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I want to change my children's last name

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MegSnyd

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

My children's father passed away in 2007 when my children were 1 and 3. I have since remarried a wonderful man who is everything a father should be. They would like to take his last name so we went down to the court house in Canadian County, OK to file the paperwork. They told us that everything was in order except that they needed a notice...when i asked them if they meant the publication notice they told me no. And of course they could not tell me what kind of notice because that would be legal advice. Does anyone know what this notice is?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


ecmst12

Senior Member
Doing a name change without an adoption is unwise and can cause confusion. If you want your husband to become their father, he should properly adopt them. With no other father to contest, it should be a relatively simple process and legal fees should be reasonable.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
OP, what kind of relationship did your kids have with dad?


In all honesty anapr, this really doesn't matter in terms of legalities.

Dad sadly passed. I think I know where you're coming from - changing their last name might remove what some might see is the last link to their biological father - but it really isn't a legal issue.

At 1 and 3, there's a very good chance that (sadly) the kids don't have much - if any - memory of Dad unless Mom has been extremely vigilant in continuing exposure via videos, photos, etc.

And even then? The kids are just not going to remember his physical presence much if at all.

Sorry - but that's the truth.
 

OHRoadwarrior

Senior Member
I agree OP should just do a name change. This is a family issue, not a kid issue. If dad wants the kids to be his truly, he needs to adopt them.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
I agree OP should just do a name change. This is a family issue, not a kid issue. If dad wants the kids to be his truly, he needs to adopt them.
I agree that OP CAN do a name change. Whether she SHOULD is a different and non-legal matter.

I agree with ecmst - a name change without an adoption could create problems down the road. And adoption involves the same questions that are routinely asked. If the couple gets divorced down the road, is Mom OK with the fact that her husband could end up getting custody? And is Dad OK with the fact the the could be paying child support?

Also, will someone please tell me whether SS survivor's benefits are terminated or reduced if the children are adopted?
 

TheGeekess

Keeper of the Kraken
I agree that OP CAN do a name change. Whether she SHOULD is a different and non-legal matter.

I agree with ecmst - a name change without an adoption could create problems down the road. And adoption involves the same questions that are routinely asked. If the couple gets divorced down the road, is Mom OK with the fact that her husband could end up getting custody? And is Dad OK with the fact the the could be paying child support?

Also, will someone please tell me whether SS survivor's benefits are terminated or reduced if the children are adopted?
No, SSA survivor benefits continue even if a child is adopted.

Effect of survivors benefits when the child is adopted
Updated 07/12/2011 05:10 AM | ID# 439
Our daughter, who had two young children, passed away two years ago. Her husband is planning to remarry and his fiance wants to adopt the children after the marriage. Will the children lose the Social Security survivor's benefits that they currently receive?
No. The adoption of a child already entitled to survivor's benefits does not terminate the child's benefits.
Effect of survivors benefits when the child is adopted
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
No, SSA survivor benefits continue even if a child is adopted.


Effect of survivors benefits when the child is adopted
Thanks for looking that up.

I would also point out that OK has reasonable recognition of de facto parents' rights. With the father deceased, if Mom remarries and any significant time elapses, the stepfather has a very good case for custody even if he doesn't adopt. That makes adoption a little less clear-cut than in some states (where the stepfather would have no rights and the kids would be more likely to go with blood relatives).
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I agree that OP CAN do a name change. Whether she SHOULD is a different and non-legal matter.

I agree with ecmst - a name change without an adoption could create problems down the road. And adoption involves the same questions that are routinely asked. If the couple gets divorced down the road, is Mom OK with the fact that her husband could end up getting custody? And is Dad OK with the fact the the could be paying child support?

Also, will someone please tell me whether SS survivor's benefits are terminated or reduced if the children are adopted?
SS survivor's benefits survive a stepparent adoption. They do not reduce or change in any way.
 

anapr

Member
In all honesty anapr, this really doesn't matter in terms of legalities.
I figured as much. I was curious about this situation because it is similar to mine when I was a child.

My dad passed when I was three. I've always appreciated my mom waiting until I was old enough to understand and asking me if it was okay that she change my name.

Just food for thought for the OP.
 

MegSnyd

Junior Member
I agree that OP CAN do a name change. Whether she SHOULD is a different and non-legal matter.

I agree with ecmst - a name change without an adoption could create problems down the road. And adoption involves the same questions that are routinely asked. If the couple gets divorced down the road, is Mom OK with the fact that her husband could end up getting custody? And is Dad OK with the fact the the could be paying child support?

Also, will someone please tell me whether SS survivor's benefits are terminated or reduced if the children are adopted?


It does not
 

MegSnyd

Junior Member
I figured as much. I was curious about this situation because it is similar to mine when I was a child.

My dad passed when I was three. I've always appreciated my mom waiting until I was old enough to understand and asking me if it was okay that she change my name.

Just food for thought for the OP.

My children are 7 amd 5 now with a step sister who has my husband last name. They all go to the same school so when the other children tease them about not being "real" Brothers and Sisters its hurts their feelings. The only reason the idea was brought up was because my daughter asked for it. As for their biological father, my son remembers nothing of him and my daughter only remembers finding his body after he hung himself. While i do make sure they know who he was and some of the nicer things about him, no i do not push them to remember, it brings up to many questions.
 

MegSnyd

Junior Member
OP, what kind of relationship did your kids have with dad?
There wasn't one really. While he loved them in his own way there was never a very big bond. My daughter found him after he commited suicide so he really hurt things rather than helped.
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
Well, honestly, kids always teach each other about something or other. Your kids need to learn to ignore the stupid crap that other kids say to them and know that their classmates do not need to approve for their family to be perfectly acceptable and valid and happy. They need to inform the other children that it takes more than sharing a last name to make a family and all that matters is that they love each other.

If your husband wants to adopt the kids, then really, go all the way and let him adopt them. Then there will never be confusion about who is on the birth certificate vs who everyone THINKS is the legal father, who will be able to make medical decisions way down the line if you are not around, and how inheritance will be handled way down the line. If your children and their step- or half-siblings have a falling out at some point, if dad passes without a will, these things can get really complicated and doing a name change creates the ILLUSION of an adoption/legal relationship where one does not really exist.
 

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