unpaid Child support without a court order in place

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kentucky


I'm in Lexington, Ky

I have had full custody of my daughter for over 4.5 years. She has now taken me back to family court to try and gain some sort of court ordered visitation. During this process a child support order will be put in place. My attorney said that I could't get any of the back child support that I've never been paid since I never had an agreement put into the system. She has never paid anything at all away from the courts either. Can I sue for the back child support?

Thank You

BrianTrippett said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kentucky


I'm in Lexington, Ky

I have had full custody of my daughter for over 4.5 years. She has now taken me back to family court to try and gain some sort of court ordered visitation. During this process a child support order will be put in place. My attorney said that I could't get any of the back child support that I've never been paid since I never had an agreement put into the system. She has never paid anything at all away from the courts either. Can I sue for the back child support?

Thank You,

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First, please remove your name and email address from your post.

You can absolutely sue for back child support. That doesn't mean that you'll win. If your attorney is telling you that you can't do it, that is a pretty strong indication that your court is unlikely to entertain it. I would certainly not want to second guess an attorney who knows your situation and the judge.

Thank you,

I thought so, I think my attorney is just trying to chill me out. I really don't care if I win or not, I just want to make things difficult for her. She has 2 other children that live with her father, and she's not taking him to court to get any kind of visitation. This whole thing is more to mess with me more than anything else. Thank you for your answer, I will seek another attorney who will take the case to sue her, I don't mind paying for someone to do so. The point of doing it isn't necessarily to win.

BrianTrippett said:

Thank you,

I thought so, I think my attorney is just trying to chill me out. I really don't care if I win or not, I just want to make things difficult for her. She has 2 other children that live with her father, and she's not taking him to court to get any kind of visitation. This whole thing is more to mess with me more than anything else. Thank you for your answer, I will seek another attorney who will take the case to sue her, I don't mind paying for someone to do so. The point of doing it isn't necessarily to win.

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Um... huh?

You'll spend thousands of dollars to sue your ex for back child support, knowing that you'll probably not get a penny?

She's messing with you, so you're going to mess with her? Is that how that works?

The end game is to make her go away, which will happen if I put enough pressure on. That's a constant pattern in her life. We are not talking about a decent human being here. To give you a very brief description, After we separated she went way downhill on drugs to the point where she was literally a crack whore. She is currently living with a man (who also has documented alcohol problems) who was one of her clients, that left his wife and 2 young kids for her. They couldn't take the embarrassment of everyone in the community where he lived knowing the situation so they ran, bought a boat in FL and are living on it. She constantly post pictures of the parties on facebook on the boat. She now wants me to give her unsupervised visitation so she can take my daughter 16hrs away to be on the boat for a month at a time. At this point money is not the issue at all, safety of my daughter is the only issue. The only reason why she's taking me to court is because she found someone to finance it. If I keep the pressure on he will eventually get sick of paying. He's not that wealthy and is burning through his inheritance. He also has court cases with his now ex wife over visitation with his kids. At some point they will run away and this will be done (he's made several threats saying so). It's time to dial up the pressure.

If there was no court order in place, she was not required to pay. There is no back support to sue for. Why would you not WANT your children to have a relationship with their mother? Your entire attitude is shameful. Your job as the custodial parent is to FACILITATE the relationship with the other parent. If you don't do that, you could find yourself losing custody.

You don't know the whole history at all to make an uneducated opinion like that. Would you as a parent send your child unsupervised on a boat in the middle of the Atlantic ocean, while a crack party was taking place? If so I would question your ability to raise a child. Yes, she has put my child and her other children in similar situations. She refuses to go to drug treatment. I'm not fighting supervised visitation at all. In fact I'm fighting to get a schedule in place to get her to come and see her more in Lexington. She has a phone schedule which she rarely calls. She also has the ability to communicate via email with her daughter at free will, and she never does. But she can find the time to email me to threaten me constantly. This is the tip of the iceberg. She makes that girl in FL that just got away with killing her kid look like an angel. If she showed any interest in her child I would not be this way. I just don't want to be the grieving father whey my child is dead due to what her mother has done. These are legitimate concerns.

You sound addicted to the drama. Do you have any proof of what you are accusing her of? If so, you should not have any problem getting only supervised visitation ordered....to start with, anyway. But you still sound more interested in making your ex suffer than in doing what is best for your child. You had better listen to your attorney or a judge will think the same thing.

There again you don't know enough about the situation, I have a ton of proof (text messages, facebook, etc. ) from her own words. As well as witnesses to the drug use. I have asked for her to go to drug rehab or do testing for at least a year before considering unsupervised visitations. It seems that the courts would do it, if she hadn't moved away from Lexington. Since she is no longer here, they don't seem to care about making sure she's sober. Why do you think I would like her to go away, I've been dealing with this for over 6 years. Nothing has changed. It took 2 years in court to get custody. The court system has miserably failed my daughter. She is a straight A student as well as excels in all of her extra curricular's. A situation came up at school one day after her mother told her on the phone that she was going to get custody of her because she was dating someone with more money than me, where my daughter was extremely upset at school. The teacher called and asked me what was going on, her teacher couldn't believe that she had been dealing with a situation like we were in because my daughter never acts like some to someone who has had those types of problems. My daughter's well being will always come first as it always has. I understand that her mother needs to be in her life somehow, but I also have the duty to protect my daughter. Is it really going to hurt for me to make my ex fight a little to be in her life, maybe then she will respect having her in her life and at least make an attempt to act like a decent human being. The courts have made her go through programs to get her license back from her 4 DUI's as well as her 5 driving suspended from a DUI's. Why is it too much to ask for her to go through some sort of program to get the keys to mess with a 10yr old's mind. Her motion to the court is filled with lies that I have submitted proof to the contrary as well, it shows to me her attitude has not changed at all.

You can't change HER attitude, you can only change YOURS. And I'm telling you if you start filing motions/lawsuits/whatever that you know full well you have no case for, just to be spiteful towards mom, or make her spend more money on legal fees, it is going to make YOU look bad, not her. And it could result in you having to pay her legal fees, too. LISTEN TO YOUR ATTORNEY.

I know your right about it, I'm just tired of doing the right thing and being a constant punching bag. It really makes this whole thing feel completely not fair, as well as the legal system caters to people like her. Somehow it's ok for her to submit a motion full of falsehood and it's ok, and I just have to deal with it.

Bottom line is that if she wants to be part of your MUTUAL child's life, she's likely going to be allowed to do so.

And yes - you will be legally OBLIGED to facilitate their relationship, not thwart it. Tread carefully. You don't want to lose custody, surely?

Not to this evil harridan of a woman?

No?

Then be careful. Any DECENT attorney will tell you that you're playing with fire if you continue with your attitude.

Since she has not been a part of your mutual child's life in how long, you would want to see a graduated visitation plan in the child's community FIRST. It would only go to out of state once it is SUCCESSFUL.

If your X is an irresponsible as you state, then what are the chances that she would do the graduated visitation in Kentucky?

Now, nothing says that you can't promote virtual parenting time:
1. email
2. webcam/ skype / plethora of those
3. phone calls on a schedule

As for the child support, the courts generally only go back to the date of filing.

BrianTrippett said:

I know your right about it, I'm just tired of doing the right thing and being a constant punching bag. It really makes this whole thing feel completely not fair, as well as the legal system caters to people like her. Somehow it's ok for her to submit a motion full of falsehood and it's ok, and I just have to deal with it.

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Dad...how old is your daughter? That can sometimes be a major factor.