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Relocation and custody

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noname123

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

I am heading to legal separation with my wife and I wondered if where I decide to live (assuming I am the one leaving our current home) will affect custody.

My sons are 15 and 16, and I could afford a very tiny house in town or a somewhat better house in a neighboring town. We both want them to stay at the same high school and house I bought would be no more than 15-20 minutes from the school.

Could where I live affect custody? I don't want to even stipulate this in a separation agreement, I am planning for 50/50 custody and my wife may fight this and I don't want to give her any extra leverage.

Thanks.
 


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Proserpina

Senior Member
noname123 said:
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

I am heading to legal separation with my wife and I wondered if where I decide to live (assuming I am the one leaving our current home) will affect custody.

My sons are 15 and 16, and I could afford a very tiny house in town or a somewhat better house in a neighboring town. We both want them to stay at the same high school and house I bought would be no more than 15-20 minutes from the school.

Could where I live affect custody? I don't want to even stipulate this in a separation agreement, I am planning for 50/50 custody and my wife may fight this and I don't want to give her any extra leverage.

Thanks.
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Well, a 50/50 timeshare is not going to work if your wife fights it and isn't likely to be ordered if that's the case.

Is there a reason why primary physical shouldn't be with your wife?
 
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mistoffolees

Senior Member
Proserpina said:
Well, a 50/50 timeshare is not going to work if your wife fights it and isn't likely to be ordered if that's the case.
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I agree.

If wife fights it, court is probably going to lean toward the status quo - same school and spending the most time with whoever is currently the primary caregiver.

If wife agrees to 50:50, where you live doesn't matter - as long as you're close enough to make 50:50 work (getting the kids to school in the morning and so on).

Just one caution - don't make WW III out of this. By the time the divorce is final, another 6 months or more will have elapsed. Your kids will then be only 1.5 and 2.5 years from adulthood. Don't ruin your long term relationship by fighting too hard over what's going to happen in the next couple of years.
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
mistoffolees said:
I agree.

If wife fights it, court is probably going to lean toward the status quo - same school and spending the most time with whoever is currently the primary caregiver.

If wife agrees to 50:50, where you live doesn't matter - as long as you're close enough to make 50:50 work (getting the kids to school in the morning and so on).

Just one caution - don't make WW III out of this. By the time the divorce is final, another 6 months or more will have elapsed. Your kids will then be only 1.5 and 2.5 years from adulthood. Don't ruin your long term relationship by fighting too hard over what's going to happen in the next couple of years.
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I sincerely agree with this and will also point out that sometimes teens are not too keen on the whole 50/50 idea, no matter how much they love both of their parents. They tend to have their own things going on, and prefer not to have to switch homes back and forth.

When there is a brand new divorce, with teens, they often get quite a bit of say as to where they will primarily live. Again, that's due to the fact that there generally is very little time before they turn 18 and are no longer subject to custody/visitation orders. So, if all things are equal (both parents equally fit) judges tend to go with their wishes.
 
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nextwife

Senior Member
However, if each parent remains in the child's school district, general neighborhood, the teens can continue their olives regardless of which home they are in. I know some 50/50 couples with teens. They both live in the same general area, and their kids have access to all their friends and activities regardless of which parent they are with.
 
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noname123

Junior Member
The question I asked is simply...will deciding to live in a neighboring town be frowned upon when it comes to custody decisions.

I want my kids go to the same school system, they will have the same access to their friends and activities. And I'd be first to agree if my kids decided they wanted to live with their mother I would be ok with it. That being said I actually spend more time with them, I work out of the home, and to my mind I am doing what is best for my teenage boys to have equal connections with both their mother and their father. I think they'd agree, if they don't I wouldn't stand in their way.
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
noname123 said:
The question I asked is simply...will deciding to live in a neighboring town be frowned upon when it comes to custody decisions.
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Legally, its unlikely to matter much. Practically, I think that you will come to regret it if you do not live in the same community. Your children will not have the same access to friends, activities and such if you live 15-20 minutes away, unless you plan to be permanently at their beck and call for transportation.

That can change once one of them has a license and a car, but the gas money will still add up.
 
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