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Child care expenses

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anjb43

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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MN

I am divorced. My ex and I have 50/50 shared custody. We share daycare expenses. On my weeks, my son goes to a licensed daycare for which I have a contract. On her weeks, my son attends a different daycare. We have Wednesday overnights with the other parent where drop off and pick up is at the daycare.

We both know that per the daycare contract at both of our daycares, whether our son is at the daycare or not, we are contracted to pay for the entire week. So, we both know that on holidays that we have our son, paid daycare is available to us if it is not our "regularly" scheduled week. Are you following here?

On Halloween, it was my regularly scheduled week. It was her holiday to have our son. Instead of utilizing the already paid and contracted daycare, she chose to put him in her daycare for a day and now expects me to pay for my share of that doubled up, extra expense. She drops our son off at "my" daycare on "my" regularly scheduled weeks every Monday and then picks him up that Wednesday and drops him back off on Thursday. So there is no reason she could not get him to "my" daycare. She did not "need" the extra daycare, as paid daycare services were already available to her.

I have searched the MN courts website for clarification, but there is no clarity on this double daycare expenses.

Can anyone find anything to clarify this? It seems common sense to me that unless daycare is "needed" then you don't reimburse for it.
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MN

I am divorced. My ex and I have 50/50 shared custody. We share daycare expenses. On my weeks, my son goes to a licensed daycare for which I have a contract. On her weeks, my son attends a different daycare. We have Wednesday overnights with the other parent where drop off and pick up is at the daycare.

We both know that per the daycare contract at both of our daycares, whether our son is at the daycare or not, we are contracted to pay for the entire week. So, we both know that on holidays that we have our son, paid daycare is available to us if it is not our "regularly" scheduled week. Are you following here?

On Halloween, it was my regularly scheduled week. It was her holiday to have our son. Instead of utilizing the already paid and contracted daycare, she chose to put him in her daycare for a day and now expects me to pay for my share of that doubled up, extra expense. She drops our son off at "my" daycare on "my" regularly scheduled weeks every Monday and then picks him up that Wednesday and drops him back off on Thursday. So there is no reason she could not get him to "my" daycare. She did not "need" the extra daycare, as paid daycare services were already available to her.

I have searched the MN courts website for clarification, but there is no clarity on this double daycare expenses.

Can anyone find anything to clarify this? It seems common sense to me that unless daycare is "needed" then you don't reimburse for it.
Start by telling us what your court order says about day care. Word for word, but without the names.

Keep in mind as you go through this that the cost and energy required to fight over this matter is far greater than the daycare cost for one day.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MN

I am divorced. My ex and I have 50/50 shared custody. We share daycare expenses. On my weeks, my son goes to a licensed daycare for which I have a contract. On her weeks, my son attends a different daycare. We have Wednesday overnights with the other parent where drop off and pick up is at the daycare.

We both know that per the daycare contract at both of our daycares, whether our son is at the daycare or not, we are contracted to pay for the entire week. So, we both know that on holidays that we have our son, paid daycare is available to us if it is not our "regularly" scheduled week. Are you following here?

On Halloween, it was my regularly scheduled week. It was her holiday to have our son. Instead of utilizing the already paid and contracted daycare, she chose to put him in her daycare for a day and now expects me to pay for my share of that doubled up, extra expense. She drops our son off at "my" daycare on "my" regularly scheduled weeks every Monday and then picks him up that Wednesday and drops him back off on Thursday. So there is no reason she could not get him to "my" daycare. She did not "need" the extra daycare, as paid daycare services were already available to her.

I have searched the MN courts website for clarification, but there is no clarity on this double daycare expenses.

Can anyone find anything to clarify this? It seems common sense to me that unless daycare is "needed" then you don't reimburse for it.
You have an odd situation and I doubt that there is much precedent for it. My guess is that you could make a reasonable argument to a judge that she should pay for the one day of daycare herself since it was an unnecessary expense.

Why in the world are the two off you using two different daycares?
 

anjb43

Member
You have an odd situation and I doubt that there is much precedent for it. My guess is that you could make a reasonable argument to a judge that she should pay for the one day of daycare herself since it was an unnecessary expense.

Why in the world are the two off you using two different daycares?
That was my thought, I told her it was ridiculous that anyone should pay double the daycare expense if paid daycare was available. If she wants to take it further, than I'm prepared to argue that point.

We use two different daycares because she chose to obtain a different one on her weeks (this is actually the 2nd one she has had him in). She would rather have him in a center than in the home daycare he has been in all along. He loves the home daycare I have him in and I don't want to yank him out, he's had enough instability in his short life.

Thanks for the reply.
 

anjb43

Member
Start by telling us what your court order says about day care. Word for word, but without the names.

Keep in mind as you go through this that the cost and energy required to fight over this matter is far greater than the daycare cost for one day.
"Child Care Support. Commencing ---, each party shall make a contribution toward the child care and/or preschool costs incurred on behalf of the minor child. Petitioner is entitled to claim the tax credit so long as he is current on his share of child care costs on December 31 of each year."

That's about it.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
"Child Care Support. Commencing ---, each party shall make a contribution toward the child care and/or preschool costs incurred on behalf of the minor child. Petitioner is entitled to claim the tax credit so long as he is current on his share of child care costs on December 31 of each year."

That's about it.
"contribution toward" is VERY vague language.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
"Child Care Support. Commencing ---, each party shall make a contribution toward the child care and/or preschool costs incurred on behalf of the minor child. Petitioner is entitled to claim the tax credit so long as he is current on his share of child care costs on December 31 of each year."

That's about it.
With that language, I can't see how either of you could ever force the other to pay. As long as you're paying part of the day care, you are complying with the order.

If it were me, I'd simply ignore her demand and if she wants to take it to court, use that as an opportunity to get clarification.

How far apart are you? How old is the child? You may be doing the child a disservice by having him in different day care facilities.
 

anjb43

Member
With that language, I can't see how either of you could ever force the other to pay. As long as you're paying part of the day care, you are complying with the order.

If it were me, I'd simply ignore her demand and if she wants to take it to court, use that as an opportunity to get clarification.

How far apart are you? How old is the child? You may be doing the child a disservice by having him in different day care facilities.
He is 4 and we live about 25 min apart.

I would have rathered him stay in the home daycare he has been in all along but his mother chose to put him in a different daycare the weeks she has him. I worked nights at the time of our divorce so had our son in daycare for part of the time during the day so he has been in this daycare for almost 3 years. When I went to day shift, and we started the week to week schedule, she chose a different daycare.
She now wants to change him again and I told her I think it would not be in his best interest to do that. He needs stabillity and a sense of security. But like she told me.. "I don't get to decide where he goes during his weeks with her".

Thank you for your replies.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
He is 4 and we live about 25 min apart.

I would have rathered him stay in the home daycare he has been in all along but his mother chose to put him in a different daycare the weeks she has him. I worked nights at the time of our divorce so had our son in daycare for part of the time during the day so he has been in this daycare for almost 3 years. When I went to day shift, and we started the week to week schedule, she chose a different daycare.
She now wants to change him again and I told her I think it would not be in his best interest to do that. He needs stabillity and a sense of security. But like she told me.. "I don't get to decide where he goes during his weeks with her".

Thank you for your replies.
At 25 minutes apart, I can see why you'd each want your own local day care.

Mom's right - she can decide which daycare to use. However, with your current orders, I anticipate future problems. What happens if she chooses a more expensive day care? Will she hit you up for part of the cost?

More importantly, you're going to be facing a problem next year or the following year. What happens when the kid goes to school? Unless you're both in the same school district, I hope your order addresses that subject. If not, it could get contentious.
 

anjb43

Member
At 25 minutes apart, I can see why you'd each want your own local day care.

Mom's right - she can decide which daycare to use. However, with your current orders, I anticipate future problems. What happens if she chooses a more expensive day care? Will she hit you up for part of the cost?

More importantly, you're going to be facing a problem next year or the following year. What happens when the kid goes to school? Unless you're both in the same school district, I hope your order addresses that subject. If not, it could get contentious.
Yep, she has already chosen a much more expensive daycare, and nope, nothing I can do about it. I am responsible for 50% of the daycare costs and unfortunately, the divorce decree does not address up to what amount or what would be considered reasonable. But, in that respect, I can do the same if I choose.

We have a plan in place for when our son starts school. We had already agreed to the school district and that is in the court order. And eventually I will be moving closer to the town his mother lives in. With this housing market, selling is going to take some time..
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Yep, she has already chosen a much more expensive daycare, and nope, nothing I can do about it. I am responsible for 50% of the daycare costs and unfortunately, the divorce decree does not address up to what amount or what would be considered reasonable. But, in that respect, I can do the same if I choose.
Not according to the court order you quoted. It simply says that you both have to contribute. It doesn't say how much you have to contribute.


We have a plan in place for when our son starts school. We had already agreed to the school district and that is in the court order. And eventually I will be moving closer to the town his mother lives in. With this housing market, selling is going to take some time..
OK. That will save you a lot of grief.

At this point, you are not obligated to pay for the extra day of day care. So weigh the cost of complying with ex's demands against the problems it will create if you do not do so. In particular, keep in mind that you have 14 more years (at least) of co-parenting and your life will be a lot easier and happier if you can find a way to worth through things like this rather than dumping them into the court's lap.
 
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