Adjusting Visitation for Teenagers

[tkd_kiki]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Our current visitation agreement is the same it's been for six years. I live out of state (GA) with the kids and they travel to see their dad on school breaks, including 5 weeks over the summer.

The problem is, our kids are teenagers now and abiding by the visitation schedule 100% is difficult. Our daughter (15) is going out for the volleyball team and it has a significant demand of time over the summer. There are only a few breaks of roughly a week in which there aren't any workouts/practices over the summer. I have encouraged her to try to work something out with her dad so that she can still play on the team. She would need him to agree to either flying her out three separate times over the summer ($$$), or just having about a week and a half of visitation. I have emailed him about the dilemma, but he has expressed that he is unwilling to sacrifice any of his visitation time for her volleyball workouts... which would make her ineligible for the team.

I should also note that their relationship is volatile (frequent yelling/crying arguments), and she is adamant that she does not want to go at all.

My question is, is there anything I can do, aside from going to court to adjust the visitation schedule, so that she's not required by the court order to spend five weeks of her summer in California? If he is unwilling to accommodate her volleyball schedule and insists on her spending the entire five weeks with him, a court date would not come in time for her to meet the requirements of volleyball anyway. I feel like we're stuck at his mercy.

Thanks in advance.

 

[cbg]

No, there is nothing you can do, other than going to court to adjust the visitation schedule. A court order that the kids visit at x y and z times is just that - a court order. It is not a court suggestion. Dad is entitled to his time with his children. Until or unless either a court says otherwise or Dad agrees to a change, you follow the order.

 

[tkd_kiki]

No, there is nothing you can do, other than going to court to adjust the visitation schedule. A court order that the kids visit at x y and z times is just that - a court order. It is not a court suggestion. Dad is entitled to his time with his children. Until or unless either a court says otherwise or Dad agrees to a change.

Thank you for the quick reply. That's as I expected. I'll pass it along to my daughter.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Thank you for the quick reply. That's as I expected. I'll pass it along to my daughter.

No you really shouldn't. Your daughter does not need to be involved in this.

 

[not2cleverRed]

No you really shouldn't. Your daughter does not need to be involved in this.

I think what OP is intending to convey to her daughter is that it's a court order, not a court suggestion, and if Dad won't budge, then that's his prerogative.

One of my siblings-in-law was able to get their kiddo's sport taken into consideration in their custody/visitation orders. But it cost a lot of money to get to that point, the kid was very serious about the sport from a young age, and the other parent was kind of disinterested in the kid.

I would not recommend that route.

I find more troubling that OP has had the teen try and negotiate with Dad, given their already volatile relationship. That sounds guaranteed to cause problems.

 

[stealth2]

Things might be different in your state, but I know that here, HS teams are not allowed to practice w/a coach until pre-season, which is usually ~2 weeks before the season starts. Any practices prior to that are student organized (although sometimes with nudging from the coach) and do not have bearing as to cuts. Generally speaking for a Fall sport (which volleyball is, as was the sport my yongest played), that would mean preseason ~mid-August. If your daughter plays travel, that may interfere with Dad's time, but also has no bearing on HS team eligibility. Have you offered to pay for the multiple flights? Dad really shouldn't be expected to foot that bill.

But, at the end of the day, Dad does not have to agree. Nor does your 15yo get to choose whetherv or not to go to Dad's.

ETA: p/x.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Our current visitation agreement is the same it's been for six years. I live out of state (GA) with the kids and they travel to see their dad on school breaks, including 5 weeks over the summer.

The problem is, our kids are teenagers now and abiding by the visitation schedule 100% is difficult. Our daughter (15) is going out for the volleyball team and it has a significant demand of time over the summer. There are only a few breaks of roughly a week in which there aren't any workouts/practices over the summer. I have encouraged her to try to work something out with her dad so that she can still play on the team. She would need him to agree to either flying her out three separate times over the summer ($$$), or just having about a week and a half of visitation. I have emailed him about the dilemma, but he has expressed that he is unwilling to sacrifice any of his visitation time for her volleyball workouts... which would make her ineligible for the team.

I should also note that their relationship is volatile (frequent yelling/crying arguments), and she is adamant that she does not want to go at all.

My question is, is there anything I can do, aside from going to court to adjust the visitation schedule, so that she's not required by the court order to spend five weeks of her summer in California? If he is unwilling to accommodate her volleyball schedule and insists on her spending the entire five weeks with him, a court date would not come in time for her to meet the requirements of volleyball anyway. I feel like we're stuck at his mercy.

Thanks in advance.

Per your postings over the last years you seem determined to undermine Dads relationship with his kids. Charming.

 

[t74]

Things might be different in your state, but I know that here, HS teams are not allowed to practice w/a coach until pre-season, which is usually ~2 weeks before the season starts. Any practices prior to that are student organized (although sometimes with nudging from the coach) and do not have bearing as to cuts. Generally speaking for a Fall sport (which volleyball is, as was the sport my yongest played), that would mean preseason ~mid-August. If your daughter plays travel, that may interfere with Dad's time, but also has no bearing on HS team eligibility. Have you offered to pay for the multiple flights? Dad really shouldn't be expected to foot that bill.

But, at the end of the day, Dad does not have to agree. Nor does your 15yo get to choose whetherv or not to go to Dad's.

ETA: p/x.

Why would you ever expect dad to foot the bill for extra travel?

How would YOU like the schedule you are proposing for dad? Make dad the CP, and you take the 1 1/2 weeks of summer vacation.

 

[stealth2]

Another option would be to offer him school breaks that he is not scheduled for so as to make up for his lost time. Yes, it's a shame that you would then "lose" that time with your daughter, but if she's so passionate about volleyball and you are supportive of her participation, it should be a no-brainer.You sacrifice for your kid. BTDT.

And really? You moved your (joint) kids across the country, and now you believe it fair to reduce his time, too? That really isn't right.

 

[LdiJ]

Another option would be to offer him school breaks that he is not scheduled for so as to make up for his lost time. Yes, it's a shame that you would then "lose" that time with your daughter, but if she's so passionate about volleyball and you are supportive of her participation, it should be a no-brainer.You sacrifice for your kid. BTDT.

And really? You moved your (joint) kids across the country, and now you believe it fair to reduce his time, too? That really isn't right.

There is also the option of talking to both the coach and the sponsors of the summer training to see just exactly what might be able to be done to allow her to both spend the 5 weeks with her father AND participate on the team. OP's daughter cannot be the only teenager to have this dilemma.

 

[stealth2]

There is also the option of talking to both the coach and the sponsors of the summer training to see just exactly what might be able to be done to allow her to both spend the 5 weeks with her father AND participate on the team. OP's daughter cannot be the only teenager to have this dilemma.

Yup - had to handle this one year that way, swapping my vaca time to allow two full weeks of preseason. The other years? Dad was no longer interested in exercising extended time with the kids.

 

[HRZ]

BUt for now the order is as it is written ...and you Mom need to follow it as does Dad....if you want to swap Dad for orher times and you pick up the extra costs...you are welcome to,try...but Dad is free to say no as well...and the 15 year old does not get to,make up,her own rules.

 

[t74]

Be sure to let DD know that it is NOT her father's "fault" if she does not get to play. Mom should have consulted dad with ALL of the changes that would be necessary and a way to solve the lost visitation BEFORE signing the permission to allow DD to play varsity sports. She can always play on intramural or Y sports.

 

[Just Blue]

Be sure to let DD know that it is NOT her father's "fault" if she does not get to play. Mom should have consulted dad with ALL of the changes that would be necessary and a way to solve the lost visitation BEFORE signing the permission to allow DD to play varsity sports. She can always play on intramural or Y sports.

Per OP posting history she seems to be determined to interfere with the children's relationship with their father. This is just the latest way.

 

[t74]

I know several people - women especially - who will go to any lengths to damage the relationship between other parent and child and to take away the other parent's visitation through false CPS complaints and emergency protective orders.