Question about necessary information

[gpry]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

Hello everyone,

First off, thanks for taking a moment to read this post and any information you can give me. I was going crazy trying to read about this stuff on my own. My mother is in the terminal stages of breast cancer and has asked for me to be part of the Will. However, she asked for my birth certificate and social security number, saying this was needed for her to leave things to me. I've never heard of this, and I went Googling on my own and saw no mention of this. As a little back story, my mother and I had a falling out over a decade ago. It had nothing to do with money anything like that, and she's not that kind of woman to take advantage of someone's private information, however I have nothing if not trust issues. To come back into my life so suddenly and ask for that information, even for a last testament, has me concerned.

Is this information necessary to put someone in your will, or to pass on anything to them? I had wanted to ask her specifically why she needed it, but she's in a fragile state and knew it would hurt her feelings if I just flat-out said I didn't fully trust her. We're trying to bury the hatchet before she passes, but I need some peace of mind before handing her that kind of information. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[tranquility]

It's not "necessary", but it does help identify you. Also, if it is not a will, but a trust, it may be even more helpful.

I doubt a dying woman is plotting revenge against her child.

 

[latigo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

Hello everyone,

First off, thanks for taking a moment to read this post and any information you can give me. I was going crazy trying to read about this stuff on my own. My mother is in the terminal stages of breast cancer and has asked for me to be part of the Will. However, she asked for my birth certificate and social security number, saying this was needed for her to leave things to me. I've never heard of this, and I went Googling on my own and saw no mention of this. As a little back story, my mother and I had a falling out over a decade ago. It had nothing to do with money anything like that, and she's not that kind of woman to take advantage of someone's private information, however I have nothing if not trust issues. To come back into my life so suddenly and ask for that information, even for a last testament, has me concerned.

Is this information necessary to put someone in your will, or to pass on anything to them? I had wanted to ask her specifically why she needed it, but she's in a fragile state and knew it would hurt her feelings if I just flat-out said I didn't fully trust her. We're trying to bury the hatchet before she passes, but I need some peace of mind before handing her that kind of information. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Such documents are not necessary in order to validate a testamentary devise.

But if you wish to continue squabbling with your terminally ill mother rather than comforting her during her last days, which seems to have been a family routine, that is your choice.

 

[gpry]

Yeah no, I doubt that's the case, too. The issue is more than that. I have other family members I don't trust (one being a paralegal, something I worry my mother may be getting false information from, and someone I would not want my information in the hands of) and my sister who is young and will need to be looked after. I don't think my mother would try to ruin me in her will, but I wouldn't put it past her to try and use the information to force a reconciliation with my family, perhaps by leaving some kind of responsibility or debt to me. If she wasn't so clearly consumed with guilt over the past I wouldn't have gotten into contact with her at all, I'm at the stage of my life where I just want a clean break to start over and continue living my own life without getting drawn into more family drama. I don't want her dying in sadness, but I don't necessarily want to share in her life, either.

I just want to make sure my information can't be used to rock the boat, so to speak, even if inadvertently.

 

[gpry]

Such documents are not necessary in order to validate a testamentary devise.

But if you wish to continue squabbling with your terminally ill mother rather than comforting her during her last days, which seems to have been a family routine, that is your choice.

That's incredibly pretentious, this is not a squabble and not something you know me or my family well enough to suggest. Anyone with half a brain would be concerned about what their personal information is being used for, it's unfortunate but also not uncommon for even family members to take advantage of each other. The desire to protect oneself from lasting damage and seeking the information to do so is never wrong. I'd think anyone who either practices or studies law would understand at least that much. Perhaps I assumed too highly of you?

 

[tranquility]

There is no certainty in life but death and taxes. Mom is close to one. Your call.

 

[gpry]

There is no certainty in life but death and taxes. Mom is close to one. Your call.

I appreciate that, thank you.

 

[TrustUser]

i need to play devil's advocate on this one, as i am quite a stickler for ss #.

1) it is not necessary to complete the deal.

2) the ss#, in the wrong hands, is the one piece of info that is by far the most dangerous to one's credit.

3) since the mom is dying, the issue is not about her doing something with it. it is about anyone else who follows, doing something. no doubt, the number will be placed in the will, and or trust. a will is a public document. and even though a trust is a private document, the person drawing it up, and the rest of the beneficiaries will almost surely have access to it.

4) whatever the wrong is with the parent/child relationship, if it truly takes the giving of a ss # to reconcile, something drastic is wrong with that scenario.

i would absolutely and positively separate those 2 issues. the ss # is a piece of private info, to be safeguarded, and presented only to those who need it for irs filing. reconciliation is about 2 people getting together IN PERSON, and attempting to have real honest dialogue.

the child need only explain to the parent that the ss # could cause large headaches for her, long after the parent has died.

 

[LdiJ]

i need to play devil's advocate on this one, as i am quite a stickler for ss #.

1) it is not necessary to complete the deal.

2) the ss#, in the wrong hands, is the one piece of info that is by far the most dangerous to one's credit.

3) since the mom is dying, the issue is not about her doing something with it. it is about anyone else who follows, doing something. no doubt, the number will be placed in the will, and or trust. a will is a public document. and even though a trust is a private document, the person drawing it up, and the rest of the beneficiaries will almost surely have access to it.

4) whatever the wrong is with the parent/child relationship, if it truly takes the giving of a ss # to reconcile, something drastic is wrong with that scenario.

i would absolutely and positively separate those 2 issues. the ss # is a piece of private info, to be safeguarded, and presented only to those who need it for irs filing. reconciliation is about 2 people getting together IN PERSON, and attempting to have real honest dialogue.

the child need only explain to the parent that the ss # could cause large headaches for her, long after the parent has died.

I agree with this response. I would very gently tell your mother that she really does not need your birth certificate or social security number to make you part of her will, but that also, you are ok if you are not part of her will. You just want the opportunity to spend some time with her.