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I'm afraid of telling him I'm leaving

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PrivacyMatters

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

I have three children from a previous marriage. My husband and I have been married for three years. During this time, he has become increasingly abusive in several ways. We signed a prenuptual agreement that he wrote out when we were married. I have gone into debt over having to pay all of the bills in our household. He knows that I have no money but he doesn't know about the debt. He does inexpensive things to the house (maintenance) but the rest of his money goes into his savings, and I have no idea how much he has. I have to leave.

I am going to secure a rental house tomorrow. I need to know if me leaving without telling him will cause the prenupt to be null and void. I will be leaving a letter, but I know his temper and I am afraid of his reaction when I tell him I'm leaving. If I leave with only my essentials, will this be classified as abandomnet and cause me to not get my share of our assets? Most of my things were given away during the marriage, so I have no furniture, no money, etc. I can't afford to let him keep everything, so I want to do this the correct way. I do not want to hold him to the prenupt completely, since our house is paid for and that would be a lot of money. I want to be fair. All I want is to be where I started before we were married, which is no credit card or personal loan debt, bedroom and livingroom furniture, and a small amount of cash. How do I need to do this the right way? I don't want him to be able to say I abandoned him.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

I have three children from a previous marriage. My husband and I have been married for three years. During this time, he has become increasingly abusive in several ways. We signed a prenuptual agreement that he wrote out when we were married. I have gone into debt over having to pay all of the bills in our household. He knows that I have no money but he doesn't know about the debt. He does inexpensive things to the house (maintenance) but the rest of his money goes into his savings, and I have no idea how much he has. I have to leave.

I am going to secure a rental house tomorrow. I need to know if me leaving without telling him will cause the prenupt to be null and void. I will be leaving a letter, but I know his temper and I am afraid of his reaction when I tell him I'm leaving. If I leave with only my essentials, will this be classified as abandomnet and cause me to not get my share of our assets? Most of my things were given away during the marriage, so I have no furniture, no money, etc. I can't afford to let him keep everything, so I want to do this the correct way. I do not want to hold him to the prenupt completely, since our house is paid for and that would be a lot of money. I want to be fair. All I want is to be where I started before we were married, which is no credit card or personal loan debt, bedroom and livingroom furniture, and a small amount of cash. How do I need to do this the right way? I don't want him to be able to say I abandoned him.
Did an attorney draw up the prenup or did he just draw it up himself?

You moving out is not considered abandonment in the sense that it would disentitle you to your valid share of marital assets.

I believe that NC requires a one year separation before you can divorce anyway, therefore everyone who moved out in a separation would be abandoning their spouse if moving out alone could do that.

However, I do recommend that you take all of your personal possessions when you go, and everything that is truly important to you. You may have a hard time getting anything else out of the house, even if its eventually awarded to you.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
I'm confused. If this was drawn up after the marriage, it's not a prenup. So it's worthless.
 

PrivacyMatters

Junior Member
What kind of proof do you have of the abuse?
My kids (although I would not want to bring the youngest in on this), and the local Family Services Department. I never filed a report with the police department.

We don't kow what the pre-nup says, so how do we know?
Aaaah.... so you only want the pre-nup to apply if it benefits you? Nice.
no. I don't want to take him to the cleaners. It would benefit ME if I went for the full pre-nup, but I don't want to do that. You need to work on your comprehension, otherwise you would have known that from my post!

Did an attorney draw up the prenup or did he just draw it up himself?

You moving out is not considered abandonment in the sense that it would disentitle you to your valid share of marital assets.

I believe that NC requires a one year separation before you can divorce anyway, therefore everyone who moved out in a separation would be abandoning their spouse if moving out alone could do that.

However, I do recommend that you take all of your personal possessions when you go, and everything that is truly important to you. You may have a hard time getting anything else out of the house, even if its eventually awarded to you.
Thank you so much for your reply. I don't want anything out of the house. I'm even giving my engagement ring back to him because I know I won't be able to move forward if I have it to look at all the time, and I could never sell it. That will be up to him.

He drew the pre-nupt up himself BEFORE we were married and I signed it. It basically says that in any case other than infidelity (which neither of us have committed, to my knowledge), that whatever was saved during the marriage would be split between us, and that whoever kept the house would give the other spouse half of the equity. I am NOT out to get him. The equity alone would amount to $75k, and I only want $16,900 to get out of debt. Nothing more. He keeps everything. So I am NOT doing this to benefit myself.

This was my first post to this forum and I can see that there are some negative people on here, so I'll just consult an attorney in my area. Thank you so much for the folks who responded in kindness.
 
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Antigone*

Senior Member
You will not be allowed to come onto our forum and abuse the volunteers on this board.

How dare you treat a volunteer in such a dispicable manner.

You might as well log off now because you have been reported and your minutes here are numbered.

I'd have a few choice words to say to your moronic self, but you are definitely not worth it.

Now I'm going to take Stealth out for a drink at the B&G.

<spit>:mad:
 
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