My children's guardian in event of my death

[VTmom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Vermont

Some background: I am a widowed mom of three children. I was widowed in 2001; and my children are now 17, 13 and 9. My family as well as my late husband’s family live out of state. My children have had no contact with their paternal grandmother since their father died. They have minimal contact with their paternal grandfather; a few hours once or twice a year.

I am about to remarry and with this am preparing to re-write my current will. My children have expressed their desire to remain here in our home, with their soon-to-be step father if something should happen to me. I would like to indicate this in my will; that I would wish custody of my children to fall to my husband in the event of my death.

I know that my family would not ‘fight’ this; however my concern is that my former father-in-law or some other of my late husband’s relatives would try to fight this, regardless of my wishes or the wishes of my children. I realize that my husband will be a legal stranger to my children.

My question is: Is there an appropriate wording/clause/something that I could put in my will to ensure that MY wishes regarding my children are carried out?

 

[seniorjudge]

Q: Is there an appropriate wording/clause/something that I could put in my will to ensure that MY wishes regarding my children are carried out?

A: No, slavery has been abolished in this country and willing human beings is no longer allowed. Put your wishes in the will; make them clear. But there are no guarantees that the court will follow your directions in this area.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You might want to make sure that there is a large enough life insurance policy that your husband could cash in to help pay for the battle that might ensue.

 

[VTmom]

Wow. That was harsh. "slavery" ?? I am trying to ensure stability for my children should they lose their only surviving parent.

As their mom, I get to choose what I feel is best for my children. I was simply asking if there was an appropriate/best way to continue this following my death.

 

[seniorjudge]

Wow. That was harsh. "slavery" ?? I am trying to ensure stability for my children should they lose their only surviving parent.

As their mom, I get to choose what I feel is best for my children. I was simply asking if there was an appropriate/best way to continue this following my death.

And I gave you a legally accurate answer.

Nothing harsh at all in my answer...just the truth.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The thing is that you cannot WILL your children to someone. You can make your wishes known.

Have you asked the paternal grandparents what they would do?

 

[seniorjudge]

The thing is that you cannot WILL your children to someone. You can make your wishes known.

Have you asked the paternal grandparents what they would do?

Wow! That was harsh!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Wow! That was harsh!

I know. I'm just a big ol' meanie.

I did suggest that she provide her husband with a life insurance policy to help pay for the legal fees.

 

[VTmom]

Ginnyj - No I haven't asked late hubby's parents. I haven't spoken to his mom in years - she dropped out of our lives after he died. His father and I have a very strained relationship.

I have contemplated the idea of having my fiance adopt the children (altho NOT change their last name) so that they would be protected in the event of my death. That may be my only absolute route.

 

[seniorjudge]

...
I have contemplated the idea of having my fiance adopt the children (altho NOT change their last name) so that they would be protected in the event of my death. That may be my only absolute route.
...

That may be your best choice.

 

[Zigner]

Why do you think the childrens grandparents would be ok with the adoption scenario?

 

[VTmom]

I don't think his parents will like the adoption scenario, but it is my understanding that as the children's mom, I can make this choice for my children. (I am preparing to be blasted as to why my 'understanding' is NOT legally correct )

I have never blocked the grandparent's access to my children, I would never do that to my kids; it is the grandparent's choice whether they see the children. His mom choses not to, and his dad calls a couple times a year.

 

[anteater]

Actually, Vermont law allows for a guardian to be appointed by will:

§ 2656. Guardian appointed by will

By a last will, either parent may appoint guardians for minor children, or for children, regardless of age, who are judicially determined to be in need of guardianship under the provisions of this chapter, whether living at the time of making the will or born afterwards, and such guardians shall be governed by the laws applicable to guardians appointed by the probate court. If, by his will appointing a guardian, the testator orders or requests that a bond shall not be required, it may be dispensed with, unless the probate court judges that from a change in the circumstances of the guardian or from other cause the estate of the ward will be insecure.

And minors over 14 can choose their guardian, subject to the court's approval.

§ 2650. Minor's choice of guardian

Minors residing in the state and having reached the age of fourteen years may choose their guardians, subject to the approval of the probate court, and may appear before the court or before a district judge and make their choice. The certificate of such magistrate shall be sufficient evidence to the court of the minor's choice.

 

[seniorjudge]

...And minors over 14 can choose their guardian, subject to the court's approval...

Exactly! I agree one hundred percent. But it does not change my first answer.


Q: Is there an appropriate wording/clause/something that I could put in my will to ensure that MY wishes regarding my children are carried out?

A: No, slavery has been abolished in this country and willing human beings is no longer allowed. Put your wishes in the will; make them clear. But there are no guarantees that the court will follow your directions in this area.

 

[VTmom]

anteater - Thank you so much for finding this for me. I do have a question..

I am unclear what this part means? "If, by his will appointing a guardian, the testator orders or requests that a bond shall not be required, it may be dispensed with, unless the probate court judges that from a change in the circumstances of the guardian or from other cause the estate of the ward will be insecure. "