remains of deceased

[dervical]

I have a question over the rights of remains. My mother passed away and was cremated. Her remains were placed into an urn, that my father wanted his remains placed into upon his death, so they could be together. I am my mother's only child, my father was married before and had 4 children with the previous wife, and just me with my mother, his recently deceased wife. My father has passed away, and his remains were placed into the urn, along with my mother's. Who decides what is done with the remains. My father's 5 kids, myself included, all have a different idea of what we should do. My father or mother never stated what they wanted done,to be buried or anything else. Who has final say? I believe that since my mother is 50% of the contents of the urn, and I am her only heir, I control 50% of the decision. My father's remains, divided 5 ways, gives each sibling 10% control over the urn, giving me 60%. Am I being presumptious here, or am I correct?

I am in the state of Pennsylvania.
Mike

 

[advisor10]

(01-11-2001)

It is somewhat shocking that your parents made arrangements to be cremated, but didn't mention how they wanted the ashes to be handled!

It seems that the best way to handle this would be for each side of the family in the dispute to name one member for that side of the family to decide what should be done and where. The original children should name a representative for their side and the stepchildren a representative for their side. Split the ashes between the two sides of the family and then have them buried.

It is somewhat gruesome and morbid to be talking about splitting the ashes up into portions as small as 10%, when common sense should tell you that reasonable people can come to some type of agreement without having to go that far.

You really should bury the ashes in the city/state where the person died, but perhaps you have some other good reason for doing it elsewhere. You should check with a local city official for the regulations on how burials should be handled in that city, or you could go to the local library to see what the state law has to say about it. Don't wait for an attorney in Pennsylvania to see this and respond to it, because that might not happen. If you can't or don't want to pay a small fee for legal advice there in Pennsylvania, then you will have to use your own judgment in deciding what to do.

SINCERELY,

[email protected]