divorce and dogs

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

My wife and i are getting a divorce, but we havne't told the kids yet or anyone becasue we have a long fight ahead of us. We still live in the same house, but do not speak or intereact (as little as possible). We have a dog currently, who poops and pees all over the house and it is er dog, yet she refuses to clean up after it. she announced today that she is purchasing a puppy for our kids for xmas. i am against this and refuse to have another dog in our house. She will not listen and will just show up with the dog.

Is ther any legal action I can take to keep her from getting a dog given the circumstances?

Thanks,

jcrbard

jcrbard said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

My wife and i are getting a divorce, but we havne't told the kids yet or anyone becasue we have a long fight ahead of us. We still live in the same house, but do not speak or intereact (as little as possible). We have a dog currently, who poops and pees all over the house and it is er dog, yet she refuses to clean up after it. she announced today that she is purchasing a puppy for our kids for xmas. i am against this and refuse to have another dog in our house. She will not listen and will just show up with the dog.

Is ther any legal action I can take to keep her from getting a dog given the circumstances?

Thanks,

jcrbard

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No, there really isn't. You could move out if you liked, but I can see no legal way that you can stop her from buying a dog.

thanks but I am fighting for custody of the kids so I am not going anywhere. Moving out is not an option.

jcrbard said:

thanks but I am fighting for custody of the kids so I am not going anywhere. Moving out is not an option.

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Well, then you are going to have to live with any unpleasantness that results in continuing to share the home. That's just reality.

Has it occurred to you to work with the dog(s) to housebreak it/them?

ETA - and is the existing dog elderly?

stealth - yes, the current dog is elderly and has problems, but is also not disciplined and I am fighting a losing battle when she is home all day and lets the dog poop in the house. As I mentioned, we have started the divorce process and it is going to be a terrible long fight. Anything my wife can do for spite, she will do, like not clean up after her dog and not let him out. I DO NOT want another dog, i do not want the responsibility or the burden. I have made this clear, but that just fuels her more to go out and get it. I told her I will take it to the ASPCA if she brings one home, but she doesnt care, she will go back and pick it up. This is the kind of person I am dealing with.

Is there a way I can hold her responsible for the damage a new dog will do to the house?

jcrbard said:

stealth - yes, the current dog is elderly and has problems, but is also not disciplined and I am fighting a losing battle when she is home all day and lets the dog poop in the house. As I mentioned, we have started the divorce process and it is going to be a terrible long fight. Anything my wife can do for spite, she will do, like not clean up after her dog and not let him out. I DO NOT want another dog, i do not want the responsibility or the burden. I have made this clear, but that just fuels her more to go out and get it. I told her I will take it to the ASPCA if she brings one home, but she doesnt care, she will go back and pick it up. This is the kind of person I am dealing with.

Is there a way I can hold her responsible for the damage a new dog will do to the house?

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If you are not the owner of the dog, you cannot take it to the ASPCA. Do NOT go down that route. Don't you grasp how much boo-hoo value she would get out of that in court?..and how much of a bad guy you would look to your children?

In the property settlement you may be able to hold her responsible for property damage, but it would be limited to actual damages. If a good carpet cleaning would resolve any issue, then that's all you will have.

Please understand, you are getting a divorce, its going to be long and drawn out (according to you) and you are continuing to share a home. Its NOT going to be pleasant for the adults. You simply have to live with that.

Thanks again for the input. Like I said, I just wondered if there was something legally I can do to make her wait until we are living separate before introducing a new dog into the mix and household.

It is amazing how litlle control you have over your own life, kids, money and surroundings when you are the husband in NJ.

Thanks again!

jcrbard said:

Thanks again for the input. Like I said, I just wondered if there was something legally I can do to make her wait until we are living separate before introducing a new dog into the mix and household.

It is amazing how litlle control you have over your own life, kids, money and surroundings when you are the husband in NJ.

Thanks again!

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She has no more control than you do. If you wanted to bring an English Bull Mastiff into the house she couldn't stop you either, so don't try to turn this into a gender issue, because its not.

jcrbard said:

stealth - yes, the current dog is elderly and has problems, but is also not disciplined and I am fighting a losing battle when she is home all day and lets the dog poop in the house. As I mentioned, we have started the divorce process and it is going to be a terrible long fight. Anything my wife can do for spite, she will do, like not clean up after her dog and not let him out. I DO NOT want another dog, i do not want the responsibility or the burden. I have made this clear, but that just fuels her more to go out and get it. I told her I will take it to the ASPCA if she brings one home, but she doesnt care, she will go back and pick it up. This is the kind of person I am dealing with.

Is there a way I can hold her responsible for the damage a new dog will do to the house?

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I have an elderly dog. And sometimes? He has accidents. It's not his fault. But he IS a member of our household, so he is cared for - and cleaned up after - appropriately.

As for taking the new pup to the SPCA? As LDi said - think long and hard before you do so. Your children may never forgive you. I was in a similar situation with my ex, and the kids have never really gotten over it. But they do know who the hero of the story was.

jcrbard said:

Thanks again for the input. Like I said, I just wondered if there was something legally I can do to make her wait until we are living separate before introducing a new dog into the mix and household.

It is amazing how litlle control you have over your own life, kids, money and surroundings when you are the husband in NJ.

Thanks again!

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This has nothing to do with your being the husband. You could do the same thing, and the answers would be the same. The BEST thing you could do is teach your children how to be responsible pet owners - by working with the pup to housebreak and train it, and make the kids work with it daily. Or... you could just whine about how unfair your life is. No one ever promised you a rose garden, cupcake.

jcrbard said:

Thanks again for the input. Like I said, I just wondered if there was something legally I can do to make her wait until we are living separate before introducing a new dog into the mix and household.

It is amazing how litlle control you have over your own life, kids, money and surroundings when you are the husband in NJ.

Thanks again!

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Control over your life? You have all the control. Over your wife? Absolutely none. Sucks not to be able to demean someone doesn't it?

jcrbard said:

Thanks again for the input. Like I said, I just wondered if there was something legally I can do to make her wait until we are living separate before introducing a new dog into the mix and household.

It is amazing how litlle control you have over your own life, kids, money and surroundings when you are the husband in NJ.

Thanks again!

Click to expand...

Only thing you can do is suck it up and be a grownup. You can't do anything legally, but you can demonstrate to your children how not to get involved in spiteful pissing contests.

You have plenty of control over your own life. It's all about choices. No one can "make" you be unhappy, no one can "make" you angry.

And why do you need to stay put in your home if you're filing for custody? How could moving out of the house and out of that mutually created toxic situation be anything but in the best interests for your kids? If you think they haven't noticed Mommy and Daddy are being mean/silly/ridiculous, you've underestimated your kids.

You're really sure that this dog is the hill you want to die on, in light of all that?

$50 says that when he finally decides to tell the kids about the divorce, their response will be "it's about time"!

ecmst12 said:

$50 says that when he finally decides to tell the kids about the divorce, their response will be "it's about time"!

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I'll see your $50 and raise you $75. Kids aren't stupid. My parents are still happily married but I can definitely remember times where they had their moments of idiocy/temper/irrationality. And that's from when I was 5.

Staying in a bad marriage "for the sake of the children" isn't actually doing them any favors. The only thing it does is give them a screwed up idea of what a marriage is supposed to look like. By the time they are old enough to figure out that it's NOT normal, the damage has already been done.