What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
My son's father has been trying to get my son to have visitation with his partner (girlfriend, now wife) when he is not available. He was able to 'plant himself' here 2014/2015 to pretend like he was available and pretending he had no work (because he can afford this charade). Our legal agreement was made during this period of time; he spent upwards of $100K to save $300 a month in child support. He is financially and emotionally abusive even though he pays his child support religiously.
He travels a lot for work and has been out of state for over 2 years. He has exercised his visitation <1% during this time. He is now proposing to return in mid-March and has threatened me numerous times about returning to court.
I sent him information about a mediator to help us come up with an agreement (which is court ordered and he also does not make himself available for this). He responded saying, "I will not agree to less than 50/50, refusal to go to mediation and there won't be exclusion of step-mom made just like I wouldn't have the right to do if you have someone in your life".
Details: My son has stated he does not want to spend time with step-mom without Dad present. Our court order currently is physical custody with Mom and shared legal custody at this time. It also stipulates a 50/50 schedule where Dad forfeits time he is unavailable to exercise visitation but will spend at least 30% with child. He has not exercised this visitation right at any really regularity for over 2 years by his own choice; 1- week per quarter but has not seen him since September of 2016 as of today. I have not prevented him access to the child. Dad travels a lot for work, it would not be a pick up at after school care and Dad will be home late tonight. It would be step-mom having child for regular visitation when Dad will never be present. This could go on for months not occasionally.
Question: I want to ensure our child experiences visitation with Mom or Dad not step-parent in lieu of Dad. How can I maintain this? Side note to question: Dad is a master manipulator. Based on comments from my son's psychiatrist it is likely Dad has narcissistic personality disorder (i.e., his behavior will never stop, there is no treatment for NPD). His desire for this arrangement is purely financial. He has been trying to manipulate our child to dislike Mom since he was born. He assumed child was upset when he would leave because child did not want to be with Mom, rather than realizing the child is expressing his frustration with not understanding time and not understanding when he'll see you again.
Key point: He spends more time trying to gather information against me to use in family court than he does tracking our child's activities. He will threaten me by stating he is documenting the number of times he calls and I am keeping him from our son. He calls when we are not available for various reasons (eating dinner, doing homework, child is at sports, child is at church group, I am literally just getting him to understand his homework, etc.). He will obsessively call my home # and cell # (15 times back and forth) until I angrily pick up and say we are busy and unavailable or until he gives up or we are not even home and the mobile phone is dead. I have also told him Monday - Thursday we are too busy to have calls, any other day is great. He insists we succumb to his schedule when all he has to do it go to work in a day. Meanwhile, I work full time (scientist), parent, drive a long commute (110 miles per day), school work, family time,manage care schedule for child all year long, maintain a home single-handedly in the Sierras (maintenance, snow clearing, fire safety) etc. He refuses to accept poor planning on his part does not constitute an emergency on our part.
Psychiatrist has stated I need to limit my communication with him. It's really my only way to peace.
Please help!!
My son's father has been trying to get my son to have visitation with his partner (girlfriend, now wife) when he is not available. He was able to 'plant himself' here 2014/2015 to pretend like he was available and pretending he had no work (because he can afford this charade). Our legal agreement was made during this period of time; he spent upwards of $100K to save $300 a month in child support. He is financially and emotionally abusive even though he pays his child support religiously.
He travels a lot for work and has been out of state for over 2 years. He has exercised his visitation <1% during this time. He is now proposing to return in mid-March and has threatened me numerous times about returning to court.
I sent him information about a mediator to help us come up with an agreement (which is court ordered and he also does not make himself available for this). He responded saying, "I will not agree to less than 50/50, refusal to go to mediation and there won't be exclusion of step-mom made just like I wouldn't have the right to do if you have someone in your life".
Details: My son has stated he does not want to spend time with step-mom without Dad present. Our court order currently is physical custody with Mom and shared legal custody at this time. It also stipulates a 50/50 schedule where Dad forfeits time he is unavailable to exercise visitation but will spend at least 30% with child. He has not exercised this visitation right at any really regularity for over 2 years by his own choice; 1- week per quarter but has not seen him since September of 2016 as of today. I have not prevented him access to the child. Dad travels a lot for work, it would not be a pick up at after school care and Dad will be home late tonight. It would be step-mom having child for regular visitation when Dad will never be present. This could go on for months not occasionally.
Question: I want to ensure our child experiences visitation with Mom or Dad not step-parent in lieu of Dad. How can I maintain this? Side note to question: Dad is a master manipulator. Based on comments from my son's psychiatrist it is likely Dad has narcissistic personality disorder (i.e., his behavior will never stop, there is no treatment for NPD). His desire for this arrangement is purely financial. He has been trying to manipulate our child to dislike Mom since he was born. He assumed child was upset when he would leave because child did not want to be with Mom, rather than realizing the child is expressing his frustration with not understanding time and not understanding when he'll see you again.
Key point: He spends more time trying to gather information against me to use in family court than he does tracking our child's activities. He will threaten me by stating he is documenting the number of times he calls and I am keeping him from our son. He calls when we are not available for various reasons (eating dinner, doing homework, child is at sports, child is at church group, I am literally just getting him to understand his homework, etc.). He will obsessively call my home # and cell # (15 times back and forth) until I angrily pick up and say we are busy and unavailable or until he gives up or we are not even home and the mobile phone is dead. I have also told him Monday - Thursday we are too busy to have calls, any other day is great. He insists we succumb to his schedule when all he has to do it go to work in a day. Meanwhile, I work full time (scientist), parent, drive a long commute (110 miles per day), school work, family time,manage care schedule for child all year long, maintain a home single-handedly in the Sierras (maintenance, snow clearing, fire safety) etc. He refuses to accept poor planning on his part does not constitute an emergency on our part.
Psychiatrist has stated I need to limit my communication with him. It's really my only way to peace.
Please help!!
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