Need to get spouse out of the house

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

my husband of 15 years does not work, does not help with the kids, does not contribute to the household and i am working on getting a divorce. his two kids are mentally abused by him and their therapist recommends asking him to move out. he won't move out 1) because he has no money, 2) because he is stubborn and wants us to move out instead. this is a 5 bedroom house (rented with both names on the lease) that we have lived in for 5 years and the kids are settled, in their respective schools, etc... and it does not make sense to uproot them. they want me to have sole custody when we go to the judge for that part of the divorce agreement. they are 12 and 15. he is not physically abusive although he sometimes acts like he's about to be and it's scary. how can i get him to move out while we work out the details of the divorce?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

xoxoxo said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

my husband of 15 years does not work, does not help with the kids, does not contribute to the household and i am working on getting a divorce. his two kids are mentally abused by him and their therapist recommends asking him to move out. he won't move out 1) because he has no money, 2) because he is stubborn and wants us to move out instead. this is a 5 bedroom house (rented with both names on the lease) that we have lived in for 5 years and the kids are settled, in their respective schools, etc... and it does not make sense to uproot them. they want me to have sole custody when we go to the judge for that part of the divorce agreement. they are 12 and 15. he is not physically abusive although he sometimes acts like he's about to be and it's scary. how can i get him to move out while we work out the details of the divorce?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

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The only way that you can force him to move out is to take it to court and ask that you be given temporary possession of the marital residence (and temporary custody of the children) until the divorce is final.

That is simply reality. If you don't have an attorney, I would suggest that you get one...and make it clear to the attorney that getting him out of the house is a priority.

Otherwise, there is not a darned thing that you can do to make him move out. As long as you are married he has every right to live there until a judge says otherwise.

File for divorce and ask the court for temporary custody of the kids and possession of the house.

xoxoxo said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

my husband of 15 years does not work, does not help with the kids, does not contribute to the household and i am working on getting a divorce. his two kids are mentally abused by him and their therapist recommends asking him to move out. he won't move out 1) because he has no money, 2) because he is stubborn and wants us to move out instead. this is a 5 bedroom house (rented with both names on the lease) that we have lived in for 5 years and the kids are settled, in their respective schools, etc... and it does not make sense to uproot them. they want me to have sole custody when we go to the judge for that part of the divorce agreement. they are 12 and 15. he is not physically abusive although he sometimes acts like he's about to be and it's scary. how can i get him to move out while we work out the details of the divorce?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

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Due to the particular wording you chose I must ask if HIS children are YOUR children as well, either by biology or adoption?

They have been married 15 years and the eldest is 15...but I see your point.

sorry for the confusion -- the kids are "ours".

there is one more small detail..... he has been indicted on a felony charge that goes to court in april 2011 and he has told me that if I file for divorce before then (it will make him look bad in the judge/juror's eyes) then I will "be sorry"...

I don't know what he means, but, because he is the 'stay at home' parent I believe that he means he will fight for the kids, even though he has indicated that he doesn't want them (and I happen to have him saying that on audio..) because I work a lot and travel a bit on business. In reality I work a normal schedule, (leave at 8am and get back around 6:30pm) each day and travel less than 1 X per month. He actually does very little for the kids during the day when i am not there....I arrange rides to and from school for them or take them myself and to and from all after school activities (other parents take the earlier shifts and I always do the 'late pickup').... and he doesn't help clean up after them/help me with their laundry, etc....

xoxoxo said:

sorry for the confusion -- the kids are "ours".

there is one more small detail..... he has been indicted on a felony charge that goes to court in april 2011 and he has told me that if I file for divorce before then (it will make him look bad in the judge/juror's eyes) then I will "be sorry"...

I don't know what he means, but, because he is the 'stay at home' parent I believe that he means he will fight for the kids, even though he has indicated that he doesn't want them (and I happen to have him saying that on audio..) because I work a lot and travel a bit on business. In reality I work a normal schedule, (leave at 8am and get back around 6:30pm) each day and travel less than 1 X per month. He actually does very little for the kids during the day when i am not there....I arrange rides to and from school for them or take them myself and to and from all after school activities (other parents take the earlier shifts and I always do the 'late pickup').... and he doesn't help clean up after them/help me with their laundry, etc....

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The indictment probably won't matter much - innocent until proven guilty and all that. Whether you think he does much or not, he's likely to be considered the primary caregiver.

See an attorney.

mistoffolees said:

The indictment probably won't matter much - innocent until proven guilty and all that. Whether you think he does much or not, he's likely to be considered the primary caregiver.

See an attorney.

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I think that maybe she was making a little bit of a different point than you thought she was.

HE doesn't want HER to divorce him before he goes to trial because he thinks it will make him look worse and he is threatening that she will be sorry if she files. I think that is the only reason she brought it up.

As far as custody is concerned, it really doesn't sound like he has been the primary caregiver, and the children are old enough that their wishes are likely to come into play in an initial custody determination.

I don't think I have ever seen a brand new divorce, that involves teenagers, where the teenagers didn't get to live with the parent they wanted to live with...absent that parent having serious fitness issues, or some other major problem, of course. Have you ever seen one? That's a sincere question.

first I want to thank you all so much for reading and responding.

I am very concerned that the courts will consider him the primary caregiver. I have plenty of people (even his own children from his first marriage) that would argue that he is not. I have a few neighbors that would also speak on my behalf. I'm sure he could come up with a person or two to back him up though. And yes - both kids want to live with me. Their relationship with their dad has deteriorated to the point where they say they don't even want visitation. I am sad about this because I think every kid needs both parents, but it's hard to force a teenager to do anything when it comes to relationships.

His trial has moved many times since the first date and my 'filing or not filing' has always depended on that date. It was recently moved from Nov 2010 (I agreed to wait until after Nov. 1) to April 2010. I am not willing to keep living together for that long.

I was wondering if it might be a good idea to come to him and tell him that although I was willing to wait until Nov, waiting until April is too long and that the only way I would wait is if he would move out, agree to a separation agreement that would divide our assets and that we could wait for the final filing until after his April trial. If he did agree to that, would it be possible to get the type of separation agreement that would make my future earnings as of that date no longer be 'marital'? reason I ask is that I will get a nice bonus at the end of Nov and I definitely don't want to split it with him.

Also, if he says no (which he will -- he will get screaming mad and say NO) can I then have in my back pocket a 'ready to go' court order/request type paper to immediately file that would allow me to go and ask the court for temporary custody of the kids and possession of this house we are renting? Would I need to have back up documentation (like a letter from the therapist, a copy of the parenting class cert that I took in prep for the divorce....)? Is this a ****imaymee (sp?) idea or do I have the makings of a plan?

Again, thank you so much for reading and responding - your help and perspective is so appreciated.

p.s. i 'rounded' the dates on the marriage/kids - we've been married almost 16 years and the teenager will be 15 in 2 weeks - just though that by the time he was in front of a judge he would be 15 in case that made any difference at all in the courts eyes. The other one is a good solid 12.

I really think that you should go get yourself a consult with a local attorney. I honestly think that's the better way to go at this point. Your situation has enough "quirks" in it that I think that someone who knows the climate of your local courts would be in a better position to advise you.

However, if he is likely to do any time for the felony, then that will definitely impact things. Therefore an attorney might advise you to wait.

Need to get spouse out

Thank you LdiJ. Well, it's ten counts of money laundering, conspiracy to commit securities fraud, mail fraud, etc.... And I would say there is a 50/50 chance that he does some time. They offered him a deal to drop all counts but one and that sentence would have carried some jail time, but he refused because he is claiming innocence. His a attys seem to think he was set up and they can prove his innocence but close enough to want the jury to take pity on him because he's married, has a family, etc...

Question- in cases like his, do they typically sentence the person on the spot and take them right to jail or do they let them go home and straighten
out their affairs first? Would they be expecting me to put up a bond to let him do that?

xoxoxo said:

Thank you LdiJ. Well, it's ten counts of money laundering, conspiracy to commit securities fraud, mail fraud, etc.... And I would say there is a 50/50 chance that he does some time. They offered him a deal to drop all counts but one and that sentence would have carried some jail time, but he refused because he is claiming innocence. His a attys seem to think he was set up and they can prove his innocence but close enough to want the jury to take pity on him because he's married, has a family, etc...

Question- in cases like his, do they typically sentence the person on the spot and take them right to jail or do they let them go home and straighten
out their affairs first? Would they be expecting me to put up a bond to let him do that?

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I cannot answer that question with any accuracy. I know that there have been people who have been taken straight to jail in criminal cases and people who have been given time to get their affairs in order. I guess it probably boils down to whether or not someone is regarded as a flight risk.

You honestly don't have to hold off filing for divorce just to make him look better in court, nor are you required to put up any bail/bond money for him either. Its your choice whether or not you do something like that.

xoxoxo said:

I arrange rides to and from school for them or take them myself and to and from all after school activities (other parents take the earlier shifts and I always do the 'late pickup').... and he doesn't help clean up after them/help me with their laundry, etc....

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Not a legal response:

I have to be honest - at 12 & 15? I left the arranging of rides to the kids. And if they can't clean up after themselves or do their laundry at their ages? Both of you have dropped the ball.

Really stealth2? So neither of us should take responsibility for getting them to school or ten miles away to a practice? They are expected to depend on their friends parents for all their transportation?

xoxoxo said:

Really stealth2? So neither of us should take responsibility for getting them to school or ten miles away to a practice? They are expected to depend on their friends parents for all their transportation?

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Did I say that? No, I did not. My kids knew my availability, but I put it on their shoulders to arrange car pools, etc. As did most of the other parents (onto their kids).

And really - you run around after your 12/15yo kids picking up their underwear, socks, books, etc? I stopped doing that when they were like.... 5. They both do laundry, and all of us throw stuff in from the others when doing laundry. But the whole "I don't have anything clean to weeeeeaaaaarrrrr!" stuff? Nuh uh. I raised mine to know how to take care of themselves.