Brother takes over

Michigan: My X husband died on june 24th in his sleep.

His only son is a minor living with me as i am the costodial parent.

My X husband's brother has gone in and kept or disposed of all physical property in my Xs apartment and ordered a very large funeral (he says) is coming from his brother's assets which may include life insurance naming my son or possibly myself as the benificiary.

My X had made it known to i and my son that he wanted a simple no-nonsense disposition and instant cremation. Thousands were already spent for an attempted open viewing which had to be cancelled because of the body condition. A huge military funeral has been arranged (not paid for by the military) and they are going to ask me to start approving expendatures from my son's estate assuming they haven't already found a way to take everything. Is this how its supposed to play out! Can they make me or my son pay for this? When does probate get involved? After 20 grand is spent on a funeral?

Is his brother the executor of the estate?

Self-appointed Executor

He has appointed himself as executor as far as I know and has his wife (who is no relation to the deceased) making most of the decisions. She told me today that for my benefit she is trying to keep me out of the process as much as possible.

For instance today I had to have a friend give me the funeral arrangement hours and times to have my son participate since I was not informed by my former sister in law who seems to be running the process.

She did offer to have me bring my son over to see his dad as they found him, (decomposed for several days), and fully exposed in bed before they moved him. He was found on my son's birthday and I shocked by the offer. And then they offered to have my son come in his dad's apartment to help clean it out with masks and protective clothing of course! Again I was flabbergasted by the prospect.

Then they asked my boy if he would come and stay at their home for several days until after the funeral so he could make decisions. (With their guidance of course.) I am sorry but something stinks a little here!

My in-laws our nice people but they say they are broke financially all the time and I can't see them paying for 21 gun salute and $5,000 ashes urn if they were paying???

Sounds like your brother is complicating things
Sorry for your loss.

He is my X brother in law spending my sons estate like a drunkin sailor! I am not sure he has any legal standing at all here. Wouldn't My son or i be notified by some court document if an executor was legally appointed since my son is the aire to the estate? By Thursday somebody is going to be out 15 or 20 grand and my X asked his son (who is 17) to keep it simple with an instant cremation. Someone has spent about ten grand already reportedly on my son's behalf and at his expense!

Responding to the question in your other thread, the court appoints the estate's personal representative. And there is no way that your brother-in-law has done that already. I am surprised that your ex's landlord allowed anybody to remove anything from your ex's apartment.

When a person dies without a will (intestate), the court will give preference for appointment roughly in the order of: surviving spouse, children, other close family members. I have not looked specifically at Michigan's requirements, but, since your son is under 18, it is almost certain that he would not qualify to be the estate's personal representative.

I suggest that you call a couple probate attorneys to determine how a Michigan court would view your application for appointment. And, in any event, it sounds like your son may need legal representation anyway before this is all over.

If you or your son is the named beneficiary of an insurance policy, then the proceeds should come to you or your son. And there is no requirement that those proceeds be used to pay for the funeral. Generally, the expenses of a funeral and burial are paid by the probate estate (or reimbursed by the estate to a person paying them). But, also generally, the expenses have to "reasonable." Someone is placing themselves on a long limb in making these arrangements, banking on being reimbursed for the cost.

Are you up for a nasty fight?