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Left as only hier to will, trustee's don't like me. Problem?

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WhereIsJustice

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Wash St. My father is my only living parent, but I have 6 other siblings. I don't know why, but a few months ago, my dad gave each of us a copy of his will, & he left everything only to me. His trailer, his van, & any money, also all contents of the trailer. This is a shock & a saddness to me.Why? Because being the youngest, I have always been the 'black sheep' of my family. My siblings grew up thinking my parents loved me more then them, which was never true. But, they made me pay the price growing up. I grew up in a huge family, a very lonely person as they avoided me, & teased me relentlessly. He left as trustees to this will, my middle sister & her husband, who have never liked me or my husband. ( My husband is also in the will w/me.) If something happens to us, it is to go to my children, of which after my only daughter recently passed on, is only 3 remaining sons. When I asked my father why, he said because they have so much, & you have nothing. You & your husband remind me of your mother & I as we were struggeling. ( Made me cry, as I seen it as pity, & not love..but I know he means well..even though a million dollars couldn't replace my father.) This is all hard for me to even talk about, but I fear for if my dad does preceed me in death..since those who are his trustees, hate me so very much. Am I in danger, or should I be afraid? I know once anything ever does happen to my wonderful father, all my siblings will try hard to make my life even more miserable. How can I be sure things go as my father wishes, & prepare myself. I don't know what a trustee can do. I just know my dads trustees hate me & my husband. Also a qeustion about the will. I noticed there was a place marked for him to initial, that he didn't. It was the part of changing the will if he wanted to change his mind. Why wouldnt' he initial this, if you know?
What can a trustee do to the hier, or can't do? Can they take thier time w/his wishes, do whatever they want? I didn't understand that part as I read it at all, I'm still qaucking from the news he choseonly me, out of so many, & he chose some people who hate us to be his trustees. Thank you very much. I appreciate anything you can help me with, regarding this. This is new to me, & not a very easy subject for me to talk about.
 


Don't take his remarks as pity - he obviously sees himself in you, and that's a compliment. His way of showing his love for you.

how did your siblings respond to the will when they saw it? did anyone say anything to you or your father?

You might suggest to him that he remove your sibling as executor and instead name a 3rd party (perhaps the attorney who did the will for him). This would eliminate that problem and could provide you with some legal advise as well.
 

WhereIsJustice

Junior Member
Siblings are playing "mind" games on elderly father

Thank you for responding.

He (my father), didn't have a attn. do it, he had a legal package he bought sent to him. Then he filled a living will, & a will so he wouldn't be revived if something should happen to him. Then he went to his credit Union, & a notory w/wittnesses watched as he signed it, and they helped him make sure it was legal. This is what I was told.

Regarding my siblings, my father went to each, asking them what they felt before he signed the will, each agreed, but inside I knew they were hurt, & angry. We were brought up not to disagree regardless, with our parents, even as adults.

It is showing up now. First I was treated nicely, then slowly the bitterness started to show. I was never invited to any holidays, as was customary. Then a week ago, my sister who thinks she runs the family & who my parents always thought highly of because of her accomplishments, called me up and told me I was no longer invited to any family functions, I was no longer a family member. My father had a talk with her, but is even closer to her now then ever. Spending alot more time over at her house, and being silent with me.

The trustee, who is my middle sister, as well as my oldest sister, (who all 3 sisters vacation together, & go out every week end together) want me to just disappear. The trustee sister, after about 2 weeks of being showed the paper work, asked my father if maybe I wasn't his daughter after all. Claiming my poor mother who has been dead for 2 yrs. might have cheated on him.

I'm the only daughter who looks like my parents, the other 3 don't even look alike..(see where this is going?)

My 2 brothers stopped coming to see me. We have no family relationships anymore since the will.

Also, my family is a highly claimed christian family, yet not a practicing one. Who is now trying to convince my father it is my husband & me living & caring for him, that is making his health go down hill. This is going to sound off the wall, but they say we are filled w/demons, and into witch craft, we made him ill, & we must of placed a spell on him.

This is getting serious & out of hand. We already are finding a place to move to, & still fear as now my father is starting to believe them. His illness has progressed to a mental state now, he is un-aware of some things he does or says to others. We are still mourning our daughter, & in shock over that, we don't know what to do. My dad is aware of the trustee not liking us, I don't know why he made them the trustees, knowing this. Right now, he is in such a bad mental state.

I just keep my mouth shut, & go on w/my life. I know a big storm is brewing w/in the family about us though. I just wish he wouldn't have left me anything, & I would have gone home right after my daughter passed on. It is a horrible, & sad situation.

Thank you
 

WhereIsJustice

Junior Member
Sorry, I forgot to add. After my father had his will notorized, he gave each of us a copy, except for 2 members, who he said he disowned. ( I know there is something illegal about that, isn't there?)

He said it was legal, he had the Notory & bank helping him. I don't know about such matters, I do know there is about $150,000 in insurance money. I think that is why everyone is angry & turning on me. It isn't over a trailer & van.

I really just wished none of it would havehappened. I told my father after my daughters service, after he begged me to live w/him because he was loney, & loved me..I wanted Nothing!

Next thing I knew, he gave me everything. Now I lost my family, they wern't much, but at least a family.
thank you.
 
I really feel for you in all this, the loss of your daughter and for your father's condition. Sounds like your siblings are a real treat.

You have a few choices. I think you know as well as I do that they are either going to try and get him to change the will or will challenge it upon his passing. It's up to you how you want to proceed. I don't know how it is in WA, but I would think everything would have to go through probate anyway upon his passing. At which time you can either let them have their way and get what they want or you can hire an attorney to fight for what your father obviously wanted you to have. While I'm not one to push for a fight, I also believe in standing up for what's right.

Remember that what goes around, comes around. Their nastiness and hatred will come back to bite them in the ass someday. You and your husband know you are good people and love your father. You could try asking your sisters straight out what their problem is with you, confront them, but it probably wouldn't change anything.

I know it hurts to think you've lost them - but you need people around you who are supportive and loving especially during this grieving process. You have your husband & your sons - THEY are your family. Try to spend as much time with your father as you can, don't let them win that battle(trying to drive you away). He's just as much your daddy as theirs. You don't need their family functions - you can make your own and bring your dad to YOUR home. You don't need negative influences in your life, and they aren't worth exerting the energy over. I would rather have no family than a family that makes me feel like crap.

Take care of yourself and your family, and your father in any way you can. When the time comes, you'll know what you want to do - fight or move on.

Good luck, and again I am so sorry for your loss. Take care.
 

WhereIsJustice

Junior Member
Thank you so much for not only your response, but being so kind to me. I don't think anyone has said one kind word to me since before any of this. It is over a yr. Jan 2nd, since this all started to happen. My siblings didn't even care , said or did anything when she did pass on. The 1 who tossed me out of the family, did tell me to just give her a cheap burial. I wouldn't do that, anymore then she would her only son. If she could, his face (God forgive) would be on the front page if she could do it.

Even the minister at my daughters service was not himself, as he had just heard the night before his father passed on, he should have had his assistant or anyone else take his place, but it was a service none of us will forget. He spoke of everything, but my daughter, as many of the mourners were moving about switching seats. I could almost hear my daughter saying "Only at my service could this happen"..

I wondered then, but I still was in shock, that none of my family said anything to us about our great loss. I had been gone for over 8yrs., to live in my home state of MT. (My daughter stayed behind, because her husband is from here, & wouldn't come.) My dad was wonderful to us, opening his heart, & his home to us. He only became depressed, very unsettled, & now is becoming aggitated because my sisters , mostly the 1 who tossed me out..., started all the rumors, & lies about my husband & I. Placing doubt in my other siblings, & hurting my father as he has to witness a family he loves falling apart before he passes on. She did tell me the reason I was casted out. She said it was because I am too ill ( I had a intestinal surgery, ended up I didn't need it after all, 3 wks. after it something went wrong, I'm awaiting for a surgeon to fix whatever it is, meanwhile I am pretty much limited since my daughters death awaiting for my insurance to kick in april so I can have my surgery.) She claims I am sick too much. She did invite me to this yrs. New years eve family party she was giving, but because of my illness, & it also being my daughters 1st ann. of her passing..I just couldn't go. She got very angry over that.

Little does she or the others know how my heart aches because I couldn't attend, but no one has any choices if they are seriously ill, & I don't see how it can be anyones fault. Maybe the surgeon who did this to me, but how can it be mine?

I know they all are very jealous my father enjoys my husband & my company. Which I don't understand, since he said they never came to see him after my mom passed on anyway. He does many things with them, including taking them each out for special B.day dinners, just a nice breakfast. Even joining a bowling league w/them..at his age of 84. He loves us all eqaully & shows it. He just seems to not have any differances w/my husband & I. That could be bothering them too, as many have tryed to live w/him, but it never worked out. They drove my father crazy trying to change him & his life..we don't do that, we respect him, this is his home, not ours. We are grateful just to spend time w/him while we can.

I was never excepted into this family by my siblings. I was until the will, by my 2 brothers, but never by my sisters..& to this day, I don't know why. It has been a deep heartache all of my life.

I know things are going to get really nasty , specially if my father does preceed me. They are fighters, I am not, yet I believe in justice & right is right, wrong is wrong. I don't know what to do in this situation. That's why I came to this forum. I don't know what a trustee can & can not do..or even what they are, except to see his last wishes are fullfilled.

Since this is a complexed situation, with the trustees not liking ( putting it mildly) the hiers..how difficult can they make this on us, & should we get an attn? Is his leaving out 2 children legal? Not naming anyone but my husband & I..is that legal? I thought he had to list all members, & leave at least $1 for it not to be contested?

While we are searching for a place..which is very hard, as it is too much for my father to see us packing. I pack a box 1 day, to un-pack it the next. He doesn't want anything to change, yet he admits, maybe we should move out for our own well being. I'm between a hard place & a rock here. The real reason we are moving, is because the siblings are pressuring my father. Using everything theyhaave to make him feel quilty for possibly holding us back, to maybe he needs his own space again, then the rest would visit him.

We know the real reason. My sister has a key to the van, & the trailer..there are many things my sisters want before I can get them. if I move out, & something should happen to my dad, it is very easy for them all to do whatever they want, before I am notified. They did it w/my wonderful mother when she passed on, so nothing would amaze me if this was exactly the case w/my father.

Thank you so much.
 

Dandy Don

Senior Member
Father made a big mistake in giving out copies of the will BEFORE he died. Another fatal mistake was in not getting a probate attorney's advice in drafting the will.

There is a way that the will can be written to leave the other siblings nominal amounts ($100, $500, or $1,000 or whatever) and mention them specifically to get something so that their feelings will not be completely hurt, and he can still leave the rest to you without specifically disinheriting them. IF he doesn't give them anything, then siblings have the right to contest the will and that only means more legal fees for you when you shouldn't have to be spending your money on that.

Truly, the smartest thing he could do would be to put the money in a trust (if he only wants you to get everything) and then that would be private and not public record like a will would be. Only people entitled to see the trust after he dies would be you and the trustee, and therefore everything would be kept confidential.

DANDY DON IN OKLAHOMA ([email protected])
 

WhereIsJustice

Junior Member
I think my father is trying to outwit siblings, I'm tired....

Thank you for your response.

My father, before his mind has started to go into a form of dementia, was a very smart and intelligent man. He always did things secretly, specially his affairs.

He told all of us about 1 yr. ago, we all would recieve about $25,000 after everything was finished, upon his death.

(Thier are 6 of his blood children, me being the youngest, then 1 adopted daughter my parents adopted much later in thier life, who has many mental disorders, but is able to function in the world. My father has chosen to disown her, not realizing according to law, she still is recognized as his daughter.)

As he talked to everyone about leaving me the trailer, and van, plus the few contents left after the rest of the family took most of the things, after my mother passed on. He insists now, there is no money. No insurance. Nothing but an old trailer, van, & a few contents w/in.

Before I was cast out, I heard many whispering, about the money he said they would be getting, if he passed on, & before he decide to leave it w/me.

Yet, in the will it states any money, and benifits, insurances?

Because my husband & I live w/him, & have gone to the credit union many times w/him. We have seen him always placing huge amounts of money somewhere, as he also speaks softly about his affairs w/ someone he knows there, who he trusts.

We feel he has some kind of trust, but doesn't want any of the others to know, or us to protect us. He knows now, they just want his money. I made it clear, I don't want anything, I just want my father to be proud of me, & to love me. That is all I ever wanted.

Could it be there is a trust left to someone else to give out after his death, or would his trustees have to be aware of any such thing? It would be like my father to have a trust, and not tell anyone. He already admits he has a deep secret he will take to his grave, but as he looked deep into my eyes, he said "Maybe, I might tell before I go."

None of my siblings have ever gone through a horrible loss, none have lost a child, or do I think they feel much for when my mom passed on. If they did, they wouldn't be cutting her down, trying to make my fathers love for her turn into anger, as they tell him vivid storys of things they said she did against them, which is untrue. Even telling him she never loved him, which I know is far from the truth. My mother talked openly to me, I was w/her all of my life until I got married and she adored and lived for my father for over 60 yrs.

I've suffered a great loss, a few times now. I'm still not over any of them. No amount of money, or materialistic thing can ever fill that spot that a loved 1 leaves in your heart. I don't care about any trusts, or any possessions, I am grateful for any time I have left to share w/this wonderful man, I call "my father."

I do worry about any legalities though, I did read where if it is contested, it comes out of my husband & my pocket..& we are not rich people. We are 51, & after 31 yrs. of marriage, have finally (after our mission seeing to my father) will be alone for the 1st time since we have gotten married. We have either been raising others children, our own, or our gr.babys. Helping our sons to finally learn how to fly on thier own. last thing we want, is trouble, or any more pain inflicted on us. We lost our youth, a child, our familys, now feel we are facing shotguns..we just want to be alone, to grow old & find happiness somewhere.

Sorry so long, and thank you so very much.

P.S. If my father did leave a trust of some type of money, wouldn't the trustees be aware of it? Or is there another legal way via someone else, who we are not aware of yet? Also, if so, (which would be just like my dad to have 1 ,) could this be contested?...I'm so tired of all this, but my father will not take the will back. I offered it today just to end it all. He won't take it, insists it is to go to us.We deserve it? (as he gave me a huge hug.)
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
In all honesty? I think your father is manipulating this situation. What on earth did he expect would happen when he told your siblings that they were, in effect, disowned? That they would fall all over you?
 

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