SN trust for son- can we oust MIL as trustee?

[lukesmom]

What is the name of your state? California

Hi everyone. I have a random question on special needs trusts. Sorry, it's complicated

My husband and I have a son, 6, who has autism and is severely affected. My husband's grandmother, before she passed away last year, set up a special needs trust for Luke with a substantial amount. For whatever reason, she had my MIL- who was also the trustee of her estate, taking care of her, etc.- set up as the trustee, with DH and I as secondaries if something happened to her. The plan was eventually to transfer trusteeship to DH and I, but I think because grandmother was so frail it seemed easier to let her daughter handle everything and we would work out the rest later.

Unfortunately, MIL is a class A control freak. She has stated her intention not to relinquish trusteeship to us, although her reasons are vague and she starts wandering off into tangents when pressed. Essentially, she want us to have to come to her and beg every time we have an expense (extra therapy, weighted vest, medical expenses not covered by insurance, etc.) and then SHE can decide if she thinks it's really necessary or not. I should clarify that DH and I are NOT irresponsible methheads or anything. We are in our 30's, college educated, DH is employed at a steady job (accounting) and I stay home with Luke. We are not drug addicts, drinkers, or have any sort of gambling addiction. We are both so cheap...errr, frugal, it isn't funny Things are tight, but we both feel that living on one income is worth the sacrifice to have someone there for Luke at home. In short, she's not maintaining control to keep the money safe from us squandering or abusing it. But we end up paying for things ourselves that are legitimate expenses and what the trust was set up for in the first place, rather than deal with her criticism and control.

Sorry that was long and I haven't even gotten to my question. Is there anything we can do as Luke's parent's to have MIL taken off as trustee? I'm not worried about her doing anything shady with the account, I know she will keep it safely locked up for the future. But I am beyond frustrated! I feel like we are being treated like children and that she's using the money as a carrot to keep us in line and sucking up to her. I am deeply offended that she apparently feels we can't be trusted to make responsible decisions for our son.

Thanks and cookies to anyone who made it through that. Any advice, legal or otherwise? Besides screaming into a pillow?

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

I agree with your MIL. The trust was not formed so you could be a stay at home mom or so Luke could have parents that cannot afford to support their child. The trust was formed to meet Lukes needs throughout his entire life. It appears the Trustee is doing exactly as she should. Therefore, there is no legal reason for her to be removed.

 

[latigo]

What is the name of your state? California . . .

I can appreciate your anger and frustrations with the mother-in-law. As it sounds as though she is being excessively dogmatic and unreasonably arbitrary in controlling distribution of the trust corpus.

However, unless it can be show that she is acting so officious and dictatorial as to deny your son his entitlements under the trust, or she is somehow mismanaging the trust corpus, the court would have no legal cause to remove her.

And even if so, it is not likely that the court would replace her with either of the beneficiary’s parents.

Also we are not given to know the amount the grandmother transferred into the trust or the balance of funds available. Nor without reading the document are we to know how the corpus is to be invested, managed, what specific needs of the child are to funded, whether the trustee is under a duty to account and to whom, etc., or the powers and decision making authority given to the trustee.

I suggest that you take a copy of the trust instrument to an attorney experienced in trust and estate law and discuss our concerns.

It is not uncommon that trust money placed in the control of an individual are mismanaged and misspent. With that in mind it might be appropriate for your attorney to make written demand that the mother-in-law produce a formal accounting of her activities, investments, disbursements, etc.

And should she refuses to do so, could give cause to have her management of the funds reviewed by a court.

My blessing to you parents and your son.

 

[Zigner]

It is not uncommon that trust money placed in the control of an individual are mismanaged and misspent. With that in mind it might be appropriate for your attorney to make written demand that the mother-in-law produce a formal accounting of her activities, investments, disbursements, etc.

There has been no indication that this has taken place. The OP, in fact, stated that there are no concerns about this. The OP is simply upset at the way the trust is being administered. From my point of view, the MIL is likely doing as instructed by the trust to the best of her abilities.

 

[xylene]

But we end up paying for things ourselves that are legitimate expenses and what the trust was set up for in the first place, rather than deal with her criticism and control.

Your problem is your desire to avoid confrontation and nothing else.

The trustee is not derelict in anyway, as you say.

Let me put it this way - do you send back food in a restaurant? You need to start being that person, at least when it comes to your son's special needs trust.

I'm sorry, but the the reality is that you are just not being assertive enough if you are forgoing even asking to avoid conflict. The downsides to a conflict avoidance strategy in situations where money is involved are myriad, but not a legal problem.

 

[TrustUser]

what does the trust say with regards to removing the trustee ?