Custody Relocation Trial Scheduled

[gapeach404]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I’m am the Mother of a 3 year old. The Father and I have been in court for a year. I moved out when our son was 18 months, we were never married. I got promoted at work and was asked to relocate to NC, father agreed verbally then changed his mind after I accepted the job and bought a home. The forensic evaluation which I requested came back that it’s in our son’s best interest to move with me to NC. Father admitted during his sessions with the psychologists to drug use, spanking our son at 14 months, suicide attempt and domestic violence against me. He had previously denied all of this in court. Psychologist recommendation for visitation was for me to pay for father to travel to NC once a month and to bring our son back to NY once a month at my expense as well, which I agreed to.

Father is not accepting report or offer and says it’s not a fair schedule and he will only except visitation what he’s currently getting which is every other Saturday overnight in NY only. He stated he absolutely will not travel to NC to see our son. At yesterday’s hearing judge was fed up and scheduled a trial, with another judge in September. She also stated to him that he needs to settle this and this is not a case that needs to go to trial. Is it normal for a judge to give up a case they’ve had for a year?

Today when I picked our son up from his midweek visit with his Dad, he threw a tantrum and was crying and saying he didn’t want to go with Mommy. He has never done this. I noticed his father recording the tantrum on his phone. Is this something he can use in court or give to the GAL to try and sway them? I feel like since he has nothing negative about me that he’s trying to create something.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I’m am the Mother of a 3 year old. The Father and I have been in court for a year. I moved out when our son was 18 months, we were never married. I got promoted at work and was asked to relocate to NC, father agreed verbally then changed his mind after I accepted the job and bought a home. The forensic evaluation which I requested came back that it’s in our son’s best interest to move with me to NC. Father admitted during his sessions with the psychologists to drug use, spanking our son at 14 months, suicide attempt and domestic violence against me. He had previously denied all of this in court. Psychologist recommendation for visitation was for me to pay for father to travel to NC once a month and to bring our son back to NY once a month at my expense as well, which I agreed to.

Father is not accepting report or offer and says it’s not a fair schedule and he will only except visitation what he’s currently getting which is every other Saturday overnight in NY only. He stated he absolutely will not travel to NC to see our son. At yesterday’s hearing judge was fed up and scheduled a trial, with another judge in September. She also stated to him that he needs to settle this and this is not a case that needs to go to trial. Is it normal for a judge to give up a case they’ve had for a year?

Today when I picked our son up from his midweek visit with his Dad, he threw a tantrum and was crying and saying he didn’t want to go with Mommy. He has never done this. I noticed his father recording the tantrum on his phone. Is this something he can use in court or give to the GAL to try and sway them? I feel like since he has nothing negative about me that he’s trying to create something.

He can try. And yes a judge can schedule a trial with another judge. Dad doesn't have to agree to allowing you to move and is entitled to a trial.

 

[not2cleverRed]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I’m am the Mother of a 3 year old. The Father and I have been in court for a year. I moved out when our son was 18 months, we were never married. I got promoted at work and was asked to relocate to NC, father agreed verbally then changed his mind after I accepted the job and bought a home. The forensic evaluation which I requested came back that it’s in our son’s best interest to move with me to NC. Father admitted during his sessions with the psychologists to drug use, spanking our son at 14 months, suicide attempt and domestic violence against me. He had previously denied all of this in court. Psychologist recommendation for visitation was for me to pay for father to travel to NC once a month and to bring our son back to NY once a month at my expense as well, which I agreed to.

Father is not accepting report or offer and says it’s not a fair schedule and he will only except visitation what he’s currently getting which is every other Saturday overnight in NY only. He stated he absolutely will not travel to NC to see our son. At yesterday’s hearing judge was fed up and scheduled a trial, with another judge in September. She also stated to him that he needs to settle this and this is not a case that needs to go to trial. Is it normal for a judge to give up a case they’ve had for a year?

Today when I picked our son up from his midweek visit with his Dad, he threw a tantrum and was crying and saying he didn’t want to go with Mommy. He has never done this. I noticed his father recording the tantrum on his phone. Is this something he can use in court or give to the GAL to try and sway them? I feel like since he has nothing negative about me that he’s trying to create something.

No. That is not something that can be used. In fact, should he try to use it, it could backfire. Children should not be put in the center of these disputes.

Stay calm, stay patient. From my personal experience, when a judge says "this is not a case that needs to go to trial," what the judge means is that one or both parties are being unreasonable, and there will be limited patience should there be no attitude change.

I do not know why the judge is transferring the case. That is the wild card here.

 

[gapeach404]

No. That is not something that can be used. In fact, should he try to use it, it could backfire. Children should not be put in the center of these disputes.

Stay calm, stay patient. From my personal experience, when a judge says "this is not a case that needs to go to trial," what the judge means is that one or both parties are being unreasonable, and there will be limited patience should there be no attitude change.

I do not know why the judge is transferring the case. That is the wild card here.

Thanks! I was very upset when I saw that because I feel now he's resorted to manipulating our son. I did inform my attorney as an FYI of what I witnessed yesterday. I won't say anything to ex as it will surely result in a heated exchange.

I was surprised the judge gave up the case. My attorney says we won't know who the judge is until we show up the day of the trial.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Thanks! I was very upset when I saw that because I feel now he's resorted to manipulating our son. I did inform my attorney as an FYI of what I witnessed yesterday. I won't say anything to ex as it will surely result in a heated exchange.

I was surprised the judge gave up the case. My attorney says we won't know who the judge is until we show up the day of the trial.

Good.

Also, depending on how verbal your son is, be prepared with simple responses if he asks you questions based on things Dad has been saying during his parenting time.

My child was over a year older than yours when I was going through this. Dad coached my kid to ask for more parenting time at exchanges, and then tried to bring that up in court (after he fired his lawyer). The judge cut him off and did not allow it.

My child also had lots of questions based on things Dad said to her. I tried to keep it simple. You may find that, "That's for the grown ups to discuss and decide" is not exactly going to satisfy a preschooler. I recall saying something along the lines of, "You know, Daddy and I don't get along very well. So we're having a judge decide that for us." Or, "Just like I have rules for you, there are rules I have to follow. Daddy and I have to follow the judge's rules." They ask a lot of questions at that age. Keep your answers truthful and simple without putting the child in the middle or being critical of the other parent.

 

[gapeach404]

Good.

Also, depending on how verbal your son is, be prepared with simple responses if he asks you questions based on things Dad has been saying during his parenting time.

My child was over a year older than yours when I was going through this. Dad coached my kid to ask for more parenting time at exchanges, and then tried to bring that up in court (after he fired his lawyer). The judge cut him off and did not allow it.

My child also had lots of questions based on things Dad said to her. I tried to keep it simple. You may find that, "That's for the grown ups to discuss and decide" is not exactly going to satisfy a preschooler. I recall saying something along the lines of, "You know, Daddy and I don't get along very well. So we're having a judge decide that for us." Or, "Just like I have rules for you, there are rules I have to follow. Daddy and I have to follow the judge's rules." They ask a lot of questions at that age. Keep your answers truthful and simple without putting the child in the middle or being critical of the other parent.

Already there! My son is very verbal and has already been saying things like "I can't go to NC, I live in NY, Grandpa said that" and "I don't love Mommy, I want to stay with Daddy". It seems that every visit ex and his family use the time to manipulate my son. I always tell him that he can love Mommy and Daddy and have fun with both of us, he doesn't have to chose. My son loves our new home in NC, he has a ton of space and friends, etc. He is a very happy child and I'm starting to see him have moments when he's confused and sad and it really hurts that his Father is dragging him into this. I hope there aren't any long term effects of this manipulation.

 

[Ohiogal]

Already there! My son is very verbal and has already been saying things like "I can't go to NC, I live in NY, Grandpa said that" and "I don't love Mommy, I want to stay with Daddy". It seems that every visit ex and his family use the time to manipulate my son. I always tell him that he can love Mommy and Daddy and have fun with both of us, he doesn't have to chose. My son loves our new home in NC, he has a ton of space and friends, etc. He is a very happy child and I'm starting to see him have moments when he's confused and sad and it really hurts that his Father is dragging him into this. I hope there aren't any long term effects of this manipulation.

Have you gotten him in counseling? That may be something to do. Your ex has a right to object to the move. But a counselor -- if they include dad in the discussions -- can state an opinion regarding whether your son is being manipulated.

 

[gapeach404]

Have you gotten him in counseling? That may be something to do. Your ex has a right to object to the move. But a counselor -- if they include dad in the discussions -- can state an opinion regarding whether your son is being manipulated.

Good idea, thanks! Is it possible and appropriate to use the same forensic psychologist that did our evaluation? My son really bonded with him and still asks about him from time to time. I would love to ask him to do a follow up but don't want to screw up anything with the trial.

 

[Ohiogal]

Good idea, thanks! Is it possible and appropriate to use the same forensic psychologist that did our evaluation? My son really bonded with him and still asks about him from time to time. I would love to ask him to do a follow up but don't want to screw up anything with the trial.

"OUR" meaning you and your ex? No. Maybe someone in the same practice. But NOT the same person.

 

[gapeach404]

"OUR" meaning you and your ex? No. Maybe someone in the same practice. But NOT the same person.

Yes he has sessions with all of us (me, child and ex). He's private practice so there's no one else. Do I need to run this by the GAL first for approval or I can find someone on my own?

 

[holiford]

Yes he has sessions with all of us (me, child and ex). He's private practice so there's no one else. Do I need to run this by the GAL first for approval or I can find someone on my own?

Maybe you can leave the little guy out of this?

 

[LdiJ]

Maybe you can leave the little guy out of this?

That would be great if dad and grandpa were leaving the child out of it, but they are not. The child needs counseling to help cope with the situation and to help show what dad is doing.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes he has sessions with all of us (me, child and ex). He's private practice so there's no one else. Do I need to run this by the GAL first for approval or I can find someone on my own?

Counseling is NOT being suggested a court move or to use in court. It is being suggested to help your son. END OF STORY. Why would you need GAL approval to provide your son with counseling?

 

[gapeach404]

Maybe you can leave the little guy out of this?

I've never spoken to my son about the case, court, etc. His Father has said things to him like "Mommy won't let you stay with me, that's okay we will settle this in court", etc. Forensic was ordered and completed already. The only thing our son knows from me is that we are going to see Dr. W (forensic psych) or Mr. B (GAL).

 

[gapeach404]

That would be great if dad and grandpa were leaving the child out of it, but they are not. The child needs counseling to help cope with the situation and to help show what dad is doing.

Exactly. I'm starting to see some behavior that concerns me. Our son loves us both and I see the confused look on his face because it seems like they are trying to make him choose between Mommy and Daddy, NY and NC and he doesn't have to.