Putting a hold on divorce proceedings?

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York


If I wanted to put a hold on my divorce contract, but I don't have a lawyer of my own, can I still do it? What is the procedure? I know it's called Order of Abatement, but how do I go about doing it? My ex-wife's lawyer was the one who drew up the divorce papers, but now I would like to renegotiate the terms in the contract. Can I call her lawyer or she has to call? I asked her if she can call her lawyer and put a hold on the divorce contract, and she claimed she called and supposedly her lawyer said it can't be done, which I know is not true. If I can't call her lawyer to ask for an abatement, would I need to obtain my own lawyer at this point? We signed the papers the first week of Nov. How much time do I have to do this? Please advise! Thank you!

KTAT2010 said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York


If I wanted to put a hold on my divorce contract, but I don't have a lawyer of my own, can I still do it? What is the procedure? I know it's called Order of Abatement, but how do I go about doing it? My ex-wife's lawyer was the one who drew up the divorce papers, but now I would like to renegotiate the terms in the contract. Can I call her lawyer or she has to call? I asked her if she can call her lawyer and put a hold on the divorce contract, and she claimed she called and supposedly her lawyer said it can't be done, which I know is not true. If I can't call her lawyer to ask for an abatement, would I need to obtain my own lawyer at this point? We signed the papers the first week of Nov. How much time do I have to do this? Please advise! Thank you!

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If her lawyer has already submitted the signed paperwork to the courts, you may have next to no time at all. I suggest that you consult an attorney as soon as possible.

LdiJ said:

If her lawyer has already submitted the signed paperwork to the courts, you may have next to no time at all. I suggest that you consult an attorney as soon as possible.

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Thank you for your reply! She said she called lawyer about stopping the paperwork but her lawyer advised against it since there's a fee to resubmit it. Will I be able to call her lawyer to go ahead and stop it? Or do I have to obtain my own lawyer to do this? I'm willing to pay any fees.

KTAT2010 said:

Thank you for your reply! She said she called lawyer about stopping the paperwork but her lawyer advised against it since there's a fee to resubmit it. Will I be able to call her lawyer to go ahead and stop it? Or do I have to obtain my own lawyer to do this? I'm willing to pay any fees.

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No, you cannot call her attorney to stop it. You would have to get your own attorney.

You do realize that your wife does not have to agree to renegotiate the terms of your divorce and that its not guaranteed that a judge will allow you to withdraw your agreement?

What you want to do is not necessarily simple.

LdiJ said:

No, you cannot call her attorney to stop it. You would have to get your own attorney.

You do realize that your wife does not have to agree to renegotiate the terms of your divorce and that its not guaranteed that a judge will allow you to withdraw your agreement?

What you want to do is not necessarily simple.

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Thank you so much for your advice. I understand that my ex would have to agree to the terms, and I think she would be ok with it now bc we just had a family meeting w/ my parents and her parents, and all parties agree. It's a bit more complicated. I had signed over the deed to her, but the mortgage is still under my name. Her parents had said it's best not to do that yet bc right now she doesn't have a job and she was counting on her parents to refinance the mortgage, but they said they're unable to since they already have a loan in their name. That's the reason for the withdrawal of the divorce papers. Well not withdrawal exactly, divorce will happen, but just to put it on a hold till we figure what to do w/ the refinancing. If I get her to agree to put the divorce on hold, can she call her attorney to do so? Or do I still need to obtain my own lawyer? When you said the judge might not approve, what are the reasons the judge will deny it?

Thank you again for your help.

KTAT2010 said:

Thank you so much for your advice. I understand that my ex would have to agree to the terms, and I think she would be ok with it now bc we just had a family meeting w/ my parents and her parents, and all parties agree. It's a bit more complicated. I had signed over the deed to her, but the mortgage is still under my name. Her parents had said it's best not to do that yet bc right now she doesn't have a job and she was counting on her parents to refinance the mortgage, but they said they're unable to since they already have a loan in their name. That's the reason for the withdrawal of the divorce papers. Well not withdrawal exactly, divorce will happen, but just to put it on a hold till we figure what to do w/ the refinancing. If I get her to agree to put the divorce on hold, can she call her attorney to do so? Or do I still need to obtain my own lawyer? When you said the judge might not approve, what are the reasons the judge will deny it?

Thank you again for your help.

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Well for one, if the judge has already signed it its a done deal. You would then have to re-open the property settlement.

However, this sounds like a situation where renegotiating things would be reasonable therefore if you both agree, and its not signed yet, it can be withdrawn.

How much equity do you have in the home?

LdiJ said:

Well for one, if the judge has already signed it its a done deal. You would then have to re-open the property settlement.

However, this sounds like a situation where renegotiating things would be reasonable therefore if you both agree, and its not signed yet, it can be withdrawn.

How much equity do you have in the home?

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We signed the papers 3 weeks ago. Do you think the judge has signed it already? I read that it may take 2-3 months, but I'm not sure. Hopefully I can get her to call in on Monday.

We took a 300k mortgage on the house. We're not living in the home yet bc it's still in the process of being built. I've been paying mortgage on it for a year now, and I'll pay for it for another 6 months till she can find a job. She said she can refinance and had already spoken to a loan officer, but I just don't see how it's possible if she's been out of work for 2 years and even if she gets a job, she'll make maybe 50k (her previous salary was around that). I mean I do hope she can refinance, but even I had a hard time getting a mortgage, and I was consulting and making 100k.

Thank you for all your help. I really appreciate it!

KTAT2010 said:

We signed the papers 3 weeks ago. Do you think the judge has signed it already? I read that it may take 2-3 months, but I'm not sure. Hopefully I can get her to call in on Monday.

We took a 300k mortgage on the house. We're not living in the home yet bc it's still in the process of being built. I've been paying mortgage on it for a year now, and I'll pay for it for another 6 months till she can find a job. She said she can refinance and had already spoken to a loan officer, but I just don't see how it's possible if she's been out of work for 2 years and even if she gets a job, she'll make maybe 50k (her previous salary was around that). I mean I do hope she can refinance, but even I had a hard time getting a mortgage, and I was consulting and making 100k.

Thank you for all your help. I really appreciate it!

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Ouch...that means you basically have no equity. I think that you simply need to sell the house.

From what OP posted in another thread, he has already signed the deed over to her...

(wonder if the mortgage company is going to call that loan due now because of that?)

divona2000 said:

From what OP posted in another thread, he has already signed the deed over to her...

(wonder if the mortgage company is going to call that loan due now because of that?)

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If it hasn't been recorded yet and she agrees to tear it up, then its not a problem. At the moment she appears to agree that the current situation isn't going to work.

LdiJ said:

If it hasn't been recorded yet and she agrees to tear it up, then its not a problem. At the moment she appears to agree that the current situation isn't going to work.

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And... if she has agreed to refinance, and can't, then it could also be to her benefit to renegotiate the agreement.

I am curious. I am in another state, but even with a signed agreement, we still had a "hearing" and "tesitfied" to the terms of the agreement, before the judge signed off on it. Does that happen in all states?

Can't the OP just show up at court and say, "No, there has been a change...and we need to renegotiate"???

majomom1 said:

And... if she has agreed to refinance, and can't, then it could also be to her benefit to renegotiate the agreement.

I am curious. I am in another state, but even with a signed agreement, we still had a "hearing" and "tesitfied" to the terms of the agreement, before the judge signed off on it. Does that happen in all states?

Can't the OP just show up at court and say, "No, there has been a change...and we need to renegotiate"???

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When an attorney submits a complete agreement to a court for a divorce, quite often it is not necessary for the parties to appear in court. My ex and I did not have to appear in court for ours.

LdiJ said:

When an attorney submits a complete agreement to a court for a divorce, quite often it is not necessary for the parties to appear in court. My ex and I did not have to appear in court for ours.

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I was just curious... in my case we came to an agreement, just before court so we were already at the court house etc.

And there is another poster here, on another thread, that the judge has asked for the other party to appear... so I just wondered if that may be the reason. In some cases I think the judge likes to hear first hand or know that the parties are truly in agreement.

KTAT, in your other thread (and that's the problem with having 2 of them going on the same subject) you said
"I transferred the deed (of our new home that's currently still being built) to my ex-wife".

Have you in fact transferred the deed legally? Or just signed papers to do so?

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I do apologize for the confusion. I had posted in 2 threads because it's 2 different topics (although it ties together), divorce abatement and house deed/mortgage, and I thought I had to keep it separate. I did sign the divorce papers along with the deed papers on the same day. Her attorney is a divorce attorney and a real estate attorney. Right now her parents said they will sell their current house after the new house is built and pay back my parents the entire 200k that they had put down on the new house. That does make me feel better knowing her parents wants to do that. The new house (that's currently still being built) will be owned by my ex-wife and her parents. They said they will refinance the mortgage with her. I'm not sure how they will do this given that she has no job and her parents have an existing loan of 300k (for the construction of the new house), but I'm hoping it'll work out. But my main concern is that my name is still on the mortgage but my name is off the deed. I'm basically waiting for them to refinance. In the divorce papers, I agreed to pay additional 6 months of mortgage while she looks for a job. We'll see what happens. I understand that what's done can't be undone, and I'm just hoping for the best. I can't trust her, but her parents are wonderful people, and I do trust them.

Any advice or feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks again!