Who is right?

[Frannie]

What is the name of your state? Washington.

I don't think this is a legal question, more of a moral question, but I'm hoping to get some feedback.

My husband and I are in our late 50's. We have been married for nine years. He has two daughters. I have one. We are arguing about distribution of assets after our deaths. He thinks each daughter should get 1/3. I feel like we each own 50% of our assets and therefore I decide where my half goes and he decides where his half goes. I don't think it's equitable for my daughter to get 1/3 of what should be 1/2. While his share is 2/3 instead of 50%. Has anyone ever encountered this problem. How was it resolved? What is fair? I'd appreciate your input very much.What is the name of your state?

 

[ShyCat]

Different people have different ideas of what's fair. One could argue for either side here. Some things to consider...

Did you bring 50% or more of the marital assets into this second marriage?

Do you earn 50% or more of the household income?

Yes to both of those might weight the "fairness" scale to your side of the argument. But hurt feelings are not always based on rational assessments.

For myself, it was an easy decision because my husband and I each had one daughter when we married, and I was less concerned about the uneven asset/income ratio. Our wills split everything 50/50 between the two girls, even though I brought into the marriage over 95% of the household assets and earn 75% of the household income. My stepdaughter was 17 when she got "stuck" with me, so a coldblooded mathematical solution would have been entirely justifiable... but there's no way I was going to treat her differently just because she came into my life under different circumstances than my birth daughter. We've grown close over the last several years, and it started with that family meeting at the kitchen table explaining our wills. We are a family, period.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state? Washington.

I don't think this is a legal question, more of a moral question, but I'm hoping to get some feedback.

My husband and I are in our late 50's. We have been married for nine years. He has two daughters. I have one. We are arguing about distribution of assets after our deaths. He thinks each daughter should get 1/3. I feel like we each own 50% of our assets and therefore I decide where my half goes and he decides where his half goes. I don't think it's equitable for my daughter to get 1/3 of what should be 1/2. While his share is 2/3 instead of 50%. Has anyone ever encountered this problem. How was it resolved? What is fair? I'd appreciate your input very much.What is the name of your state?

You are BOTH wrong. Why? Because we have no idea who owns what and what is to be considered separate or marital property.

For example. If he owned the home before your marriage and the only thing that has happened to the home since the marriage is nominal upkeep and mortgage payments, then it remains his separate property and he can do with it as he wishes.

Or, if you retired before the marriage and ceased all 401K investments. Your 401k would be considered separate property (yes, even if you took distributions from the fund during the marriage), although any monies you received and placed in joint accounts would be considered marital property.

get it now?

 

[Frannie]

Good Points**************.however**************.

This is a 401K we are just starting now. My husband and I don't have a lot of money and pretty much brought an even amount to the marriage. Our daughters are all in their 30's and none have lived with us since we have been married. We live in a community property state so everything is equal legally. He does earn more than I do, but I contribute to the home in many other ways.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

This is a 401K we are just starting now. My husband and I don't have a lot of money and pretty much brought an even amount to the marriage. Our daughters are all in their 30's and none have lived with us since we have been married. We live in a community property state so everything is equal legally. He does earn more than I do, but I contribute to the home in many other ways.

Being in a community property state has nothing to do with assets that are separate property from the beginning. who owned the home before the marriage and what changes other than upkeep and routine maintenance has been made to the home?

 

[Frannie]

No, in Washington, unless you have a pre-nuptial agreement, none of that applies. Believe me**************this is my third marriage. And, this is regarding a retirement we are starting now, together. This would be 50/50 property.

Thanks!