I'm pretty upset about what's happened....

[mommyreeves]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina.

My mother passed away after about 4.5 months in the hospital due to liver failure. Prior to her even going into the hospital (summer of 2009) she told me that if anything ever happened to her, she wanted to make sure I immediately went to get her "good" jewelry. (She had quite a bit). She said for me to go through what I wanted and save out three pieces to give to the twin step-granddaughters (age 9) and the other step-granddaughter, who is 6. She said for me to hold onto them until they were of responsible age.
So, the day after the funeral, I went and got the jewelry and didn't say anythingb to my dad (well, step-dad until he adopted me in 2000).
Last Friday (a week after I got the jewelry) I told him and he had a fit. I told him that that was her "spoken" wishes...(I could've sworn that she wrote it down somewhere, but I've yet to find it). So, today, when I went to see dad, I just gave him the jewelry and told himn that it WAS mom's wishes but he could just do with what he wanted to do with it b/c I am not for conflict....especially after not only losing my mother, but my best friend.
I asked him for ONE specific ring (even though she made it VERY clear to me that she wanted me to have it all and to decide who got the three other pieces between the granddaughters). He said "well, I just don't know about that" and he also said that "it wasn't my place to distribute the jewelry and HE would be the one to decide who got what." WTHeck? I'm so torn up about this b/c this whole past year (2009) he didn't treat my mother good AT ALL!
I don't know where the letter is that she wrote, if there is one or if she was just saying it in passing type of thing. The only other thing is is that if she went and changed it in the will, I basically don't have a chance, do I?
We haven't even gone for the reading of the will but I'm just so confused as to why a DAD would do this to his daughter! I'm just so angry at him b/c I just can't see a dad doing this (if he was a biological father). UGHHH, PLEASE HELP!

 

[curb1]

You legally did the right thing by returning the jewelry. It sounds like there is a communication problem. You said, "I went and got the jewelry and didn't say anything to my dad". You should not have done that. Perhaps that is the reason for this problem.

Why didn't this get taken care of while your mother was living? Problems almost always escalate after death.

p.s. You said, "reading of the will". There might not ever be a "reading of the will".

 

[nextwife]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina.

My mother passed away after about 4.5 months in the hospital due to liver failure. Prior to her even going into the hospital (summer of 2009) she told me that if anything ever happened to her, she wanted to make sure I immediately went to get her "good" jewelry. (She had quite a bit). She said for me to go through what I wanted and save out three pieces to give to the twin step-granddaughters (age 9) and the other step-granddaughter, who is 6. She said for me to hold onto them until they were of responsible age.
So, the day after the funeral, I went and got the jewelry and didn't say anythingb to my dad (well, step-dad until he adopted me in 2000).
Last Friday (a week after I got the jewelry) I told him and he had a fit. I told him that that was her "spoken" wishes...(I could've sworn that she wrote it down somewhere, but I've yet to find it). So, today, when I went to see dad, I just gave him the jewelry and told himn that it WAS mom's wishes but he could just do with what he wanted to do with it b/c I am not for conflict....especially after not only losing my mother, but my best friend.
I asked him for ONE specific ring (even though she made it VERY clear to me that she wanted me to have it all and to decide who got the three other pieces between the granddaughters). He said "well, I just don't know about that" and he also said that "it wasn't my place to distribute the jewelry and HE would be the one to decide who got what." WTHeck? I'm so torn up about this b/c this whole past year (2009) he didn't treat my mother good AT ALL!
I don't know where the letter is that she wrote, if there is one or if she was just saying it in passing type of thing. The only other thing is is that if she went and changed it in the will, I basically don't have a chance, do I?
We haven't even gone for the reading of the will but I'm just so confused as to why a DAD would do this to his daughter! I'm just so angry at him b/c I just can't see a dad doing this (if he was a biological father). UGHHH, PLEASE HELP!

Sorry for your loss.

Yes a dad has a right to have a say in how his WIFE'S jewelry is distributed if it remained unaddressed in the will. Why are you differentiating between biofathers and adoptive fathers? You are implying he is less of a father because he adopted you and that a biodad would just ignore the will or the law?

 

[mommyreeves]

You know, I'm so sorry I came to this forum - yes, my mother adopted me when I was 18 months old so I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A REAL MOTHER! As far as my father goes, he's always resented me and there have been issues with my father and his children being AGAINST me and my mom. I know now that I will not come back here as I feel Like I'm being attacked and THAT'S THE LAST THING I NEED - I WILL JUST GO TO SEE MY DAD IF I WANT THAT!
You know, these responses have been so ignorant and I hope you feel that all I wanted was some advice NOT criticism.

My mom's wishes were for ME to have the jewelry and because SHE TOOK CARE OF MY FATHER for so long is the reason she probably didn't go to the lawyer and have it changed. My father told me he "didn't care what she said - it was his". I'm just so upset that not only do I have to deal with the passing of my mother, my best friend but I'm also having to deal with all of this unessary stress. (and by the way, I did end up telling dad that I got the jewelry and after I even spoke to the local sherriff, he said to keep it, that there was nothing they could do about it. But, in my goodness of heart, I just couldn't do it.
My mother adopted me and I am VERY PRO-ADOPTION b/c had it not been for her, I would have had wreckage in my life.
Thanks for ALL THE GREAT SUPPORT!!! (YEAH, RIGHT).

 

[anteater]

You weren't "attacked."

And the local sheriff does not know what he is talking about.

 

[Zigner]

I'm sorry for your loss too...

Beyond that - YEESH!!!

You have TWO parents...your MOTHER and your FATHER. You were adopted by BOTH!

If your mom's wishes were for you to have the jewelery, I am sure she put that in her will, right?

You are demonizing this man...one who has lost his wife over over 10 years. That is not a good thing. And the sheriff...he was an idiot. There are DEFINITELY things that can be done because of your THEFT.

You know, I'm so sorry I came to this forum - yes, my mother adopted me when I was 18 months old so I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A REAL MOTHER! As far as my father goes, he's always resented me and there have been issues with my father and his children being AGAINST me and my mom. I know now that I will not come back here as I feel Like I'm being attacked and THAT'S THE LAST THING I NEED - I WILL JUST GO TO SEE MY DAD IF I WANT THAT!
You know, these responses have been so ignorant and I hope you feel that all I wanted was some advice NOT criticism.

My mom's wishes were for ME to have the jewelry and because SHE TOOK CARE OF MY FATHER for so long is the reason she probably didn't go to the lawyer and have it changed. My father told me he "didn't care what she said - it was his". I'm just so upset that not only do I have to deal with the passing of my mother, my best friend but I'm also having to deal with all of this unessary stress. (and by the way, I did end up telling dad that I got the jewelry and after I even spoke to the local sherriff, he said to keep it, that there was nothing they could do about it. But, in my goodness of heart, I just couldn't do it.
My mother adopted me and I am VERY PRO-ADOPTION b/c had it not been for her, I would have had wreckage in my life.
Thanks for ALL THE GREAT SUPPORT!!! (YEAH, RIGHT).