Leaving husband with my daughter...

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PENNSYLVANIA

I have totally had it with my husband. He has not worked and does not want to even though he has had opportunities to do so. I have an 8 yo daughter and we have been married for those 8 years. I work 12-13 hours a day and he cannot even get her from the babysitter to help me out. The mortgage is in his name and in order for us not to lose the house, I wanted to do a "Remodification" and put my name on it. Everyone is telling me not to because he is not going to change and then I am also responsible if it goes into foreclosure. I wanted to do it to give my daughter a roof over her head but not without his help. He could care less at this point.

My main concern is leaving my husband. If the home goes into foreclosure, I have about 6 months to a year before the sheriff comes to the home to get us out. If I leave, take my posessions and get an apartment, can he legally say that I left and kidnapped my daughter? Can he stop me in any way from leaving? Just for the record, there are no domestic violence issues.

*Please note that I have been trying to get a hold of the local Free Legal Aid office for over 72 hours*What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Same answer as the last 10,000 times this question has been asked her.

You can't be charged with kidnapping.

If you leave the area with the kids, he can go to court to ask for an order to have them returned.

You should file for divorce and ask for temporary custody of the kids.

However, since he's not working, he could argue that he has more time to spend with the kids than you do and therefore the kids should be in his care and you paying CS.

If your name is not on the mortgage now, do not add it.

And if you're working 12-13 hours per day and keeping up the house payment, getting free legal aid is going to be hard.

stubby71 said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PENNSYLVANIA

I have totally had it with my husband. He has not worked and does not want to even though he has had opportunities to do so. I have an 8 yo daughter and we have been married for those 8 years. I work 12-13 hours a day and he cannot even get her from the babysitter to help me out. The mortgage is in his name and in order for us not to lose the house, I wanted to do a "Remodification" and put my name on it. Everyone is telling me not to because he is not going to change and then I am also responsible if it goes into foreclosure. I wanted to do it to give my daughter a roof over her head but not without his help. He could care less at this point.

My main concern is leaving my husband. If the home goes into foreclosure, I have about 6 months to a year before the sheriff comes to the home to get us out. If I leave, take my posessions and get an apartment, can he legally say that I left and kidnapped my daughter? Can he stop me in any way from leaving? Just for the record, there are no domestic violence issues.

*Please note that I have been trying to get a hold of the local Free Legal Aid office for over 72 hours*What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

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huh??????????????????

#1 05-15-2008, 08:00 PM
stubby71
Junior Member Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3

Am I Liable For Future Husband's Debt?

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What is the name of your state? PA

Lets say that I have excellent credit and my fiance' has issues. He is nowhere near bankruptcy but with his late payments and very high interest credit cards, it is causing problems. Once we become married, if I put my name on his checking and savings accounts, will that hurt me in any way? We are NOT talking about a joint purchase like a home, etc. I am talking about if I am his wife and my name is on his checking account, am I liable in any way for his debt issues?
Example: He does not pay his one credit card bill for 2 months (his name only on the credit card), but, the creditor sees that my name is on his checking account. Is my credit at stake "OR" even worse, they see that I have my OWN separate checking account (on top of the joint one) with just my name on it and they come after me under that account for the money?

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mistoffolees said:

Same answer as the last 10,000 times this question has been asked her.

You can't be charged with kidnapping.

If you leave the area with the kids, he can go to court to ask for an order to have them returned.

You should file for divorce and ask for temporary custody of the kids.

However, since he's not working, he could argue that he has more time to spend with the kids than you do and therefore the kids should be in his care and you paying CS.

If your name is not on the mortgage now, do not add it.

And if you're working 12-13 hours per day and keeping up the house payment, getting free legal aid is going to be hard.

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Some of the things you said above are scary. I mean, the mortgage is in his name and therefore, if he continues to be a bum and not pay (and I cannot afford to pay it anymore) and it goes into foreclosure, how in the world would a court find him a 'responsible parent'? How could a court give him full care of my daughter if he cannot even keep a roof over our head?

It's just funny how you said he could argue that since he is not working, he has more time with my daughter when, in fact, he sits on his butt all day. When school is done, she goes to after-school care until 6pm instead of him spending that time with her at home. The after-school program director would have no problem supporting that fact.

All of this just seems backwards to me.

stubby71 said:

Some of the things you said above are scary. I mean, the mortgage is in his name and therefore, if he continues to be a bum and not pay (and I cannot afford to pay it anymore) and it goes into foreclosure, how in the world would a court find him a 'responsible parent'? How could a court give him full care of my daughter if he cannot even keep a roof over our head?

It's just funny how you said he could argue that since he is not working, he has more time with my daughter when, in fact, he sits on his butt all day. When school is done, she goes to after-school care until 6pm instead of him spending that time with her at home. The after-school program director would have no problem supporting that fact.

All of this just seems backwards to me.

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Because being a responsible parent isn't just about finances.

If the court finds that he has been the child's primary caregiver, they can (and usually would) indeed award him primary physical custody.

Not saying that it would be a slam-dunk for Dad, but there we have it.

stubby71 said:

Some of the things you said above are scary. I mean, the mortgage is in his name and therefore, if he continues to be a bum and not pay (and I cannot afford to pay it anymore) and it goes into foreclosure, how in the world would a court find him a 'responsible parent'? How could a court give him full care of my daughter if he cannot even keep a roof over our head?

It's just funny how you said he could argue that since he is not working, he has more time with my daughter when, in fact, he sits on his butt all day. When school is done, she goes to after-school care until 6pm instead of him spending that time with her at home. The after-school program director would have no problem supporting that fact.

All of this just seems backwards to me.

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Spend some time educating yourself. Read the posts on this forum.

Sometimes things don't work out the way you think they should. More importantly, you have to learn that your perspective isn't always the right one.

Now, if what you say is true, it may mean that he's a lousy parent. But between the time you file for divorce and the time the divorce is granted, he'll have months to establish his position. He could easily start taking a more active role in the child's life and then he WOULD be able to claim he was the primary caregiver.

1. As I said, educate yourself. Read a few thousand posts on this board.

2. Get a good attorney.

As for the house, it's not your problem. Nor is it likely to have a major impact on the custody determination. The fact that he isn't working, though, increases the chance that you might have to pay child support and/or alimony. It's been happening for centuries that a man had to pay alimony for a woman who 'sat on her butt' all day. In today's more neutral environment, it works both ways.

Proserpina said:

Because being a responsible parent isn't just about finances.

If the court finds that he has been the child's primary caregiver, they can (and usually would) indeed award him primary physical custody.

Not saying that it would be a slam-dunk for Dad, but there we have it.

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Ok, so by dad being a bum and not working (even though he has contracts to do work and is not fulfilling them) the court doesn't care and would probably award him primary physical custody of a child he cannot provide for financially? That he cannot provide a home for because he let it get to the point of foreclosure? They would see him as the child's primary caregiver when he will not even spend time with her before or after school? He would rather have her in after-school care and bum around the house instead of spending time with her? In the past 3 years he has picked her up at after-school care once?

I get her up for school, bathe her, help her with homework, feed her, take her to soccer, take her to school, pick her up when I am done work, take her to grandma's....he does none of the above so I guess I am the primary caregiver.

So at this point, what are your suggestions?

stubby71 said:

Ok, so by dad being a bum and not working (even though he has contracts to do work and is not fulfilling them) the court doesn't care and would probably award him primary physical custody of a child he cannot provide for financially? That he cannot provide a home for because he let it get to the point of foreclosure? They would see him as the child's primary caregiver when he will not even spend time with her before or after school? He would rather have her in after-school care and bum around the house instead of spending time with her? In the past 3 years he has picked her up at after-school care once?

I get her up for school, bathe her, help her with homework, feed her, take her to soccer, take her to school, pick her up when I am done work, take her to grandma's....he does none of the above so I guess I am the primary caregiver.

So at this point, what are your suggestions?

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My suggestion is - honestly - that you try to leave the emotion and the drama out of it. It's not going to help you.

NOBODY said Dad WOULD get custody. Just that if he is seen to be the primary caregiver, the courts usually prefer to leave the kids with that person.

Remember - you picked the lazy bum to be Dad. The courts will agree with your choice.

Please, speak with a local attorney who can guide you further.

A court won't find that he's been the primary caregiver if he hasn't actually done any caregiving.

Um...wait a sec.

I'd also like some clarification regarding what Blue posted.

OP - you've been married for 8 years?

But...two years ago you were asking about your fiance's finances?


Please - we really don't ask for much here. Just the truth.

I, like Blue, would like to know how the OP has had a husband of 8 years, when 2 years ago, he was the fiance.

ecmst12 said:

A court won't find that he's been the primary caregiver if he hasn't actually done any caregiving.

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No, but he can start taking care of the kids as soon as she files for divorce. By the time they get before a judge, he'll have several months of history.

Not saying that it WILL happen, but it could - so she needs to consider it.

I would have a journal/ diary detailing exactly WHO is doing what for the child for several months to show WHO is the primary caregiver of the child. THAT is what sunk my X. He wasn't working; I was. I took the child to school and picked her up from daycare. EVERY DAY. I was there with the children, day and day out while he was off doing his thing. Sounds familiar.

CourtClerk said:

I, like Blue, would like to know how the OP has had a husband of 8 years, when 2 years ago, he was the fiance.

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Isn't it interesting that OP will not respond to the multiple posts regarding this?? hummm..

Blue Meanie said:

Isn't it interesting that OP will not respond to the multiple posts regarding this?? hummm..

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If you would have read my OP, I do work many hours. I am sorry that I do not have access to this forum 24/7.

The post regarding the fiance' bit was posted in 2008 and my sister asked to use my login. She did not have computer access so I said 'no problem'.