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shepk9

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA
bad situations with wife & getting worse - adopted daughter in 2000 (now 11 yr) - after another incident on wednesday; i left and have not returned - in 2001 i went to an attorney after wife became manipulative & demanding - i was not allowed to take my daughter anywhere or have any dad & daughter time - at this time, i had stopped short of doing anything other than have my attorney send a letter from their office stating my intensions and options if things did not change - today i enjoy a great relationship with my daughter and spend 5 nights a week with her in either school, dance, muisc or in one of her other activities; most of the time without her mother - other than leaving the house i have taken no other actions at this time other than texting my daughter letting her know that she did nothing wrong and that no matter what happens between mom and dad; she is the most important person in dad's life and that i love her as much as ever - i can only assume that my wife is not letting her return my texts or has taken her phone away from her to keep us apart - very confused; what is my next move? where do i go from here?
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
I don't know - what do you WANT to do?

You can file for divorce and ask for a temporary custody/parenting plan. As part of that, there will be strict rules that Mom can not block your messages to the daughter. As part of that plan, you could ask for primary physical custody or shared physical custody.

You could try to save the marriage.

You could continue to be abused.

What is your objective? After you explain that, we'll be able to offer advice on how to get there.
 

shepk9

Junior Member
we have been married 21 years - but the marriage died after the first incident that had originally sent me to an attorney - there is nothing here left for me to save - i have protected my daughter all her life and do not want her to face the challenges of a divorce - i have spoken to her on several ocassions; only to have her tell me she didn't want to be like the rest of her friends in school with a divorced mom & dad - i cannot continue being treated the way i have been - it would always be her word against mine as to what happens in private - as i am writing i am trying to give you any info that would help you help my situation - Note: my wife is disabled; Diabetes complications; she is a successful kidney/pancrease transplant patient - poor vision but is allowed daytime driving only. - sounds like my option is to proceed with the divorce at this time with request for a temporary custody/parenting plan with the conditions i will be able to transport my daughter to and from activities without being restricted - question?? a friend told me i should ask if i have to return home and if my leaving would be considered abandonment???
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
The first thing you have to learn is that you can't cheat reality. If you don't want to be married, then your daughter is going to have divorced parents (since there's no legal separation in PA).

You really need to decide what you want and what you would consider to be the best outcome. Sit down with an attorney and lay out a game plan.

Most likely scenario is what I described above - file for divorce, ask for possession of the marital home and temporary custody of the child. But there are certainly other possible scenarios.

You will not be charged with abandonment. That applies only if you leave for 6 months and refuse to acknowledge your parental responsibilities:
Pennsylvania State Child Custody Abandonment Laws | eHow.com

You CAN, however, weaken your case for custody if you leave. First, it looks like leaving is more important to you than maintaining the relationship with the child. Second, it is an implicit acknowledgment that you consider the mother to be fit as a parent - and lessens your arguments for primary custody later on. Therefore, I would never encourage someone to leave unless there's a court order, a clear risk of violence, or having first consulted with an attorney.
 

shepk9

Junior Member
just a clarification here ....
my daughter is the only part of this equation; no exceptions; if i had to die for my dayghter i would ....
 

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