Bad situation

[WorriedTNMom]

I'm resident of Tennessee. My question is long. Twice, I have awaken to find my husband trying to engage in sexual activity with me while I was sleeping. I feel violated. I told him so. Months past ( we sleep in different rooms!) and I woke up this morning to the same thing. Problem is, I have a two year old child and I DO NOT want my husband to have unsupervised visitation. I say that not because of spite, but because my husband is rough with our child and never really dedicated himself to being a father. He has left twice for a week before with no phone calls, no visits, nothing. I'm also worried about my husband's family because they too, have shown to be physically aggressive towards my child and some of them have a long history of mental illness. If I think there is a chance that my husband will receive these visitations, I'll stay until the child is old enough to make their own decison. I love my child, I'm sad the situation that we are in, but I will not endanger my child's welfare.Please help!

 

[Just Blue]

I'm resident of Tennessee. My question is long. Twice, I have awaken to find my husband trying to engage in sexual activity with me while I was sleeping. I feel violated. I told him so. Months past ( we sleep in different rooms!) and I woke up this morning to the same thing. Problem is, I have a two year old child and I DO NOT want my husband to have unsupervised visitation. I say that not because of spite, but because my husband is rough with our child and never really dedicated himself to being a father. He has left twice for a week before with no phone calls, no visits, nothing. I'm also worried about my husband's family because they too, have shown to be physically aggressive towards my child and some of them have a long history of mental illness. If I think there is a chance that my husband will receive these visitations, I'll stay until the child is old enough to make their own decison. I love my child, I'm sad the situation that we are in, but I will not endanger my child's welfare.Please help!

Based on your post, it appears you are the one with ...issues. Perhaps you should take your "proof" of how Dad is "dangerous" to child to an attorney and go from there.

 

[penelope10]

Based on your post, it appears you are the one with ...issues. Perhaps you should take your "proof" of how Dad is "dangerous" to child to an attorney and go from there.

I agree. And some people consider being woken up in such a way as a pleasant surprise. However, sounds like there is much of the story that has not been related...

 

[Just Blue]

I agree. And some people consider being woken up in such a way as a pleasant surprise. However, sounds like there is much of the story that has not been related...

Perhaps. But I figure if it is "important" than a poster has enough brains to include it in the first post.

 

[CourtClerk]

I agree. And some people consider being woken up in such a way as a pleasant surprise.

Shoot, when I read it, my reaction was



HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Proserpina]

I see a difference between husband doing the "tickle, tickle, nudge, nudge, how 'bout some mornin luvins" thing and (for example) actually engaging in full intercourse knowing the OP is basically unconscious.

Not that I really want graphic details but there is a difference (to me).

 

[futuredust]

I can see her side of this. Not about the child, but being upset over her husbands actions.

**WARNING SEXUAL CONTENT THAT MAY OFFEND TO FOLLOW**

Edited.. "basically he just dry humped me"... That shall suffice, I can understand her being upset, since I went through something similar with my ex husband. I still stand by it has/had no bearing on his ability to parent our children.

It was rape in my mind, I was unwilling and he felt he owned me as his wife and could use my body as he saw fitting to his needs.

However, I never equated that action to his parenting, and I never once felt he would hurt my children in this manner either. He was not this way at first, the first 6 years of our marriage were good. Things changed when he picked up an addiction, he is not the same man I met, his drug habits changed him mentally forever.


Now as far as staying with dad until the child can make a decision, about what??... And if the environment is hostile it is always better to either try to work it out via therapy or to split. Kids are better off with two separated happy parents then two miserable ones living under the same roof.

 

[Proserpina]

Yeap, that's kind of where I was going, futuredust.

I agree also that his actions with Mom do not necessarily reflect his ability (or lack thereof) to be a decent parent.

OP, do you realize that 18 is the age at which your child can decide whether or not he wishes to see his father?

Are you willing to allow your child to remain in a toxic household (because believe me, the tension between you and your husband will be evident to your child even at 2 years old) simply because you don't want husband to have unsupervised visitation?

How is that good for your child?

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

I'm not normally offended by much... but Futuredust... was it completely necessary to go into such detail? Really?

ETA: Its just more about you than I really needed or wanted to know... really.

 

[stealth2]

I'm not normally offended by much... but Futuredust... was it completely necessary to go into such detail? Really?

ETA: Its just more about you than I really needed or wanted to know... really.

Well... she DID warn you and you didn't have to read, Arte!

Though... "he basically dry humped me while I was asleep" would have been adequate

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Well... she DID warn you and you didn't have to read, Arte!

Though... "he basically dry humped me while I was asleep" would have been adequate

I'm not saying that I AM offended... just that I could have been spared... curiosity though, ya know?

 

[penelope10]

Wow, I must really be a light sleeper. Anybody starts moving my clothes around and I'm gonna wake up...

To me the bottom line is (no pun intended) that if two people can't stand to sleep in the same room anymore, don't enjoy having sex with the other party, then perhaps its time to move on. Or go to counseling to fix things.

However in my opinion what has thus been described would not give the offended parent the right to sole custody. (It think that was her original question, I kind of lost my train of thought after the last couple of posts)

 

[Proserpina]

So let us separate the issues.

1) OP feels violated and has every right to set boundaries and have those boundaries respected. She can do this herself, or if she can't there are certainly hundreds of self-help groups, there is therapy, all kinds of methods to help her be more assertive. If this doesn't work - she needs to leave, period.

2) Custody of the child, being that OP alleges dad is "physically aggressive", and so is his family.

I'm curious as to 2).

OP, define "physically aggressive" please.

 

[futuredust]

I edited, sorry if I offended anyone.

At the time we had six children I was doing most of the care taking. Plus worked 12 hour days, and had my ex's elderly father in the home to care for as well.. When I was tired, I mean it when I say, dead tired.

 

[penelope10]

I'm resident of Tennessee. My question is long. Twice, I have awaken to find my husband trying to engage in sexual activity with me while I was sleeping. I feel violated. I told him so. Months past ( we sleep in different rooms!) and I woke up this morning to the same thing. Problem is, I have a two year old child and I DO NOT want my husband to have unsupervised visitation. I say that not because of spite, but because my husband is rough with our child and never really dedicated himself to being a father. He has left twice for a week before with no phone calls, no visits, nothing. I'm also worried about my husband's family because they too, have shown to be physically aggressive towards my child and some of them have a long history of mental illness. If I think there is a chance that my husband will receive these visitations, I'll stay until the child is old enough to make their own decison. I love my child, I'm sad the situation that we are in, but I will not endanger my child's welfare.Please help!

I wanted to bring up another point to your post. Are you stating that these relatives are mentally ill and are therefore aggressive towards the child? And when did you get a full diagnosis of their mental illness and from whom? Also what constitutes your definition of physically aggressive? Beatings, verbal abuse, or what?