Need help taking a guy to court for a second time?

[Psalm23-4]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Psalm23-4]

Sorry, for some reason it didn't post the long message I typed

First of all I live in NC.

So I, a female, ended up getting a no-contact restraining order a few months ago against my male ex-best friend because he couldn't stop harassing me. We had a falling out almost a year ago due to many factors, including the fact that he continuously failed to get treatment for his mental issues and it got the best of him, along with some drug and alcohol abuse and also the fact that he, and I quote, "couldn't handle the friend zone." After a particularly strange night when he accused me of some pretty hurtful and terrible stuff with absolutely no grounds for it, I said I didn't want to talk to him until he got help for his delusions. He continued to do things like follow me in my car, park outside my apartment and wait outside for me to come out, send me dozens of texts, snapchats, Facebook messages, PlayStation chats, and even eventually emails after I had blocked him on everything else. Eventually the emails became very threatening and sexually charged to the point where it was scaring me and especially my parents and roommates and other family, who he began to harass eventually as well. That's when I decided to get the restraining order.

We were never in a romantic or sexual relationship, though I understood he had what I thought was a small crush on me at the beginning. I am good friends today with more than a boy who had small crushes on me when we first met, but eventually it faded and now we have been great friends for years. I thought it would be the same with this guy, but it's now at all. He is absolutely
Obsessed. The restraining order states that he's not to come within a certain amount of feet of me, nor is he to come to my apartment or try to contact me in anyway. But in the past month, he has started to harass my friend again, sending messages that are concerning and very sexually charged about me.

I really want to take him to court again because obviously he needs a stronger message, but I'm scared.

It was awful, having to get that initial restraining order. First of all, the defendant did not even show up for the first court date. I told my professors I wouldn't be in class, thinking I'd be in court, and also took that morning off work. My parents did the same, getting up very early and driving almost three hours to my location to be there for me. Only to find out that he wasn't even required to show up for that date, only I was for some reason (can someone explain that to me??). When he finally did show up to the next court date, it was the most harrowing experience of my life. I had to take off school and work again which was another big inconvenience, considering how badly I need the money. My parents weren't able to take off work again, so I walked in by myself to a much more crowded room than last time. I had to sit st the witness stand in front of a court room full of strangers and talk about the whole ordeal, and repeat all of the horrible embarrassing and sexual things he had said about me and accused me of in the messages. I started visibly shaking, ugly crying, and everything. I almost threw up in front of the court and could barely stand to make it back to the chair. I don't have anxiety talking in front of big groups at all, but I had never done anything like that before.

The worst part was that I was already so nervous going into the court, knowing I would be seeing him again, and what made it even more scary was the knowledge that I would be going in there alone without any representation and not knowing a thing about what goes on in a court room. I've never even had a traffic violation before, so the only experience with court rooms was what I had seen on TV. I don't feel like I represented myself well at all, and I would really like to go into the next court date with someone who is more experienced and can fight for a heftier punishment than what I fear will be given.

The problem is, I'm a 20-year-old student struggling to put myself through school without loans. My parents always stressed never going into debt while I was growing up, so I thought I was doing the right thing by saving up during middle/high school and continuing to work through college so that I could pay out of pocket. Now I wish I had a loan just so I could pay an attorney just to help me get this guy off my back. My parents never went to college themselves and they don't make much money at all, plus I wouldn't feel right asking them to help out considering they still have my 4 younger siblings to provide for. So clearly I can't afford to hire anyone to help me in the courtroom.

I have tried calling around to various people, the police, law offices, women's shelters, even people at the court house, but they've all been less than helpful. The police just said that unless the guy has mentioned me by name in the messages to my friend, there's nothing a court can do (is this true??) The cheapest attorney I could find was 3,000!!! I asked the women's shelters and people in the court house if there was anyway I could get some aid, considering I was a young college student without a sizable income. They told me that since this is a civil case and not technically a criminal case, the courts wont grant me an attorney, and lawyers would be less inclined to reduce rates or take it on pro bono....

So at this point, I am turning to you, people of Yahoo, in hopes that maybe there is someone out there who has experienced a similar situation and can give me some advice on how to move forward. I really am so ignorant about this entire field, and would like to learn more but don't even know how to begin. Right now I am looking at going to court with him by myself again, which I will do if I have to. But nothing fills me with more dread than having to face him alone again, and read to the courtroom full of strangers the awful things he says about me.

So please, if there is anyone out there who knows anything about situations like this, I really need some advice.

Thanks for your time, especially if you managed to read all of that

 

[quincy]

First of all I live in NC.

So I, a female, ended up getting a no-contact restraining order a few months ago ...

... The restraining order states that he's not to come within a certain amount of feet of me, nor is he to come to my apartment or try to contact me in anyway. But in the past month, he has started to harass my friend again, sending messages that are concerning and very sexually charged about me ... I really want to take him to court again because he obviously needs a stronger message, but I'm scared.

When a restraining order is violated, the one violating the order can be arrested. Every time your order is violated, you should be calling the police.

If the guy is harassing others beside you (for instance, a friend), those being harassed will need to take care of it themselves.

... Only to find out that he wasn't even required to show up for that date, only I was for some reason (can someone explain that to me??).

You apparently sought an emergency order, which is a temporary restraining order that is issued based only on your own testimony/evidence.

When he finally did show up to the next court date, it was the most harrowing experience of my life. ... I don't feel like I represented myself well at all, and I would really like to go into the next court date with someone who is more experienced and can fight for a heftier punishment than what I fear will be given. So clearly I can't afford to hire anyone to help me in the courtroom.

The second hearing was the fellow's chance to present to the court reasons and evidence why he should not be restrained. It was his time to argue against having the temporary order made permanent (with "permanent" generally meaning 6 months to a year).

It appears that the court issued the restraining order against him despite any arguments he might have presented.

So at this point, I am turning to you, people of Yahoo ....

Um, if you are turning to the "people of Yahoo," you have turned in the wrong direction. Try https://www.yahoo.com.

I recommend that, if the restraining order is violated again, you call the police.

I suggest that, if the restraining order needs to be extended or renewed or if you need some support, you contact a victim advocacy group (like the North Carolina Victim Assistance Network: http://www.nc-van.org/). An advocate can accompany you to court, which can help ease your worry.

Good luck.