You have to think of a marraige as what it actually is,,,,,,,a contract.
For a court to void or invalidate a contract, the legal requirements to ask for the contract to be voided must be met. The state sets these requirements, the same as in any contract law. If you cannot meet these requirements, they can refuse to invalidate or void the contract.
Not fair if you ask me but that is how it is.
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Short of moving out of state which I cant because of kids/visitation I can do nothing
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Refile for divorce in New York. If this doesn;t seem like an option, obtain residence in another state and then refile.
In life, we all make choices. Sometimes we choose to not do anything. Sometimes we chose to do whatever it takes to get what we want done, done.
The choices are not always the way we want to do things but if that is what it takes to get the job done and we want the job done, we do what we have to.
It's your choice to do or not do what it takes to achieve your goal. Only you can determine if it is worth what it takes.