My Father's New Wife Wanting To Be Added to his Living Trust

[starnightsky]

My mother died 11/2 years ago at the age of 83. She and my father had a living trust. My mother said that I would inherit everything after they both died. My father never told my mother what their assets were during their marriage despite her repeated pleadings. He would always lose his temper and storm out of the room. She used to sign a blank tax return. This went on for YEARS. She was afraid of him because of his temper. I asked my mother to please specify what she wanted me to have. She would always say the same thing, "You are getting everything. There isn't anyone else to leave our estate to". Her father left her some money when he died that she wanted me to have but my father took it out of their savings account without her permission and invested it. My mother was furious about this and even he won't say anything about it. All he does now is get mad. He doesn't even remember it. Senility runs in his family and he told me that he is starting to lose his memory.

My mother always said that if my dad died first she would NEVER remarry. When I asked if her if she thought my dad remarry; she said that if he did she didn't want the new wife to have any of her material possessions or any of my inheritance which she considered half of their assets. Well my dad meets this woman and they got married 2 months ago after only knowing each other a short time. I wasn't even invited to the wedding. He told me that they had signed a prenuptial agreement. I found out two weeks ago that he gave my mother's wedding ring that she wore for 57+ years to his new wife!!!!!! I got really mad and he gave me the ring a couple of days later. Now he's going to put his new wife to his living trust and take me out. Does anyone have any advice??? My mother would have a fit if she knew what he was doing and the way that he is treating me. Plus the new wife has 5 grown children and I've only met her once but she and my dad go to see her kids. She's trying to get me out of the picture completely and take over. I feel like she is influencing him and he hasn't been the same since he met her. I forgot to say that I'm an only child. My dad won't tell me where his living trust is or anything. All he does is get mad and says that he isn't going to die. HELP! HELP! HELP! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't know whether I can force him to show me his living trust or what. I want to prevent a potential legal fight and I'd like to do it before he dies.

 

[ALawyer]

I am sorry but unfortunately this is something that happens all too often.

Too often the new spouse -- and there are some schemers out there -- tries hard to get at least half of everything, and when the child tries to stop the parent, the child's actions so alienate the parent that the parent winds up leaving nothing to the child.

I suggest that you speak to a family therapist to figure out how to deal with the newly "happy couple" and with a local lawyer to see if there are any legal steps open (usually -- if he is mentally competent -- there may be none.)

One set of suggestions. The lawyer who helped him with the pre-nup may have some insight as to why he felt he needed one, assuming the attorney would discuss matters with you. If there are any other relatives your father trusts thay may also be of assistance. In most cases expressing concern for one's father -- that HE might be taken advantage of -- rather than greed for one's expectancy is a better approach.

 

[starnightsky]

My Dad and his new wife

Thank you so much for your reply. My father hates lawyers!!!!!!!!! He said that he did it all on his own but this doesn't make sense because 3 years old when they did their living trust he and my mother went somewhere to sign it. Is it possible to do a living trust on your own? Could he have done that? He is getting senile and making bad decisions. How do I go about finding a lawyer to consult with? Is it possible to contest this after he dies saying the new wife influenced him to force me out? Hopefully, she will die first. I know that is mean to say but I hope that is what happens.

 

[ALawyer]

People can do their own Living Trusts -- this actually creates a lot of work for lawyers as most of the time they screw them up -- and go someplace to have them notarized.

As to where to find a lawyer, I am partial to www.AttorneyPages.com but any elder or estate planning lawyer can assist you.

About her dying first -- just don't hire a hit man. And contesting any will is VERY difficult and can be very expoensive. BUT if he is doing this without lawyers, that's likely going to make it a bit less difficult....

 

[starnightsky]

The Living Trust

I have to thank you again so much for taking the time to respond to my questions. I don't know why I didn't think that he and my mother went to a notary. Of course, he drew up his living trust and then they went to have it notarized. That's what my mother meant when she said that they went to sign it. That makes complete sense. I had never thought of this because I would just go to a lawyer and have it done that way to make sure it was done the right way.

One more thing - I would NEVER hire a hit man and that is not what I meant at all!!! Only a lawyer would take what I wrote that way What I mean is that it would be karmic justice if she died first of natural causes after all her scheming to get my dad's money.

 

[advisor10]

1-17-2002

DEAR STARNIGHTSKY:

Your father is from the older generation when it was customary for families to be somewhat secretive about financial matters. You should respect that point of view by not being so persistent now about pestering him for information, even though your concern for his well-being and the estate is very understandable.

(1) Did your mother have a will? Go to the probate court at the county courthouse and look at her probate file. There will be some financial information in there, and there might be clues about what bank the trust might be held at or any attorneys or accountants who might have been familiar with the estate assets.

It is absolutely shocking that your father did not consult with professional people about drawing up the trust--DOES HE EVEN HAVE A WILL OR IS HE PUTTING ALL HIS ASSETS IN THE TRUST (in order to avoid probate--the benefit being that ownership of specific assets immediately transfers to any named beneficiaries and doesn't have to go through probate)? Any document that he drew up himself MIGHT be okay but there is a strong chance that it might be deficient in someway.

(2) You may want to consider getting your dad to sign a medical power of attorney/living will that would give you the power to make decisions about his health care in the event he becomes incapacitated. Find out who his doctors are and do some research of your own on how to recognize the signs of senility and what you should do when it happens.

(3) When discussing the subject with your dad (try to do it only when he is in a good mood), you should mention that you are not trying to be greedy, but say "I am just trying to make sure that your wishes will be carried out after you are gone. I don't think you are going to die anytime soon--in fact, I hope you have many years ahead of you, but unexpected things happen all the time (such as the September 11th tragedy and others), and when the time comes, it will be less stressful on the family if we have some idea of what to expect. Every family is entitled to the simple basic information, such as where is the will located, and who will be executor, have you paid for or planned your funeral arrangements in advance, what happens to the house, what bank is the trust located at, etc. If you really love me, you will give me the information I need to make sure I am protected and so I can know how to plan my future."

(4) You should trust that your father loves you enough to have named you as a beneficiary in the trust. But you must also face up to the fact that people can leave their money/assets to whomever they want and if he doesn't name you as a beneficiary, you will have to deal with that.


As much as possible, try to be on good terms with this new wife.

If you have any way to get access to the place where they live to try to find out where he keeps his important papers, would you want to take the chance to look around and see what you could find out?

Or visit a local private investigator and pay $200-$300 to have a financial background investigation done on your dad that might show where his bank accounts and other assets are held, which would at least be a start.

If you can't get any information from your dad, if he has a good friend maybe you can convince that person to bring the subject up with him.

Anyway, you have every right to be concerned about your potential share of this estate, because if the new wife takes advantage of his state of mind to eliminate you from the trust or doesn't let you know anything about the will, then you will face an expensive legal challenge in court. The more information you find out now, before he dies, the better off you will be!

SINCERELY,

advisor