A real pickle, allowed him to come visit and now he won't leave again???

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I'm in the process of a divorce, I filed had 1 hearing but didn't know his address so judge postponed until he could be served. That has happened, hearing reset for date Jan. 3rd.

When we seperated I got my own apartment w/ the kids and he left to NY with his mom. About 4 weeks ago one of our children had an accident and was hurt, he came back to Indiana to be with her. He did have much extra money so I told him he could stay the visit at the house and sleep on the couch.

Well child is all better and he tells me I'm going to have to "make him leave"
I'm not sure what to do, I hate to get cops out here b/c our children have seen too much of that stuff already and our 8 yr old gets scared to death when we argue or anyone mentions cops...

I dont know what to do, I never heard of anyone doing this. He keeps telling me to give him money to leave but when I did he still didn't leave. He's got no job, nothing...it's been 4 weeks! I'm ticked.

well, you better do something fast or he is going to be considered a tenant/resident and you will have to evict him, if it isn't already too late.


Go to the police station and speak with them in person and explain your situation. They might already be at the point where they won't do anything and you would be relegated to evicting him. If they there is something they can do, maybe they can arrange it so it doesn't traumatize the kids anymore than they have already.

justalayman said:

well, you better do something fast or he is going to be considered a tenant/resident and you will have to evict him, if it isn't already too late.


Go to the police station and speak with them in person and explain your situation. They might already be at the point where they won't do anything and you would be relegated to evicting him. If they there is something they can do, maybe they can arrange it so it doesn't traumatize the kids anymore than they have already.

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I agree, unless you can find some way to lock him out. You are not living in the marital residence, so he has no right to be there unless he has established a tenancy.

LdiJ said:

I agree, unless you can find some way to lock him out. You are not living in the marital residence, so he has no right to be there unless he has established a tenancy.

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I agree too. Can you send the kids to family or friends? I would try that and then call the police for help while the kids are not there?

Or... call the cops when the kids are in school? That seems like the logical time...

stealth2 said:

Or... call the cops when the kids are in school? That seems like the logical time...

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I didn't even think of that. Yes, that would be a very logical time to do it if all of the children are in school, or even daycare. Mom could take a 1/2 day off work to deal with it.

I thought of one other idea that would be seriously last ditch effort, because it would be a royal pain. But, if she temporarily moved herself, the kids, all entertainment or pawnable items, all food and even had the electric switched off temporarily, I bet he would give up and go back to NY pretty quickly.

Well, I don't have money for us to all leave to a hotel. I could stay with a friend a day or two. Will they turn the electric, water, cable off for just a day or two. I just had my gallbladder out today so I can't drive but I can at least call the police dept friday and ask them.

Also his mom called and said she got the papers of the new divorce date in mail there today but the court said I have to serve him and being proof of that to the hearing, since he's here while I'm at work should I aren't it registered mail to the house here? What if he won't sign for it ?

Don't send Mail!

Someone with legal background may say I am wrong, but if you allow mail to come to your apartment for the EX, he may be able to use that as evidence of tenancy? I f you get mail with his name on it, return it to sender...

This happened to my friend who allowed someone to stay at her house "until she found an apartment she liked", and 2 months later, the friend refused to vacate, and my friend had to go to court to get her evicted (took 3 months)!

Does he have keys?

Send kids to to your friend's house and CHANGE THE LOCKS!!!

Have him served personally at your house!

No he.doesn't have any keys. But he never leaves and all his stuff is here so if he ran to s tore and I locked out can't he call the cops to get stuffi don't want too get into any trouble and make things worse for me in court. I really need child support, he used to give me 150 per week but not for last 2 months

Why aren't you at at Family Services filing for child support? Contempt order? Or whatever is applicable to your situation?

I may be wrong, but you sound afraid to put your foot down with him, and from your comments regarding police already showing up, I can't help but wonder if he has history of bullying you...

If you won't help YOU, help your children. You divorced him for a reason (or a hundred), and the children will not thrive in a home where there is tension. Get a backbone...

Get him out, enforce child support (or get a bleeping order for CS if your haven't already).

Lock him out- and let him bring the cops to get his things: then have the cops witness that he took all his things, they were in perfect condition, and let them escort him off your property!

Given that your oldest son is apparently sexually abusing his half brother with your knowledge, you shouldn't be surprised that Dad doesn't want to leave the girls you share under the same roof with an indifferent parent.

Note - y'all may want to read https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/threats-calling-cps-daily-535410.html#post2696780 :

Hoosiermomof4 said:

2. My son from previous marriage teases his.brother by "tea bagging" and so hee said its giving him reason to think he may act sexual with the girls..so dumb. The nous are 14 and 10 and they think farting, burping and all privates are just barrels of laughs.

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For those who may not know, "tea bagging" is the act of inserting/withdrawing the scrotum into another party's mouth. Yeah, that's a nice game to play.

LdiJ said:

I didn't even think of that. Yes, that would be a very logical time to do it if all of the children are in school, or even daycare. Mom could take a 1/2 day off work to deal with it.

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Which will do no good because the police will do nothing but ask him if he will leave. If he says no they can't force him.

LdiJ said:

I thought of one other idea that would be seriously last ditch effort, because it would be a royal pain. But, if she temporarily moved herself, the kids, all entertainment or pawnable items, all food and even had the electric switched off temporarily, I bet he would give up and go back to NY pretty quickly.

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Another bad idea. Sorry folks butt he moment she allowed him to stay there it became the marital home because they are not divorced yet. He can very easily say she asked him to come back and try to work things out.

Check your laws in your state because if this had happened in my state then the divorce proceedings would have to be started all over again.

acmb05;2696824]Which will do no good because the police will do nothing but ask him if he will leave. If he says no they can't force him.

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if they do not consider him a resident, yes, they can do something. They can order him to leave and if he doesn't, they can arrest him for trespass.

Another bad idea. Sorry folks butt he moment she allowed him to stay there it became the marital home because they are not divorced yet.

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not true. The divorce action has been filed. He claims a residence in NY and he has no financial ties to the apartment.

He can very easily say she asked him to come back and try to work things out.

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and if he is believed, then your situation would come into play.

Check your laws in your state because if this had happened in my state then the divorce proceedings would have to be started all over again.

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thank goodness Indiana isn't like that. You can get divorced while living together if you want. A marriage is merely a contract and there is no reason to deny the termination of the contract merely because a couple continues to live together.

justalayman said:

if they do not consider him a resident, yes, they can do something. They can order him to leave and if he doesn't, they can arrest him for trespass.

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They are at this time still legally married, he is a resident. All of his things are there and he has been there over a month now.

justalayman said:

not true. The divorce action has been filed. He claims a residence in NY and he has no financial ties to the apartment.

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He claimed a residence in NY. He has since moved back to Indian so it seems.

justalayman said:

and if he is believed, then your situation would come into play.

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The police are going to look at this as a domestic situation, If she wants him out she is going to have to ask the courts to make him leave and give her the marital residence.

justalayman said:

thank goodness Indiana isn't like that. You can get divorced while living together if you want. A marriage is merely a contract and there is no reason to deny the termination of the contract merely because a couple continues to live together.

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Sounds like a plan. I have no idea why someone would want to do that but if it works for them so be it.

acmb05;2696829]They are at this time still legally married, he is a resident. All of his things are there and he has been there over a month now.

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his residence is in dispute. . It is going to be based on the facts of the situation and how the police look at this. Of course, if the OP doesn't present herself well, it may go your way but if she presents herself properly, I believe the cops will make him go.

While you claim he has established residency, I wonder where all of his personal property is. Sleeping on a couch and living out with what you can carry in a suitcase doesn't give a strong argument for residency.

He claimed a residence in NY. He has since moved back to Indiana so it seems.

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his allowance to stay is nothing more than the same residency he would have by staying in a hotel. He was offered temporary lodging.

Sounds like a plan. I have no idea why someone would want to do that but if it works for them so be it.[

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there are reasons. Often they are financial in nature. Sometimes people just figure out they are good friends but terrible spouses.

I wonder what address he has on his license.

IC 9-24-13-4
Change of residence or name; requirement to apply for duplicate license or permit
Sec. 4. If:
(1) an individual holding a license or permit issued under this article changes the address shown on the license or permit application; or
(2) the name of a licensee or permittee is changed by marriage or otherwise;
the licensee or permittee shall make application for a duplicate driver's license or permit under IC 9-24-9 containing the correct information within thirty (30) days of the change.
As added by P.L.2-1991, SEC.12. Amended by P.L.39-2000, SEC.12; P.L.184-2007, SEC.46.

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seems like if he hasn't changed his license, as the law requires, he doesn't intend on claiming this as his residence.