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How bad am I screwed if I divorce?

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Murphy728

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

I'm 44, she's 42
Married 18 years
2 kids (14 & 11)
Total net worth currently ~$450k
My income ~$200k
Wifes income ~ $12-15k off the books (she has a degree)
No debt what-so-ever, other than mortgage

We're both miserable. No history of violence, separation, or abuse of any kind.

Considering divorcing, but concerned it will wipe me out permanently & I'll have to pay forever, given the length of marriage & imbalance of income (although I've begged her to get a better job for years). Willing to part with majority-even all of the assets-to offset permanent alimony. Completely willing to fully support children forever and her through transition. Concerned about long-term burden of 'maintaining standard of living.' We have a fairly substantial home & I can't replace it for her and live somewhere for myself. NJ is just too expensive & the financial drain would have me bankrupt or living paycheck-to-paycheck.

Should I expect to permanently give up 1/2 or more of my income and social security if I go through with this?
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

I'm 44, she's 42
Married 18 years
2 kids (14 & 11)
Total net worth currently ~$450k
My income ~$200k
Wifes income ~ $12-15k off the books (she has a degree)
No debt what-so-ever, other than mortgage

We're both miserable. No history of violence, separation, or abuse of any kind.

Considering divorcing, but concerned it will wipe me out permanently & I'll have to pay forever, given the length of marriage & imbalance of income (although I've begged her to get a better job for years). Willing to part with majority-even all of the assets-to offset permanent alimony. Completely willing to fully support children forever and her through transition. Concerned about long-term burden of 'maintaining standard of living.' We have a fairly substantial home & I can't replace it for her and live somewhere for myself. NJ is just too expensive & the financial drain would have me bankrupt or living paycheck-to-paycheck.

Should I expect to permanently give up 1/2 or more of my income and social security if I go through with this?
She would be able to draw SS Retirement benefits off of your earnings record (assuming that would give her a better result) but that would not effect your benefits.

You can expect to have to divide the marital assets 50/50, which may mean selling the marital home and you both moving into more affordable housing.

You can expect to pay child support according to the state guidelines.

You can expect to pay alimony for a period of time.

With your income you could live quite well even if you had to give her half of your income between child support and alimony. There are people, even in NJ who raise whole families on quarter of what you earn.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
You can expect to pay alimony for a period of time.
Just to expand - OP seems to be concerned about paying permanent alimony. In most states, permanent alimony would be very unlikely in this situation. In NJ, it's not quite as unlikely. A discussion of some of the case law is here:
Limited Duration Alimony Versus Permanent Alimony : New Jersey Law Blog

OP needs to do everything possible to convince the judge that alimony should be of limited duration (or negotiate limited duration). At age 44, 'permanent' is a LOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGG time.
 

Bali Hai

Senior Member
Just to expand - OP seems to be concerned about paying permanent alimony. In most states, permanent alimony would be very unlikely in this situation. In NJ, it's not quite as unlikely. A discussion of some of the case law is here:
Limited Duration Alimony Versus Permanent Alimony : New Jersey Law Blog

OP needs to do everything possible to convince the judge that alimony should be of limited duration (or negotiate limited duration). At age 44, 'permanent' is a LOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGG time.
Yep, and, just HOW would you expect this OP (18 years married) to convince the judge that alimony should be of limited duration? OP makes 200k per year, the wife makes 12-15k per year "off the books".

Layoff the wine. This OP is going to be paying alimony permanently.

Some advice to you and others who read these forums: Judges are elected. That is a fact. If this judge were to place OP's wife on social services under these circumstances, that judge would be ridiculed by every tax payor in the state of NJ.

The "political advantage" is for judges to pissoff a few people in the state of NJ by ordering alimony, than to pissoff the whole tax base who believe their taxes are too high in the first place.

This OP is going to pay alimony through the nose.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Yep, and, just HOW would you expect this OP (18 years married) to convince the judge that alimony should be of limited duration? OP makes 200k per year, the wife makes 12-15k per year "off the books".

Layoff the wine. This OP is going to be paying alimony permanently.

Some advice to you and others who read these forums: Judges are elected. That is a fact. If this judge were to place OP's wife on social services under these circumstances, that judge would be ridiculed by every tax payor in the state of NJ.

The "political advantage" is for judges to pissoff a few people in the state of NJ by ordering alimony, than to pissoff the whole tax base who believe their taxes are too high in the first place.

This OP is going to pay alimony through the nose.
You don't know that. It might happen, but it might not.
 

Murphy728

Junior Member
So 2nd poster thinks I've got a shot & 3rd poster thinks I'm locked long-term. Let me ask you guys this. As I've read through a few things, I keep hearing 'maintaining similar standard of living.' But to me that's saying keeping a big house, doesn't have to work for majority of income, etc. Maybe I'm taking that too literally? If I've got no shot of getting out of permanent alimony, then I'm going to have to live under the pretense of 'it's cheaper to keep her' at least until I can move out of this godforsaken state.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
So 2nd poster thinks I've got a shot & 3rd poster thinks I'm locked long-term. Let me ask you guys this. As I've read through a few things, I keep hearing 'maintaining similar standard of living.' But to me that's saying keeping a big house, doesn't have to work for majority of income, etc. Maybe I'm taking that too literally? If I've got no shot of getting out of permanent alimony, then I'm going to have to live under the pretense of 'it's cheaper to keep her' at least until I can move out of this godforsaken state.
It's very highly dependent on the judge. You need to rely on what your attorney tells you since he/she will know the judges in your county.

Keep in mind, too, that 'permanent alimony' in NJ is actually 'indeterminate alimony'. It keeps going indefinitely, but can be reopened if there's a change in circumstances - such as if she were to remarry.

Ask your attorney.
 

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