My burial wishes (or lack of)

I live in Texas and will be passing away soon. I am HIV positive and have lived a horrid, selfish life with no accomplishments. Please no pity. I am an adult and have had plenty of opportunities that I have wasted.

I do not want my remains to be valued or visited. That would be a sham. I want to be cremated and my ashes thrown out. I am not interested in any arguments as to how I should view myself or any other such things.

I just want to know how I can make sure that my family does not have the right to go against my wishes as they have made it clear that they will not abide by them.

I have no knowledge of legal things but I assume I will need a will that states my wishes as a starting point but I don't know how to guarantee that upon my death that the will will be put into action since I will have no one to speak for me as I have no one in my life. Since I have no one besides my family, I have no one to contact an attorney or whoever on the event of my death so that my will gets carried out. That means my family will likely get my body and bury me before my wishes and my will are found out if they ever are.

I am so confused as to how to do this since what I really need is the power to speak for myself after I'm dead. I feel helpless in this.

I hope someone can help me figure the legal way to go about this.

how about donating your body to science?

Science is not really the option I was looking for. I really would prefer to know the legal steps I need to go through to make sure my body is either disposed of if that is legal or if not, how to make sure I can have the ashes placed in a place of my choosing that my family is not allowed to find out about.

I just don't want my remains visited or valued in any way because I personally feel that would be a contradiction to the way I have lived. This is my wish and I really just want to know how to go about it legally.

4lonestar said:

Science is not really the option I was looking for. I really would prefer to know the legal steps I need to go through to make sure my body is either disposed of if that is legal or if not, how to make sure I can have the ashes placed in a place of my choosing that my family is not allowed to find out about.

I just don't want my remains visited or valued in any way because I personally feel that would be a contradiction to the way I have lived. This is my wish and I really just want to know how to go about it legally.

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This is starting to get all drama.

Put it in your will about how poor and pitiful you are.

Sorry, further thoughts on the science donation issue. First, it does not sit right with me that I would have some positive achievment after death that might make people think I was a better person than how I lived. That just does not seem right.

More importantly, what if my body is decided to be unusable (AIDS) or that it is just not needed? Would it then be turned over to my family?

Also, once they are done with my body will my family be able to track down where it was interred?

If they could not, then that would be a possibility I guess though not the ideal of what I am looking for.

cyjeff said:

This is starting to get all drama.

Put it in your will about how poor and pitiful you are.

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This is not drama, this is my wishes. I don't care to have pity since, as I stated, I am an adult and made my choices freely. I just don't feel that the life I chose to live warrants silly, sentimental remembrances at some grave site which is what my family has said they will do against my wishes.

Those who disagree with my wishes can discontinue reading this thread. I simply want legal advice on how to dispose of my remains so that my family does not have the option of visiting them. It is pretty simple and does not need to include any drama.

If a person's family told them they would not bury them in location "xyz" and they came on here asking for advice on how to make sure their wishes were carried out would you give some similar junk advice.

I think I was very clear of the legal advice I am looking for so it should be fairly straight forward. I want to dispose of my remains where I choose and not have my family notified as to the disposal area. I believe I should be able to do that legally. I just don't know how.

Update: I can not find any AIDS research that needs body donations and all normal full body science donation will not accept bodies with HIV or AIDS so the science idea is out of the question.

They can do what they want with you after death, and there's nothing you can do about it.

CourtClerk said:

They can do what they want with you after death, and there's nothing you can do about it.

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No offense, but I will wait to hear from someone with more legal backing than a court clerk. Nothing I can do after my death with my own body? Hmm, so that is why people do up burial plans ahead of time and have wills? Just so that they will have no say. Yeah, I don't by it.

4lonestar said:

Hmm, so that is why people do up burial plans ahead of time

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So that their families don't have to worry about the expense of burying them.

and have wills?

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To dispose of their property, but since you've lived such a horrid life, I figure you don't have any property that would be subject to probate. Out of pure curiosity... do you have property significant enough to need probate? And if they don't do what you want them to, are you going to come back from the dead to file a motion for contempt?

CourtClerk said:

So that their families don't have to worry about the expense of burying them.

To dispose of their property, but since you've lived such a horrid life, I figure you don't have any property that would be subject to probate.

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I am sure I can legally declare my body into someone else's care after I die. Maybe an attorney or the state or some other entity that then has instructions and payment on what to carry out. Sorry, I don't know legal language but I know there must be a way because there are homosexual couples and couples that do not believe in marriage and they seem to have no problem dealing with such issues or families fighting over loved one's bodies would be all over the news.

Here's what you do, drama queen.

You hire yourself an attorney.

Make sure you belittle their knowledge as much as you have belittled that of the volunteers on this site.

I don't know if you are as bad as your little rants say you are... but I do know that I am done with you.

Google "Ted Williams" if you think you have absolute control over your body after death.

I am starting to believe the old stereo types of those in law being money hungry snakes which I never believed before since I am not one for stereotyping.

Where have I been dramatic to you folks. Because I stated my reasons for wanting to do what I want to do. Lets see, had I not what would have happened? We would have got all the "oh you poor guy why would you want to do that" crap. So I thought a simple and to the point explanation along with a specific statement against pity and such would avoid that.

It seems to have but now all I get is sarcastic "drama queen" remarks which of course are bigoted gay stereotypes but I don't care since I carry no banner for that "community."

Now I have a wonderful loving family that is normal in that they want to have a grave site to visit. I understand their wishes and if the tables were turned I would also ignore their wishes and go with a traditional grave. That is the very reason I want to do this so that they are not asked to do something they don't want to do (nor will, or can) and so that my wishes are respected.

Now how hard is it for a web site that is supposed to be full of legal minds to explain to me what legal steps I need to go through to have my remains dealt with in the way in which I want them to be dealt with?!

Am I missing something? Do you disagree that someone should be able to have their request for how their remains are dealt with respected and legally carried out? If so, that would be bizarre in my opinion.

I am not asking for sympathy, sarcasm, pity, counseling, pep talks, snide remarks, plays on homosexual stereotypes or the like. I just want to know what legal steps to take to make sure my family does not have legal claim over my remains. I need to switch that to someone else a benefactor, trustee whatever the legal term is that will have my disposal plans and the payment to carry them out.

I know what I want to do. I just need to now how to go about the legal steps to make it so.

Go hire an attorney

4lonestar said:

I am starting to believe the old stereo types of those in law being money hungry snakes which I never believed before since I am not one for stereotyping.

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Well, until now.

Where have I been dramatic to you folks. Because I stated my reasons for wanting to do what I want to do. Lets see, had I not what would have happened? We would have got all the "oh you poor guy why would you want to do that" crap. So I thought a simple and to the point explanation along with a specific statement against pity and such would avoid that.

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You have basically asked how we can insure you are buried in a shoebox in the back yard because that is all your life and death are worth.

The definition of drama.

It seems to have but now all I get is sarcastic "drama queen" remarks which of course are bigoted gay stereotypes but I don't care since I carry no banner for that "community."

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Nothing to do with being gay.

Everything to do with being a drama queen.

Didn't know whether or not you were male or female. I can use drama king if you so desire.

Now I have a wonderful loving family that is normal in that they want to have a grave site to visit. I understand their wishes and if the tables were turned I would also ignore their wishes and go with a traditional grave. That is the very reason I want to do this so that they are not asked to do something they don't want to do (nor will, or can) and so that my wishes are respected.

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That'll show 'em.

Drama queen.

Now how hard is it for a web site that is supposed to be full of legal minds to explain to me what legal steps I need to go through to have my remains dealt with in the way in which I want them to be dealt with?!

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We did. You said we weren't good enough.

Now go screw yourself.

Am I missing something? Do you disagree that someone should be able to have their request for how their remains are dealt with respected and legally carried out? If so, that would be bizarre in my opinion.

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I imagine that many of your opinions are bizarre.

I am not asking for sympathy, sarcasm, pity, counseling, pep talks, snide remarks, plays on homosexual stereotypes or the like. I just want to know what legal steps to take to make sure my family does not have legal claim over my remains. I need to switch that to someone else a benefactor, trustee whatever the legal term is that will have my disposal plans and the payment to carry them out.

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Outstanding. Call an attorney.

I know what I want to do. I just need to now how to go about the legal steps to make it so.

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Outstanding. Call an attorney.