Concerned Stepmother might get family home

[lelandmck1215]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

Thanks to everyone who reads this. I have always had a good relationship with my father, who got remarried about 12 years ago, after he a my mother divorced. But in the last few years, we haven't spent that much time together simply because we have lived in different cities, and things feel a bit strained (we still talk on a regular basis, and get together as much as time permits). I am in my late 20's now and a bit more worldly, and am more than concerned about the fate of our family home (which has been in our family for a number of generations), and the possibility that my stepmother may gain control if my father dies before her. If this were ever to be the case, I would be more than happy to give her lifetime rights to the property, but would not want her able to make capital decisions on its fate. I'm concerned that she influences him in a negative way, for solely the reason that myself (and most people that are native to the town in which the home is) think that she is, (to put politely), not the best of people.
How should I approach this situation, and what specific terminology/legal direction should I take with my father so as to not strain relations any further. Once again, thanks to everyone who is interested.

 

[anteater]

How should I approach this situation, and what specific terminology/legal direction should I take with my father so as to not strain relations any further. Once again, thanks to everyone who is interested.

I have no idea what you are talking about. You don't have a legal problem or question. You have a parent - child relationship problem that you are trying to pin on the stepmother.

 

[Texas Pooh]

You do understand that you have absolutely NO rights in the matter, don't you? You certainly don't have any say about "giving" her lifetime rights in the house: it simply is not yours to give away.

The issue is entirely up to your father, who can choose to do what he wants with HIS asset. He can leave it to anyone he wants to, including his wife and/or her decedents (perhaps someone he actually has something other than a strained relationship with) or he can sell it to fund his retirement/nursing care. In fact, if he has not made adequate provisions for care during the end of his lifetime, it won't even be an issue.

Further, I believe that North Carolina has an elective share, and that a surviving wife is entitled to a percentage of the assets depending on the number of children of the decedent. While the house may be your father's separate property, the elective share may still come into play depending on what other assets exist.

Nonetheless, you can go ahead and ask your father what he intends to do about "your" house. That should warm up the relationship nicely.

If you must talk to him about this, you can always ask him, politely, if he is comfortable discussing his estate plans with you. That is generally considered the way "the best people" do it. If he's not, you'll need to drop the entire subject - and take the hint.

 

[curb1]

This will be your father's decision. I would suggest that you need to communicate your thoughts directly to him and let the chips fall where they may. There will be very little you can do to move this in your desired direction without his approval.

 

[izzie01]

Something happened like this with one of my relatives. I'll call him Jon. Jon was married and had two children by Sue. Sue died when about 60. Jon remarried about to Jill 2 yrs later and Jon died about 4 yrs later. Jons 2nd wife Jill sold house and all possesions and re-married again..to a really old guy and he died a few yrs later, so she got all his assests too. (this was her 3rd husband who died) No one in the family ever really complained directly to Jill, but they were a bit upset. ( alot of complaining behind her back) She would still be invited and would come to family functions..with the "new guy" in tow. Jon never set up a trust of any kind or had a will so what was there to fight about, assests went to surviving spouse...still was upseting to Jon's kids. Maybe you should bring this up to your father and tell him you would like the house be left to his kids because she could leave it to anyone she wants if your father passes first, even her kids or whoever. Maybe some kind of trust...But maybe he wants to leave it to his "new" wife to care for her ie: she could sell it and use assests to care for herself. It just depends on what he wants to do with HIS assests.

 

[colourfastt]

You do know there's no such thing as a "family home"? Your father may do what he wishes with HIS house.

 

[mtpockets]

Qtip

If your father wishes to provide for your stepmother during her lifetime and for his children after your stepmother's death, he can do so using a QTIP trust.