confused dad needs help

[MrJenkins]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

Sorry if this is long..

I am in a situation and I am not sure what the best way to handle this is. I am in a custody dispute and I want to make sure I am going to correct way about this. Here is a little background:

We were not married when we had our daughter (April 07), although I signed the birth certificate and she has my last name. I reside in Ohio. My ex and our daughter reside in PA. Our daughter was born in PA also. We split in July 07. When we split, she started dating another guy. I sent her child support (no court order) which was sent back. I was admittedly immature, with no job, but still managed to send her at least 150 a month. I shaped up, obtained a job (which I am still employed at), and rose up the ranks from an hourly employee to upper management within the year. I made several attempts at phone calls and visits for my daughter, which was always ignored.

In July 08, after a year of trying to negotiate visitation and phone calls, I filed official child support with the state of Ohio. I showed them that I have been trying to send CS payments for the last year, which was always returned. They denied her any back support since I made the effort and she refused. I then started the proceedings for visitation. When she found this out, she was furious stating that I was only doing this to get back with her, that her new bf was my daughters dad, and that I wouldn’t get any visitation at all. I ignored her rants and we followed the process which included a mediator.

We met with a mediator before it went to a judge and we determined that we could work on a parenting plan. One of her concerns was my past immaturity and didn’t want to subject our daughter to me coming in and out of her life. I agreed that I was willing to put in the effort to prove that I have grown up and want to take this seriously, so we agreed to 1 day a month, for 4 hours supervised visits with the assumption that after a few months, I’d be allowed more time with our daughter and it would lead into having a weekend un supervised. I have consistently been there, have never missed a CS payment, and have provided monetary support in excess of what was required. I was trying to keep us on good terms. This lasted about 3 months until my ex found out I was dating someone else. Now she has turned cold and is not helpful at all. During my visit, she always has her bf there, which I believe interferes with my ability to bond with my daughter. She has stated that she will never let me have an over night visit, or let me take my daughter away from her house(which is where the supervised visits are).

I am now afraid I will have to prepare for court in order to get a weekend visitation. What would the best recourse be for me? I am looking to have more time with my daughter, and to be able to visit her without having to stay inside her house.

If you need anymore information, I will try and provide it.

Thanks

 

[CourtClerk]

You should have continued with the court case for visitation when it was before the courts. People who present themselves initially as uncooperative generally don't wake up and have a revelation just because.

At this point, reopen the visitation case and have a long term parenting plan ordered. If mid way through the process she decides to play nice, then continue with the court case and let the COURT order a parenting plan.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

Sorry if this is long..

I am in a situation and I am not sure what the best way to handle this is. I am in a custody dispute and I want to make sure I am going to correct way about this. Here is a little background:

We were not married when we had our daughter (April 07), although I signed the birth certificate and she has my last name. I reside in Ohio. My ex and our daughter reside in PA. Our daughter was born in PA also.

By this PA should have jurisdiction.. however I skipped ahead and apparently mom consented to Ohio having jursidiction. What COUNTY is the case?

We split in July 07. When we split, she started dating another guy. I sent her child support (no court order) which was sent back. I was admittedly immature, with no job, but still managed to send her at least 150 a month. I shaped up, obtained a job (which I am still employed at), and rose up the ranks from an hourly employee to upper management within the year. I made several attempts at phone calls and visits for my daughter, which was always ignored.

WEll you attempted which was good natured of you.

In July 08, after a year of trying to negotiate visitation and phone calls, I filed official child support with the state of Ohio. I showed them that I have been trying to send CS payments for the last year, which was always returned. They denied her any back support since I made the effort and she refused. I then started the proceedings for visitation.

Technically Ohio didn't have jursidiction.

When she found this out, she was furious stating that I was only doing this to get back with her, that her new bf was my daughters dad, and that I wouldn’t get any visitation at all. I ignored her rants and we followed the process which included a mediator.

Well her parental alienation is NOT going to help her at all.

We met with a mediator before it went to a judge and we determined that we could work on a parenting plan. One of her concerns was my past immaturity and didn’t want to subject our daughter to me coming in and out of her life. I agreed that I was willing to put in the effort to prove that I have grown up and want to take this seriously, so we agreed to 1 day a month, for 4 hours supervised visits with the assumption that after a few months, I’d be allowed more time with our daughter and it would lead into having a weekend un supervised. I have consistently been there, have never missed a CS payment, and have provided monetary support in excess of what was required. I was trying to keep us on good terms. This lasted about 3 months until my ex found out I was dating someone else. Now she has turned cold and is not helpful at all. During my visit, she always has her bf there, which I believe interferes with my ability to bond with my daughter. She has stated that she will never let me have an over night visit, or let me take my daughter away from her house(which is where the supervised visits are).

Time to go to court.

I am now afraid I will have to prepare for court in order to get a weekend visitation. What would the best recourse be for me? I am looking to have more time with my daughter, and to be able to visit her without having to stay inside her house.

Go to court to get weekend visitation.
Right now she wants to dictate. Don't allow her to continue dictiating. where was everything filed?

 

[MrJenkins]

Should I be specific for what I ask for i.e every other weekend,

or will the courts decided if I am able to have visitation over night.

Should I ask for more time on the off chance that I will be granted visitation, but less time than I intially asked for?

 

[Ohiogal]

Ask for joint custody -- both legal and physical -- and primary physical custody due to parental alienation and uncooperativeness of the mother.

 

[MrJenkins]

ohio gal..

Custody papers were filed in PA (allegheny county ) to be more specific.

Child support was filed through ohio(franklin co).


I have driven to PA to file all the correct papers and appear to the mediator, even though 7 hours of driving(RT) for 20-30 mins work of paper work didnt seem fair.

 

[MrJenkins]

One of the things I am worried about, was the rough stuff we went through when we first split.

We said harsh stuff, in which she printed off the internet since it was through email communications.

How can I prepare myself against her accusations that I would not be fit.

 

[Ohiogal]

ohio gal..

Custody papers were filed in PA (allegheny county ) to be more specific.

Child support was filed through ohio(franklin co).


I have driven to PA to file all the correct papers and appear to the mediator, even though 7 hours of driving(RT) for 20-30 mins work of paper work didnt seem fair.

Okay that helps. Try mailing paperwork. Most courts will accept that. You definitely need to go through court however if you want to be involved with your child. The reason I said to ask for that much is go for the moon and the stars and you might get more than you thought though not everything.

 

[wileybunch]

We said harsh stuff, in which she printed off the internet since it was through email communications.

How can I prepare myself against her accusations that I would not be fit.

WE said harsh stuff or you did? And, just how harsh? People say pretty unkind things to each other during relationship problems, but without knowing more, we can't guess how much that will come back to bite either of you.

 

[MrJenkins]

WE said harsh stuff or you did? And, just how harsh? People say pretty unkind things to each other during relationship problems, but without knowing more, we can't guess how much that will come back to bite either of you.

we both said things. The normal curse words back and forth, telling eachother who we each ruined eachothers lives. She called me every name in the book including being a manwhore. I told her on numerous occasions that she better have a good lawyer cause I would be seeking custody and etc.

i told her that she rather our daughter be on welfare than to move out of her parents house. It was basically a lot of petty stuff that really served no purpose other than trying to hurt eachothers feelings.

It was completely stupid and with the exception of that brief month long period to where we fought a lot, I have tried to take the high road. I admitted to my mistakes, and reconized that I hurt her(although she wont do the same), but have tried to keep a level head.

 

[Isis1]

keep the level head going. it will only help you. definitely do what OG stated as it would benefit your daughter to have the both of you constantly in her life. one day a month my butt .

people say mean things to each other. the mature thing to do is to deal with it, get mad, and then get over it. apparently, she hasn't. that now makes it her personal issue. her not being sorry, is her problem, not yours. don't let it bug you.

 

[wileybunch]

keep the level head going. it will only help you. definitely do what OG stated as it would benefit your daughter to have the both of you constantly in her life. one day a month my butt .

people say mean things to each other. the mature thing to do is to deal with it, get mad, and then get over it. apparently, she hasn't. that now makes it her personal issue. her not being sorry, is her problem, not yours. don't let it bug you.

ITA with this.

OP, that's normal bickering for people that are breaking up and at the height of not getting along. What I wanted to make sure is that you didn't make specific threats that were criminal in nature.

 

[LdiJ]

keep the level head going. it will only help you. definitely do what OG stated as it would benefit your daughter to have the both of you constantly in her life. one day a month my butt .

people say mean things to each other. the mature thing to do is to deal with it, get mad, and then get over it. apparently, she hasn't. that now makes it her personal issue. her not being sorry, is her problem, not yours. don't let it bug you.

It is long distance visitation, so one visit a month is not unusual, however the limited 4 hours is.

As far as OG's statement that he should file for full custody because mom isn't cooperating and is alienating, I have to disagree with that. Apparently mom has not denied any of the agreed upon visitation, and I think that alienation is a factor not in evidence at this point. The child won't be two until April 09.

Dad needs to take it back to court to get something more concrete. Its sounds to me like he hasn't had more than 4 or 5 supervised visits yet, so he made not be able to go straight into a full weekend, but he can definitely get more time, and unsupervised time. He should not agree to anything however that doesn't show specific progression.

For example, for three months he gets 8 hours unsupervised outside mom's home, and then for three months he gets 1 overnight in mom's community, and after that it goes to full weekends either in mom's community or his, depending on actual distance.

 

[mommabearx1]

LD mom is having her BF over during these visits. Granted saying he is the child's new father, would probably be hearsay, wouldn't having the BF around for the a four hour visit that comes once a month be a problem?

 

[wileybunch]

The BF should not be there but I don't consider that really "alienating", either. I think OP's anticipating she won't be cooperative in increasing time and going to overnights, but she doesn't HAVE to at this point because they have no court order for that. That's not alienation. He needs to move to get a CO that achieves those end goals, either now, or with a graduated schedule. Mom's behavior certainly smacks of someone that would be alienating, saying new bedwarmer is "Dad" and such, but there's no evidence she's doing alienating behavior that would have her found in contempt at this point. He doesn't have a solid CO in the first placer.