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Demented senior and POA

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blistexluv

Guest
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? New Jersey

My SO's grandfather died last year leaving his entire estate to his second wife, whom I will call Mary in this post, to be passed along to his family upon her death. I will just list the facts followed by my question.

-Because we live in a different state than Mary does a 'businesswoman' was hired to assist Mary (such as getting to doctors appointments). I am unsure what the business is technically called, but this woman helps the elderly for a living and is bonded.

-This businesswoman succeeded in getting Mary to give her POA. She now charges Mary $1500/month for her services and put Mary in an extremely expensive assisted living facility.

-The businesswoman takes Mary to a psychologist of her choosing, who has deemed Mary to be mentally fit and capable, but we think Mary is demented/senile, if not affected with Alzheimers. She cannot carry on a coherent conversation for very long, forgets who she is talking to (even if they're standing in front of her), asks the same questions over and over, and even said to my SO a few weeks ago, when he told her my own grandfather had just died, "it's a good thing your grandfather is still alive and kicking." mary has twice "wandered away' from her facility in the past few months "to take the train to see her mother". Mary is 89 years old. The assisted living facility now charges Mary $2500/month for somebody to sit with her all day to make sure she doesn't wander away.

-The businesswoman ignores phone calls and evades questions about Mary's health, living arrangements, and money. She has already been caught in a lie (regarding a certified, dated check), and others are suspected. We believe this woman is simply taking advantage of a lonely, senile woman and we want her out. My SO's grandfather wished him to have POA and we want it to be that way, but Mary won't sign it away from this businesswoman. At the rate she and the facility are charging Mary not only will there be no inheritance left, but Mary herself will be out of money soon.

My question:
My SO's mother has consulted with two separate lawyers concerning this situation. She wants POA transferred away from the businesswoman so Mary's own family, rather than a stranger, can make decisions. Both lawyers have told her the family is out of luck and there's no legal foot for her to stand on as long as Mary is deemed competent (and that she would have to be "virtually comatose" in order to be declared incompetent).
I told her she should consult a third lawyer, but this time one specializing in elder law. She is hesitant to do so, however, because the first two told her to give up. So I'd like to know if anyone here thinks there may indeed be a chance of legally gaining POA over Mary so that my SO's mother will consult a specialist. She lies awake night after night with this stress and I'd like to give her a bit of relief if possible.

Thanks much for wading through all this!!
 


ellencee

Senior Member
blistexluv
Have any of you read the POA? Do you know whether or not the POA is required to be registered and each expenditure submitted to the clerk of court (or whoever in your state receives such documentation?)

The only part of the current expenses that I consider to be excessive is the $1500 a month to serve as POA and transport Mary to appointments. The assisted living facility can not provide 24-hour a day observation and/or protection. In order for Mary to remain there, she has to have a sitter 24/7. This is not an unusual practice and the $2500/month charges are not unreasonable. In fact, sitters usually charge a minimum of $8/hr (in my area) and that translates to about $5700 per month.

Assisted living facilities are preferable to nursing homes. If Mary has this kind of money, then it is going to be spent taking care of Mary until the money runs out. Then, she can be placed in a facility that accepts Medicaid payment.

Mary could live for many more years. It appears that she is in good physical health, is well cared-for, and (regardless of mental acuity) stands a good chance of living beyond her available funds. Mary deserves to benefit from the money she has and to receive the best living conditions and care that she can afford. Mary has no obligation to leave one penny to anyone and sometimes that goes against what we expect from our elders.

Encourage your SO's mother not to grieve over money that is not hers and to be proud that her father was able to provide for the woman he loved long after he was gone.

Best wishes,
EC
 
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blistexluv

Guest
I gave nothing but the barest of facts here in order for my legal question to be answered. If you want to consider my SO's dead mother the money really should be her's...but that's neither here nor there on this forum, I suppose.

As both a Libertarian and someone who actually happens to care that we're throwing away our elderly at an alarming rate I'm appalled that you'd propose letting an old woman fly through the money she has for her care to be thrown into a government-funded nursing home for her last years. To equate what this particular facility is charging her with *any* (good) assisted living facility would be like telling a young person looking to buy their first home that the only place they can look is Beacon Hill because *all* homes are expensive these days...never mind their entire down payment would only cover one month's rent - hey, at least you'll live in style before you're forced to live in a trailer park.

So anyway, is the first sentence of that post the only answer? Is it true that nothing else can be done?
 

ellencee

Senior Member
I may have misunderstood the living from the dead in your post, but you have totally misunderstood my response.

The law is on the elderly woman's side. She was competent, or rather no one had had her declared incompetent, when she designated her POA. Becoming incompetent after the POA takes over is EXACTLY what a POA is for--to take over, or continue, when the person becomes incompetent.

The only action of which I am aware is the accountability of the POA in certain circumstances where transactions must be filed with the court. In that situation, the estate or heirs can ask the court to determine whether or not the POA has to return the money to the estate.

The elderly woman with the POA can spend her money anyway she chooses and when it is all gone, if no one wants to take care of her, she WILL end up in a Medicaid facility because she will no longer qualify for Assisted Living without a 24/7 sitter.

Now, if you don't like that advice...well, heck...you won't like it; nevermind.

EC
 
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