changing 50/50 custody (teenagers)

[coroandobbmom]

Ct is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am the mother of two teenage boys 17 1/2 & 15 with 50/50 physical & legal custody. Over the last couple my eldest son 17 has been getting in trouble (mostly on his Dad's custodial days), forging school doc's, almost failing 3 classses, driving illegally, and excessive lying! I have taken many privledges away as a result. During this time, Dad told my son "since you and your Mom don't get along, I would love to have full custody of you". First of all, this is not a household issue but a problem woth our son's poor behavior and my "X" underminding my rules has caused my son's to be disrepectful to me. The last two months things have been great, the boys also agree. Now of out blue, I get served for "full custody" papers on both of my boys, I was shocked. When approaching the boys on the subject, my eldest say's this is what he wants, "its a done deal" but cannot even formulate a real reason other than your always yelling at me. In addition, my "X' is 2 yrs behind on spousal support and "I" hired an attorney a few months back to try and get this resolved out of court, but it hasn't been yet. I feel this is a move based on me going after the past due money.

Will the court favor the 17 & 15 decision based on "no" real reason to change custody? Will they ignore some of what they have to say because of all the trouble the 17 yr old has been in. My 15 yr old is just following whatever his older brother say's and has admiited to family members he really doesn't want this. Advice welcomed!!!

 

[CourtClerk]

He's got virtually no chance of changing custody, just because. However, your 17 year old can move at midnight the day he turns 18. Tell him to start packing his bags now so he can be prepared to move.

 

[Isis1]

Please understand, i'm not saying your 17 year old is a lost cause.

Having said that, if your almost adult is acting like this still, nothing you do now, is going to clean him up in six months. And like stated, he can walk out the door the split second he turns 18.

 

[CJane]

How is it that he's only failing classes, lying and forging documents on dad's time? Seems rather all-encompassing to me.

Dad not only has almost no shot at changing custody just because he wants to, but he's also got almost no chance at even having a hearing, let alone a decision before the oldest turns 18.

 

[CourtClerk]

he's also got almost no chance at even having a hearing, let alone a decision before the oldest turns 18.

I wouldn't go that far... unless kiddo is turning 18 within the next few weeks. You can get in on an OSC rather quickly, even in my big ole' overburdened, understaffed county.

 

[CJane]

I wouldn't go that far... unless kiddo is turning 18 within the next few weeks. You can get in on an OSC rather quickly, even in my big ole' overburdened, understaffed county.

What's the allowed time to respond to the motion, etc?

How can you get completely through the system in a few weeks?

 

[CourtClerk]

What's the allowed time to respond to the motion, etc?

9 court days before the hearing, or 14 if served by mail.

How can you get completely through the system in a few weeks?

If the parties have been to mediation in the last 90 days, then it's not necessary to go again. They're usually calendared 6 weeks out or so.

If mediation is necessary and you can get in within 6 weeks, you can theoretically go to mediation at 8 in the morning and go to court later that morning or afternoon...

 

[coroandobbmom]

How is it that he's only failing classes, lying and forging documents on dad's time? Seems rather all-encompassing to me.

Dad not only has almost no shot at changing custody just because he wants to, but he's also got almost no chance at even having a hearing, let alone a decision before the oldest turns 18.

No, I didn't mean to imply that my "X" is responsible for my son's beahvior at all. I think that my son is most responsible for his behavior. I just meant that his father is the one filing for full custody and most of my boys problems have occured on his custodial days, my "X" lets him do what he wants. Both of us as parents have to take a piece of the pie as well. Just scared my rebellious 17 yr old just wants to avoid any consequences of his behavior. My thoughts are if he's so unhappy, save his money and prepare to move out in 6 months. I hope the court agrees?

 

[CJane]

No, I didn't mean to imply that my "X" is responsible for my son's beahvior at all.

But, that's exactly what you did.

First of all, this is not a household issue but a problem woth our son's poor behavior and my "X" underminding my rules has caused my son's to be disrepectful to me.

 

[wileybunch]

But, that's exactly what you did.

She's really just laid out the situation and said the getting in trouble (specific poor choices by son) has mostly happened on Dad's custodial days, but says that it's her son's poor behavior (she's not blaming someone else -- she blames son) and that Dad is undermining her by saying son can live with him because he knows son doesn't like the privileges that get taken away by Mom when son makes bad choices.

 

[CJane]

She's really just laid out the situation and said the getting in trouble (specific poor choices by son) has mostly happened on Dad's custodial days,

Which doesn't make sense since the specific poor behavior involves things that MUST be happening on ALL days. (Like failing classes).

but says that it's her son's poor behavior (she's not blaming someone else -- she blames son) and that Dad is undermining her by saying son can live with him because he knows son doesn't like the privileges that get taken away by Mom when son makes bad choices.

And that's not AT ALL what her post says. She says that her ex undermining her rules is what has caused BOTH of her boys to be disrespectful to her.

I'm not saying that the ex's behavior is OK. But since when is he obligated to follow Mom's rules at all?

Kiddo is 17 -- if he can't make good choices about schooling, driving, etc RIGHT NOW, then perhaps something fundamental was missing from his "raising" all along because he's obviously not prepared for the real life that could very well smack him in the face in 6 months.

But now... his lack of respect for his mother is all because Dad undermines Mom's rules...

 

[wileybunch]

Which doesn't make sense since the specific poor behavior involves things that MUST be happening on ALL days. (Like failing classes).

She said, "... getting in trouble (mostly on his Dad's custodial days), forging school doc's, almost failing 3 classses, driving illegally, and excessive lying!"

Now maybe she meant to put a dash or colon instead of the first comma, but if not, the "mostly" may be excluding the grades. I dunno.

And that's not AT ALL what her post says. She says that her ex undermining her rules is what has caused BOTH of her boys to be disrespectful to her.

I'm not saying that the ex's behavior is OK. But since when is he obligated to follow Mom's rules at all?

I thought she was referring to Dad's offering the son to live with him so he doesn't have to live under Mom's rules in the first place.

And, you're right -- if her DS wants that escape hatch, she's not likely to be able to parent that out of him before his 18th birthday.