Question about my father's will

[mrsschlesner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kentucky is the applicable state for this question.

Approximately 10 years ago we had a family meeting and I remember my father telling us that he had his will set up such that if he died first, everything would go to his wife (my stepmother) and that it would come to us (his 3 children) when his wife died or if they died at the same time.

At that time I didn't question this setup, I guess because I couldn't imagine either one of them being gone, let alone both of them and I knew absolutely nothing about wills, inheritances, etc. As I remember, neither one of my siblings questioned it either.

My father died suddenly on June 2, 2008, and now I find myself with questions about how this all is/was set up and why it is the way it is. I don't feel I can ask my stepmother or siblings these questions without creating bad feelings and possibly making things worse for everyone involved.

Following are my concerns:

1. My dad died of unknown causes and I don't understand why no autopsy was done. He was cremated and that was that. So now all we have are possibilites and assumptions to go on.

2. The will was never read. Shouldn't it at least have been read to the family?

3. I've realized now that given this situation, our inheritances are now in the hands of a person who is no longer related to us in any way, who is only 14 years older than myself, and who may move away, lose touch, remarry, spend all the money, change the whole setup, or basically whatever she wants to do and my siblings and I may never see any of our birthrights ever in our lifetimes.

Does any of this sound strange or "not right" to you? Is there any way to get the answers I am looking for without causing family upset (unless of course there is in fact something wrong going on)? I haven't spoken to anyone else in my family about my feelings and questions about this, but I can't seem to get past the concerns I have. What advice, knowledge, wisdom, or at least insight can you give me?

I live in Wisconsin (54558) but the rest of my family lives in Kentucky (40601). That is where my father died. He had lived there since 1978.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[anteater]

1. My dad died of unknown causes and I don't understand why no autopsy was done. He was cremated and that was that. So now all we have are possibilites and assumptions to go on.

Two years after your father's death is a little late to begin worrying about this.

2. The will was never read. Shouldn't it at least have been read to the family?

Reading of a will is a nice dramatic touch in film and fiction. Rarely is it done in the real world.

I don't know Kentucky's requirements, but generally children would have at least received notice that probate had been opened. You can call the court in the county in which your father resided to inquire whether the will was submitted for probate and, if it was, whether you can order a copy.

Keep in mind that it is not always necessary to probate a will, particularly where there is a surviving spouse. Spouses often own assets jointly or designate each other as beneficiaries on assets. Assets owned in that manner would not transfer via a will and would not have to go through probate.

3. I've realized now that given this situation, our inheritances are now in the hands of a person who is no longer related to us in any way, who is only 14 years older than myself, and who may move away, lose touch, remarry, spend all the money, change the whole setup, or basically whatever she wants to do and my siblings and I may never see any of our birthrights ever in our lifetimes.

That is the case. When the assets pass to the surviving spouse, she generally has use of those assets and can dispose of them as she wishes while she is living and when she passes away.

 

[commentator]

My husband and I have the same set up on wills. He gets everything if I go, I get everything if he goes. From there, distribution to our several stepkids between us is up to the surviving spouse. And our very efficient estate attorney was very clear that the "after I'm gone, I'd like you to leave this property to Billy..I'd like this one to have....My grandmother's music box should go to.." from the first decedent is purely suggestion.

He clearly stated to each of us, "Now you understand that if you die first, this other person could, if they so choose, take everything and run off to Tahiti with a young charmer?" Since that time, running off to Tahiti has become something we tease each other about.

It sounds like your stepmother has chosen the Tahiti option. Or maybe not. You said she could do these things, not that she has. Either way,there's not much you can do about it. She may come around years from now and leave you stuff in HER will, but since you say she's not significantly older than you are, you may be too old to worry about it or enjoy it if she does.

If you considered something your birthright, you should have taken it up with your father at the time he told you about his will back when you had the family meeting. It sounds as though your father and stepmother had been together for quite a while, it doesn't sound as though this was a quickie marriage with someone off the internet who was out to soak him. So I'd sort of sit on any "my birthright" feelings else create some really bad conflict.

 

[latigo]

Question about my father's will

What “will”? Have you ever seen such a will? Have you searched any Kentucky probate court records for such a will?

All you seem to know is that 8 years before your father’s death you “remember” attending a family sit down in which he expressed his intentions AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME with regard to the testamentary disposition of his estate.

And from your memory alone you are complaining about losing “birthrights” and “our inheritances”?

(Do you know of any material ”birthrights” other than a minor child’s entitlement to sustenance and support from his or her parents? Because I sure don’t.)

Why weren’t these inheritances and so-called birthright issues taken up following his demise and not two years hence?

Not to mention your vague suspicions as to the cause of death, which, to me, you have tossed in here to garner sympathy by reflecting imaginary evil designs on the part of his widow.