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Thread: EM expenses

  1. #1
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    EM expenses

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

    I am thinking of placing my baby for adoption and picked an agency last month. they gave me money for rent in november which i used but didn't really ask for. i'm feeling really uncomfortable with this agency. they aren't getting me a lawyer and i didn't get counseling, and the parents they thought i would match good with are already calling me tummy mommy and asking to come to my doctor appointments. i told my worker that i didn't feel comfortable and this was going so fast (i'm only 4 months). she told me it was good i was adopting out because CPS wouldn't like my kids in a small apartment like i have. she also said if i quit them i would have to pay them back the $800 they gave me for rent. i don't have the money to pay them back and i feel even more uncomfortable like they are threatening me. can they make me pay them back if i don't want to use them anymore?


  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by momtobemaybe View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

    I am thinking of placing my baby for adoption and picked an agency last month. they gave me money for rent in november which i used but didn't really ask for. i'm feeling really uncomfortable with this agency. they aren't getting me a lawyer and i didn't get counseling, and the parents they thought i would match good with are already calling me tummy mommy and asking to come to my doctor appointments. i told my worker that i didn't feel comfortable and this was going so fast (i'm only 4 months). she told me it was good i was adopting out because CPS wouldn't like my kids in a small apartment like i have. she also said if i quit them i would have to pay them back the $800 they gave me for rent. i don't have the money to pay them back and i feel even more uncomfortable like they are threatening me. can they make me pay them back if i don't want to use them anymore?
    Did you sign any sort of contract?
    Have you notified the potential father (or fathers)? He/they will have to consent to the adoption also.


  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by momtobemaybe View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

    I am thinking of placing my baby for adoption and picked an agency last month. they gave me money for rent in november which i used but didn't really ask for. i'm feeling really uncomfortable with this agency. they aren't getting me a lawyer and i didn't get counseling, and the parents they thought i would match good with are already calling me tummy mommy and asking to come to my doctor appointments. i told my worker that i didn't feel comfortable and this was going so fast (i'm only 4 months). she told me it was good i was adopting out because CPS wouldn't like my kids in a small apartment like i have. she also said if i quit them i would have to pay them back the $800 they gave me for rent. i don't have the money to pay them back and i feel even more uncomfortable like they are threatening me. can they make me pay them back if i don't want to use them anymore?
    I am disgusted that they are threatening you with CPS and I am disgusted by the fact that they are threatening you with the money.

    If you signed a contract with them, take it to a local adoption attorney and ask them to review it. In all states a parent has the legal right to change their mind about an adoption.


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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    I am disgusted that they are threatening you with CPS
    I agree with this.

    ...and I am disgusted by the fact that they are threatening you with the money.
    I'm no so quick to agree with this. This is a contractual matter but may also be covered by state law.

    If you signed a contract with them, take it to a local adoption attorney and ask them to review it. In all states a parent has the legal right to change their mind about an adoption.
    I definitely agree.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Zigner View Post
    I agree with this.

    I'm no so quick to agree with this. This is a contractual matter but may also be covered by state law.

    I definitely agree.
    Since all states laws prohibit selling children for adoption, it would be difficult for a valid contract to require repayment of any expenses covered if the biological parent(s) change their mind during the period of time they are allowed to do so under state law.


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    i did sign something, but i don't have a copy. i really think i screwed up, but i just didn't know what to do and the person was so nice when we met.


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    Quote Originally Posted by momtobemaybe View Post
    i did sign something, but i don't have a copy. i really think i screwed up, but i just didn't know what to do and the person was so nice when we met.
    Where is the father?


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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    Since all states laws prohibit selling children for adoption, it would be difficult for a valid contract to require repayment of any expenses covered if the biological parent(s) change their mind during the period of time they are allowed to do so under state law.
    You seem to be saying that it's illegal in the entire U.S. for adopting parents to pay the living expenses of the mother, but some states allow for the adopting parents to pay for living expenses of the mother, so I'm not sure where you're going with that.

    ETA: New Jersey Law specifically allows for it.
    https://law.justia.com/codes/new-jersey/2013/title-9/section-9-3-39.1/
    e. It shall not be a violation of subsection d. of this section: (1) to pay, provide, or reimburse to a parent of the child, or for a parent of the child to receive payment, provision, or reimbursement for medical, hospital, counseling, or other similar expenses incurred in connection with the birth or any illness of the child, or the reasonable living expenses of the mother of the child during her pregnancy including payments for reasonable food, clothing, medical expenses, shelter, and religious, psychological, vocational, or similar counseling services during the period of the pregnancy and for a period not to exceed four weeks after the termination of the pregnancy by birth or otherwise. These payments may be made directly to the birth mother or on the mother's behalf to the supplier of the goods or services ...


    Last edited by Zigner; 11-27-2017 at 05:35 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zigner View Post
    You seem to be saying that it's illegal in the entire U.S. for adopting parents to pay the living expenses of the mother, but some states allow for the adopting parents to pay for living expenses of the mother, so I'm not sure where you're going with that.

    ETA: New Jersey Law specifically allows for it.
    https://law.justia.com/codes/new-jersey/2013/title-9/section-9-3-39.1/
    .[/I]
    Does this mean that the birth parent is not responsible for reimbursing any payments if she changes her mind?

    Allowable Payments for Relinquishing Child
    Citation: Ann. Stat. § 9:3-39.1(c), (d)
    Written notice shall be given to the birth parent and the adoptive parent that the decision not to place the child for adoption or the
    return of the child to the birth parent cannot be conditioned upon reimbursement of expenses by the birth parent to the adoptive
    parent and that payments by the adoptive parent are nonrefundable.


  10. #10
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    New Jersey specifically allows for it.
    Section: 9:3-39.1
    e. It shall not be a violation of subsection d. of this section: (1) to pay, provide, or reimburse to a parent of the child, or for a parent of the child to receive payment, provision, or reimbursement for medical, hospital, counseling, or other similar expenses incurred in connection with the birth or any illness of the child, or the reasonable living expenses of the mother of the child during her pregnancy including payments for reasonable food, clothing, medical expenses, shelter, and religious, psychological, vocational, or similar counseling services during the period of the pregnancy and for a period not to exceed four weeks after the termination of the pregnancy by birth or otherwise. These payments may be made directly to the birth mother or on the mother's behalf to the supplier of the goods or services, or

    (2) where the child is from a foreign country, reasonable and customary fees and expenses of a foreign agency or attorney for the care or representation of the child during any period of foster or institutional care in the child's country of origin, or

    (3) reasonable attorney fees and costs for legal services.
    What I can't find is anything that either allows them to get the money back or specifically makes it a gift as many states do.


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    Quote Originally Posted by henbob6 View Post
    Does this mean that the birth parent is not responsible for reimbursing any payments if she changes her mind?

    Allowable Payments for Relinquishing Child
    Citation: Ann. Stat. § 9:3-39.1(c), (d)
    Written notice shall be given to the birth parent and the adoptive parent that the decision not to place the child for adoption or the
    return of the child to the birth parent cannot be conditioned upon reimbursement of expenses by the birth parent to the adoptive
    parent and that payments by the adoptive parent are nonrefundable.
    The child hasn't been born yet...


  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by CTU View Post
    Where is the father?
    he knows and wants either an abortion or an adoption. he will happily sign away his rights. he is not a factor in my decision.


  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by momtobemaybe View Post
    he knows and wants either an abortion or an adoption. he will happily sign away his rights. he is not a factor in my decision.
    You really ought to speak to an adoption attorney. Based only on what you have said, I believe the agency you are working through isn't acting in anyone's interest but their own.


  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zigner View Post
    You seem to be saying that it's illegal in the entire U.S. for adopting parents to pay the living expenses of the mother, but some states allow for the adopting parents to pay for living expenses of the mother, so I'm not sure where you're going with that.

    ETA: New Jersey Law specifically allows for it.
    https://law.justia.com/codes/new-jersey/2013/title-9/section-9-3-39.1/
    e. It shall not be a violation of subsection d. of this section: (1) to pay, provide, or reimburse to a parent of the child, or for a parent of the child to receive payment, provision, or reimbursement for medical, hospital, counseling, or other similar expenses incurred in connection with the birth or any illness of the child, or the reasonable living expenses of the mother of the child during her pregnancy including payments for reasonable food, clothing, medical expenses, shelter, and religious, psychological, vocational, or similar counseling services during the period of the pregnancy and for a period not to exceed four weeks after the termination of the pregnancy by birth or otherwise. These payments may be made directly to the birth mother or on the mother's behalf to the supplier of the goods or services ...
    You are misunderstanding me. I know that prospective adoptive parents and/or agencies are permitted to cover certain expenses for the biological mother of the child, in order for her to have a safe and healthy pregnancy.

    It is requiring her to reimburse them for those expenses should she change her mind about adoption, that I question...the whole idea that if you do not give us the baby you have to pay us back. That smacks of an entirely different arrangement.


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