Can emailing random colleagues with private details of my kid land me in trouble?

[stealth2]

@badmouthed some reading for you?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/202402/estranged-parent-6-tips-for-reconciling-with-an-adult-child?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR1r6SCIXNdIu33LcDFg5_6yheJI23R8mDh0g0ANISp9dT_00bse85NMWTs_aem_AfoMsuFHWSMO5DdAekyTtvccD_24-SJwboXREeqW4Dw8sJIlcUAWgfc8vvV7Sw_DcigIZDHSBOkup1880jS5AifZ

 

[badmouthed]

@badmouthed some reading for you?
I do appreciate the article, I read it completely but it doesnt quite apply to this situation since it makes references to estrangements that the child took years (or "decades") to decide to do, whereas in my situation my daughter decided practically overnight to cut all contact with me, while I allowed her to live exclusively with the mother who I did not realize was actively badmouthing and alienating me (which actually I believe the mother's new husband was behind this conspiracy, he who I campaigned against since my daughter initially told us she hated him).

If my daughter had just one caring person reach out to help her understand I was always on her side and she was lied to by her mother (proof which I have & prepared to demonstrate in an online zoom call), that would make a world of difference. And the Dean of students seems to be the only contact point. Nothing stopping the Dean except the "not my job" and "I dont have time for this" syndromes, but if I were a relative of the Dean, I'm sure the Dean would be way more willing. I need to motivate the Dean since I understand there is no legal university policy preventing the Dean from becoming more involved

 

[stealth2]

Sadly, I think that you missed much of the point of the article. No matter how quickly you feel your daughter turned OR who you think is behind it, the fact is that the two of you are estranged. Did your ex/her new husband have anything to do with it? I don't know. What I DO know, based on your own words and proposed actions is that you are both perpetuating it AND keeping your daughter in the middle. That is NOT the way to bring about a reconciliation. Trust me.

Why should you trust me, a perfect stranger on the Internet? Because my daughters are both estranged from their father. And before your mind goes *there*, no it had nothing to do with me. In reality, I bent over backward to facilitate their respective relationships (and there are folks here who can attest to it, based on many conversations over the years). I'm certain that he, too, believed that it happened overnight and due to me. And that couldn't be further from the truth. My girls have a decade on your daughter, but they dealt with similar actions from their father - actions I've only recently found out about. And it definitely affected any desire they have wrt reconciliation. He has missed out on two weddings, one divorce, and three grandchildren.

Don't be that guy.

 

[cbg]

Sadly, I think that you missed much of the point of the article. No matter how quickly you feel your daughter turned OR who you think is behind it, the fact is that the two of you are estranged. Did your ex/her new husband have anything to do with it? I don't know. What I DO know, based on your own words and proposed actions is that you are both perpetuating it AND keeping your daughter in the middle. That is NOT the way to bring about a reconciliation. Trust me.

Why should you trust me, a perfect stranger on the Internet? Because my daughters are both estranged from their father. And before your mind goes *there*, no it had nothing to do with me. In reality, I bent over backward to facilitate their respective relationships (and there are folks here who can attest to it, based on many conversations over the years). I'm certain that he, too, believed that it happened overnight and due to me. And that couldn't be further from the truth. My girls have a decade on your daughter, but they dealt with similar actions from their father - actions I've only recently found out about. And it definitely affected any desire they have wrt reconciliation. He has missed out on two weddings, one divorce, and three grandchildren.

Don't be that guy.

Re: the bolded - yes, this is certainly true.

And I speak as one with personal experience as a daughter once estranged from her father. And in my case yes, it was due to a misplaced loyalty to my mother. And yes, I did eventually realize my mistake and reconciled with him. I will never stop regretting those lost years and I will always be grateful that he was willing to let me work my own way through my issues and not force me to do it his way.

You need to do likewise.

 

[LdiJ]

"I need to motivate the Dean since I understand there is no legal university policy preventing the Dean from becoming more involved"

I wish you understood how bad that makes you sound. If you actually manage to force/coerce the Dean into getting involved all you are going to do is embarris your daughter and convince her that you are exactly like what she believes at this point. It will have the opposite effect that you are hoping for.

 

[quincy]

It might help for badmouthed to learn what a Dean’s job at a university actually is.