THIS, JUST IN, FROM KENTUCKY !

News Flash ! Dateline: Kentucky
Story editor: IAAL


Susie Lee fell in love.
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all,
she told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, "Susie Gal,
you'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' maw don't know,
but Joe is yo' half-brother."

So Susie forgot about her Joe
and planned to marry Will.
But, after telling Pappy this,
he said, "There's trouble still.

You can't marry Will, my gal,
and please don't tell yo' mother,
cause Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half-brother."

But Mama knew and said "Honey Child,
Do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe,
you ain't no kin to Pappy!"

IAAL!!

That is hilarious! AND so true!

Not that I would know or anything - maybe my X would ... ROFLMAO

Ukiah

I see a big fight in Probate Court over the trailer.
Even the judge will be a next of kin.

Signed,
HomeGuru
Trailer, Park and Trash Law Offices, LLC
Legal Counsel for Pappy and John and Jane Does.

Priceless!!

(for everything else, there's Mastercard)

[Edited by Grandma B on 06-18-2001 at 09:09 PM]

HomeGuru said:

Trailer, Park and Trash Law Offices, LLC

Click to expand...

Trailer parks in CA? Don't tell IAAL, he is still in denial..

My response:

I'll thank you very much, LegalBeagle, for NOT spreading such hurtful, hateful and nasty rumors. There are NO goddamned trailers, or trailer parks, in California ! If you keep this up, I will sue you for slander and defacation of character !

Every person in this State has enough money to buy real homes, as God, Heaven, and all the Angels meant it to be !

And, we all have dentists, and NO missing teeth. Each person in this State has, at least, 2 years of college education - - but the vast majority have, in fact, graduated from a decent college.

This is exactly WHY there are no trailers in California. There's NO damned market for them, we make too much money to even think of considering one of those flea traps, and what would any self-respecting, educated, Californian want with a trailer for, anyway ? Certainly not to live in, that's for damned sure ! Perhaps, to blow one up on a movie set - - but, that's about it.

(Talk about "denial")

Shhheeesh !

IAAL

P.S. We're going out for "Chitlins" and Rhubarb pie. See ya'll later at the waterin' hole !

[Edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE on 06-18-2001 at 08:47 PM]

Pssst, when IAAL gets back from chitlin' round, don't tell him, but

Guess my old classmate lied to me . . . . She told me they travel six months of the year and spend the other six in Hemet (which silly old me thought was in CA) in not just a trailer, but a park model at that. I think it's about 400 square feet, which is almost as big as the closets in my "trailer" here in Florida.

My response:

Hemet, hmmm, Hemet. I'll never admit there's a "Hemet" in California. And, if there is, there sure as hell ain't no goddamned trailers there ! There's not a Californian, worth his / her salt, that would EVER admit to have EVER lived in some godforsaken trailer, or trailer park !

If I were Governor, nay, President, I'd outlaw those disease-ridden, rolling closet, gutter streeted, monstrosities from the land - - and put all such inhabitants out on the streets !

We WILL have our "amber waves of grain" back !

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
With no damned trailers above the fruited plain!
America! America!

God shed his grace on thee, and burned a trailer or two
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea - - without trailer parks !

O beautiful for pilgrim feet,
Whose stern, impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat, and no trailers,
Across the wilderness!
America! America!

God mend thy every flaw, by getting rid of the trailers,
Confirm thy soul in self control, except when burning trailers,
Thy liberty in law!

O beautiful for heroes proved, who never lived in a trailer,
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life, and more than a trailer !

America! America!
May God thy gold refine,
Till all success be nobleness
And every gain divine without trailers !

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears because there are no trailers !

America! America!
God shed his grace on thee because you wouldn't bow down to lower prices, K-Mart, Wal-Mart, or trailer parks,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea without trailers !


Hemet - the next A-bomb target.

IAAL

please don't hate me

IAAL,
Please don't hate me. I live in CA, and I love KMart, and Wal Mart. I dropped out in the 10th grade, and don't have my GED. BOO HOO!
Anyway, just thought I'd set the record straight.
I Ain't Never Gunna grdiate, I ain't never gunna get my Ged.
I Ain't on Welfare, but I shure wish I could aFord a Trayler. Shoot man I wish I could a Ford haf a trayler.

O and I have been to Hemet. And Im shure it is in Kalifornia. It's also full of trayler parks, and I ain't forgetin' the Motel 6 they done got there.

My response:

I love you guys !

Thanks for playin' along with me.

I hope all of you realize I was just "funnin' y'all !"

TheStepMom, you're a sweet dear - - and funny too !

And to all of my trailer livin' readers, thanks for being good sports !

IAAL

P.S.S.

My next jag, beginning next week, will be about ragging on people who shop in Flea Markets, or at the "99 Cent Only" store. What a bunch of lowlifes those jerks are ! Get a life, will ya ? Ever heard of "Retail" ?

I'm puttin' my "material" together now.

IAAL

can't wait til next week. Cause I Luv the ninty nine cent only store.
Thank you, your a sweet dear too. I needed a little funny tonight too, so thanks for that.

IAAL, once again I thank you for the laugh. I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!
Since this is, after all, an 'advice' board, I thought it would be nice to include some 'advice'.
--------

Redneck/Trailer Park Etiquette


General

Never take a beer to a job interview.

Always identify people in your yard before shooting at
them.

It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change
the sheets.

Even if you're certain that you are included in the
will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul
to the funeral home.

--------------------------------

Dining Out

When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper
cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit
of the wine.

If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it
with your fingers covering the label.

----------------------------

Entertaining in your home

A centerpiece for the table should never be anything
prepared by a taxidermist.

Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter
how good his manners are.

----------------------------------

Personal Hygiene

While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job
that should be done in private using one's OWN truck
keys.

Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is
a waste of good money.

Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social
no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry
and alter the taste of finger foods.

-----------------------------

Dating (outside the family)

Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on
the first date.

Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've
been wanting to go out with you since I read that
stuff about you on the bathroom wall two years ago."

Establish with her parents what time she is expected
back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say
"Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's
responsibility to get her to school on time.

---------------------------

Theater Etiquette
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked
up immediately after the movie has ended.

Refrain from talking to characters on the screen.
Tests have proven they can't hear you.

-------------------------

Weddings
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding
gift.

Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you
shot.

For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit
with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create
a tacky appearance.

Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for
this special occasion.

------------------------

Driving Etiquette
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires always has the right of way.

When sending your wife down the road with a gas can,
it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral
procession.

That is so funny although I'd be grateful if someone could tell me what "Chitlins" are - they/it don't seem to be available in British supermarkets!



Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.

Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.

When dining out remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.

When entertaining at home, if your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.

No matter how broke you are, never take your date flowers that were stolen from a cemetery.



You know a ocmputer is owned by a redneck if...
 
* The mouse is referred to as a "critter."
* The keyboard is camouflaged.
* There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
* There is a gunrack mounted on the CPU.
* The password is, "bubba."
* The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
* Outgoing faxes have beer stains on them.
* The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
* The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
* The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.
* Jeff Foxworthy *.wavs.
* The monitor is up on blocks.
* Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.
* Deer jerky is in the desk drawer.
* The screen saver consists of pictures of Ned Beatty with dueling banjos playing in the background.
* The six front keys have rotted out.
* John Deer Pocket Protectors.


Regards to all - you really do make my day brighter...