verbal seperation

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hawaii, hello me and my wife verbally seperated 6 months ago..been married over 6 yrs..im in hawaii she went back to north carolina..she has been tell n me back and forth that she wants to be back with me..then she dont..then she does..etc..well she told me she is 2 months pregnant with another guy..im upset..i love her so much..is her be n pregnant still considered adultry even though we r verbally seperated..

What the heck is "verbally separated"? You are either living apart or you are not. What does it matter whether it's considered "adultery" or not? Hawaii is a "no-fault divorce" state.
http://www.helpyourselfdivorce.com/hawaii.htm

BTW, as long as you are still legally married at the time of the birth of this child, you are the child's legal father. That means child support for 18 years; think about it.

re word

we told each other that we r seperated..nuthing on paper tho..she went to north carolina and got pregnant by some dude..she is get n food stamps for the 2 kids we have..we have a 6yr old and a 3yr old..im also sending as much child support as i can for the children that r with her..she dont work, she is get n ready get section 8 housing..im n the military and she iz using my healthcare that she is included in along wit the kids..she wants to use the health care for his baby till i get out..which should be bout a month..i kinda wanna push the adultry..becuz i dont want my kids grow n up using the system, section 8, foodstamps, etc..be cuz she dont wanna go get a job cuz she lazy..and right now she iz using me for the health care..

kneeman said:

we told each other that we r seperated..nuthing on paper tho..she went to north carolina and got pregnant by some dude..she is get n food stamps for the 2 kids we have..we have a 6yr old and a 3yr old..im also sending as much child support as i can for the children that r with her..she dont work, she is get n ready get section 8 housing..im n the military and she iz using my healthcare that she is included in along wit the kids..she wants to use the health care for his baby till i get out..which should be bout a month..i kinda wanna push the adultry..becuz i dont want my kids grow n up using the system, section 8, foodstamps, etc..be cuz she dont wanna go get a job cuz she lazy..and right now she iz using me for the health care..

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Well, here are the facts of the matter:

1. If she's collecting welfare, the state will probably come after you for it - at least for your legal children.

2. You are still legally married, so the unborn child will be legally yours when it's born.

3. Adultery probably won't matter much. It certainly won't affect whether you get a divorce. It won't affect custody. It COULD, in theory, affect spousal support and/or property division in some states, so it might depend on where you file.

4. Your inaction is going to make the process more difficult for you - particularly wrt custody.

What you should consider doing:

1. You can file for divorce in Hawaii, but they would not be able to determine custody or child support since your ex has been in NC for 6 months and established residency there. IF you had filed before she was in NC for 6 months, you would have had the Hawaii option, but that's gone. So you'll need to file in NC.

Note: If by '6 months' you were being approximate and you are still under the 6 month mark, see an attorney IMMEDIATELY and file for divorce so that you can still have custody determined in Hawaii. Of course, talk with the attorney about all the other factors (it wouldn't surprise me if CS and alimony are higher in Hawaii than NC, for example) before doing anything.

2. As part of the filing, you can ask for paternity on the unborn child to be disestablished upon birth. That will at least save you responsibility for someone else's child.

3. If you feel that you are better able to take care of the kids than her, you can ask the court for custody. If you had done this while Hawaii still had jurisdiction, you would have had a good chance. Now that they've established residency in NC, it's going to be extremely difficult to get custody. If you move there, it would help, but the status quo is for the child to be with Mom.

4. You need to get a CS order in place ASAP so that you're paying a court-ordered amount. If you don't, the state is going to be coming after you to reimburse what they're spending.

kneeman said:

we told each other that we r seperated..nuthing on paper tho..she went to north carolina and got pregnant by some dude..she is get n food stamps for the 2 kids we have..we have a 6yr old and a 3yr old..im also sending as much child support as i can for the children that r with her..she dont work, she is get n ready get section 8 housing..im n the military and she iz using my healthcare that she is included in along wit the kids..she wants to use the health care for his baby till i get out..which should be bout a month..i kinda wanna push the adultry..becuz i dont want my kids grow n up using the system, section 8, foodstamps, etc..be cuz she dont wanna go get a job cuz she lazy..and right now she iz using me for the health care..

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She isn't "using" you for the health care. As long as you are legally married she is covered by the medical insurance. Even if she filed for divorce she is still covered until after the divorce is final.

Also, you said that you were getting out in a month. If that is true, and you don't plan to remain in Hawaii, don't take Misto's advice about filing in Hawaii. That would just make life more complicated for YOU.

LdiJ said:

Also, you said that you were getting out in a month. If that is true, and you don't plan to remain in Hawaii, don't take Misto's advice about filing in Hawaii. That would just make life more complicated for YOU.

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Not necessarily. OP needs to speak with an attorney. If custody of the children is his primary concern, filing in HI might be the only real chance he has - even if it IS more complicated. If it were me, I'd deal with a LOT more complications in order to keep my child with me. Of course, I wouldn't have waited 6 months to do anything.

mistoffolees said:

Not necessarily. OP needs to speak with an attorney. If custody of the children is his primary concern, filing in HI might be the only real chance he has - even if it IS more complicated. If it were me, I'd deal with a LOT more complications in order to keep my child with me. Of course, I wouldn't have waited 6 months to do anything.

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I understand your point Misto, but if dad is not going to be remaining in Hawaii, then he has no legal justification for asking that the children be returned to Hawaii. Also, Hawaii having jurisdiction would be of absolutely no value to him either. He stated that he was military and that he was getting out in about a month.

So, if he established jurisdiction in Hawaii (IF its been slightly less than six months that mom and the kids have been in NC) then both of them would have to deal with a very long distance divorce, and a judge making a best interest decision would almost have to side with mom. The children have been with her for a significant amount of time, and would not be returning to their original home community if they were to live with dad.

Therefore what you are proposing would be very expensive for both of them, and I cannot see where it would provide any benefit at all to dad.

Now, if by some slim chance he has been offered a decent civilian job in Hawaii (which are hard to come by and the cost of living there is quite high), then your advice might have some merit.

LdiJ said:

I understand your point Misto, but if dad is not going to be remaining in Hawaii, then he has no legal justification for asking that the children be returned to Hawaii. Also, Hawaii having jurisdiction would be of absolutely no value to him either. He stated that he was military and that he was getting out in about a month.

So, if he established jurisdiction in Hawaii (IF its been slightly less than six months that mom and the kids have been in NC) then both of them would have to deal with a very long distance divorce, and a judge making a best interest decision would almost have to side with mom. The children have been with her for a significant amount of time, and would not be returning to their original home community if they were to live with dad.

Therefore what you are proposing would be very expensive for both of them, and I cannot see where it would provide any benefit at all to dad.

Now, if by some slim chance he has been offered a decent civilian job in Hawaii (which are hard to come by and the cost of living there is quite high), then your advice might have some merit.

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He doesn't need to leave HI as I understand it. He could stay in HI until custody were settled and then deal with any changes that are required at that time.

Again, if it were the only way I could get custody, I would manage to stay in the state for a while.

mistoffolees said:

He doesn't need to leave HI as I understand it. He could stay in HI until custody were settled and then deal with any changes that are required at that time.

Again, if it were the only way I could get custody, I would manage to stay in the state for a while.

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Well, yes, he could play games with the courts...and then admit later that he had no intention of remaining in Hawaii. That will really endear him to the judge

However if he stays in Hawaii, even temporarily, the military will not pay to move him back to the mainland.

LdiJ said:

However if he stays in Hawaii, even temporarily, the military will not pay to move him back to the mainland.

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So?

I've already acknowledged that it will be more trouble and more expensive if he files in HI. But I'd gladly do that if it was the only way I could keep my daughter with me.

Maybe his kids mean less to him than that.

mistoffolees said:

So?

I've already acknowledged that it will be more trouble and more expensive if he files in HI. But I'd gladly do that if it was the only way I could keep my daughter with me.

Maybe his kids mean less to him than that.

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I see that you chose to ignore the fact that he would have to play games with the court.

LdiJ said:

I see that you chose to ignore the fact that he would have to play games with the court.

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No, he wouldn't. He would have to stay in Hawaii for some undefined time period. Since he doesn't have any definite plans to go anywhere, it would not be fraudulent to state that he's a HI resident.

mistoffolees said:

No, he wouldn't. He would have to stay in Hawaii for some undefined time period. Since he doesn't have any definite plans to go anywhere, it would not be fraudulent to state that he's a HI resident.

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It would be if he claimed a home state of residence for military purposes.

Misto, why don't you just admit that you gave him advice that wasn't really good advice?

LdiJ said:

I see that you chose to ignore the fact that he would have to play games with the court.

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How is that playing games with the court? The court has jurisdiction over BOTH parents and the children -- unlike other states. It is not playing games to file in HI and then move. It is following the law.

LdiJ said:

It would be if he claimed a home state of residence for military purposes.

Misto, why don't you just admit that you gave him advice that wasn't really good advice?

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Where did he say he claimed a home state for military purposes? Oh. No where. Why are you adding information that the OP never gave us?