Confused

[MMSigley]

From West Virginia. My ex-boyfriend and I share a 2 year old child. We both resided with my parents until August 2017 when we separated. He moved out and rarely calls (every 2 months at the least), and has picked her up for visitation in the same manner. Our agreement (verbal) was to split custody (each to have her 3 1/2 days a week). When he gets her, he keeps her a few hours and then calls me to come and pick her up. I have not filed any parenting plan or child custody, child support paperwork at all in fear that he will feel forced to take her. My question is: Do I have to file a parenting plan and custody packet at the courthouse? And do I have to file for child support? I do not want my daughter to suffer because he feels legally obligated to be her Father. Advice please!

 

[Ohiogal]

From West Virginia. My ex-boyfriend and I share a 2 year old child. We both resided with my parents until August 2017 when we separated. He moved out and rarely calls (every 2 months at the least), and has picked her up for visitation in the same manner. Our agreement (verbal) was to split custody (each to have her 3 1/2 days a week). When he gets her, he keeps her a few hours and then calls me to come and pick her up. I have not filed any parenting plan or child custody, child support paperwork at all in fear that he will feel forced to take her. My question is: Do I have to file a parenting plan and custody packet at the courthouse? And do I have to file for child support? I do not want my daughter to suffer because he feels legally obligated to be her Father. Advice please!

He would never be FORCED to exercise time with her. If you want child support, you have to file for child support and get a court order. Right now, you have sole custody by default if paternity has not been legally established and court orders for time made.

 

[MMSigley]

He would never be FORCED to exercise time with her. If you want child support, you have to file for child support and get a court order. Right now, you have sole custody by default if paternity has not been legally established and court orders for time made.

His name is on her birth certificate. But I have never filed any legal paperwork whatsoever.

 

[Ohiogal]

His name is on her birth certificate. But I have never filed any legal paperwork whatsoever.

So you filed an affidavit of paternity however that is not legal recognition... without a court order he is entitled to no enforceable time.

 

[MMSigley]

So you filed an affidavit of paternity however that is not legal recognition... without a court order he is entitled to no enforceable time.

So, if he shows up after 6 months/6 years, whenever of being absent, I am not legally obligated to hand over our child?

 

[Ohiogal]

So, if he shows up after 6 months/6 years, whenever of being absent, I am not legally obligated to hand over our child?

Not unless you have a court order that requires it.

 

[MMSigley]

Not unless you have a court order that requires it.

If I were to file for Child Support, and he is paying support, does that give him more/different rights to visitation whenever he feels like showing up?

 

[Zigner]

So, if he shows up after 6 months/6 years, whenever of being absent, I am not legally obligated to hand over our child?

Not unless you have a court order that requires it.

However, please keep in mind that if you fail to be reasonable about visitation and he goes to court over it, it may put you in a bad light with the judge.

 

[Zigner]

If I were to file for Child Support, and he is paying support, does that give him more/different rights to visitation whenever he feels like showing up?

Visitation and child support are separate matters. He doesn't/shouldn't have to pay admission to see his kid.

 

[MMSigley]

However, please keep in mind that if you fail to be reasonable about visitation and he goes to court over it, it may put you in a bad light with the judge.

I completely understand that and 2000% wish I didn't have to worry about it. I wish he wanted to see our daughter and be a Father to her. I'm concerned about how it's going to affect her when he only shows up every few months when it's convenient for him. He is absent in every sense of the word.

 

[MMSigley]

Visitation and child support are separate matters. He doesn't/shouldn't have to pay admission to see his kid.

Good, I was wondering about that. So he can be made to pay child support and not be forced to be present. I just do not want a hostile father feeling forced to spend time with our daughter. Would not be good for any of us.

 

[Ohiogal]

Good, I was wondering about that. So he can be made to pay child support and not be forced to be present. I just do not want a hostile father feeling forced to spend time with our daughter. Would not be good for any of us.

It is not out of the realm of possibility that if you file for child support, dad will file for custody or court ordered time. That happens. However, court orders protect everyone.

 

[LdiJ]

Unfortunately some people feel very hostile about paying child support and do decide to fight for custody/joint physical custody in the hope of reducing or avoiding child support. I do not know if your ex is the kind of person who will feel very hostile about paying child support or not. Your ex might be expecting it any time and just be grateful for the months he didn't have to pay. Its just something that you should be aware of.

Your ex also might get more interested in spending time with her as she gets older. Some people relate better to children who are walking and are articulate rather than infants.

 

[MMSigley]

It is not out of the realm of possibility that if you file for child support, dad will file for custody or court ordered time. That happens. However, court orders protect everyone.

Thank you so much to all of you for all the information. I have been hoping that we could co-parent and do this outside of the courts. It hasn't turned out that way. I have been responsible for everything for our child, child care while I work, clothing, food, diapers, doctors visits, etc. He hasn't helped at all.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you so much to all of you for all the information. I have been hoping that we could co-parent and do this outside of the courts. It hasn't turned out that way. I have been responsible for everything for our child, child care while I work, clothing, food, diapers, doctors visits, etc. He hasn't helped at all.

Without court orders he doesn't have to do anything. He owes you nothing. Now the child is entitled to be supported by both parents however. Get a court order.