Does this need to be clarified?

[ProSeDadinMD]

What is the name of your state? Check my name...

Houston, we have a slight problem…

My modification order of June 6, 2007 spells out all of the changes to our previous schedule(which read strictly EOW and every Wednesdays for me, everything else for The Ex). It spells out Spring Break, X-mas/Winter Break, Thanksgiving, 4th of July(thgis one is based on when summer vacation is taken), vacations, Mothers and Fathers Days, and even sick days from school.

There is no mention anywhere about anybody’s birthdays. There is, however, this:

b) Federal Holidays – (ie Labor Day, MLK Day, President’s Day, all Monday holidays) – shall be with the party who has the child on the previous Sunday; at all other times, holidays and special days will take precedence over the ordinary schedule

The Ex is interpreting “special days” as birthdays, and while I agree with that as far as Little Miss Pro Se’s The Ex’s, and mine, everybody else’s is very subjective(as in The Ex considers L’il Sis’s extended family to be included in there, but not mine). Should we clarify this? My thought is that we could simply file a joint motion to either clarify or modify once we come to an agreement.

What say you?

 

[wileybunch]

What did you want to clarify? That "special days" includes birthdays?
Or clarify who has daughter on which birthday (ie. yours, mom's, daughter's)
But, my short answer is, yes, clarify it since you all have needed all the clarification you can get in your situation. Would ex agree for you all to modify the language and file it on your own?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Birthdays should be those who were a party to the court order - yours, the X's and little miss pro se

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

The sticky wicket is twofold as I see it.

First, if “special days” means birthdays, why is it listed under “Federal Holidays”?

And B, “special days” is very non-specific, and open for interpretation. It’s only a matter of time before The Ex decides that something like Puerto Rican Day is “special”…

 

[CJane]

The Ex considers L’il Sis’s extended family to be included in there

I say that your ex is a crazy person.

Can you imagine if ALL 3rd party family members Bdays were included in this crap?

Just for an example...

The months of Oct and Nov for me would look like this:

Oct 9
Oct 15
Oct 17
Oct 19
Nov 7
Nov 9
Nov26

I have 8 sisters if you count my step-sister (which I don't) a step-mother and step-father, a mother and father and 6 or 7 aunts and uncles on each side of the family. I have 8 nieces/nephews. My daughters have a 1/2 brother w/ME and a 1/2 sister w/Ex. My BF has 3 brothers, all of whom are married w/2 kids.

Stupidhead, having only one sibling and virtually no extended family, would NEVER have time with the kids.

Birthdays, unless specifically addressed in the order, don't count. That would be an 'as agreed upon' sort of thing.

MY order states that I get the kids on their BDays until 9pm and that I get the kids on MY birthday until 9pm. Ex gets them on HIS Bday until 9pm. EXCEPT any portion of that day that the kids should be in school.

 

[CJane]

The sticky wicket is twofold as I see it.

First, if “special days” means birthdays, why is it listed under “Federal Holidays”?

It's actually lumped in w/All Monday Holidays... which may or may not be a Federal holiday... but instead could be a day that school is closed for some other reason.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Birthdays, unless specifically addressed in the order, don't count. That would be an 'as agreed upon' sort of thing.

That was how I was interpreting it too. However…

In November, on my birthday, The Ex called me at 7pm to offer for me to come get Little Miss Pro Se for the evening. Considering the time, and the fact that it is a 2 hour round trip(so by the time we got home it would have been bedtime for her), and that the next day she needed to be back at school, this just wasn’t practical to do. However, she had already told LMPS that this was happening, resulting in a crying child.

Fast forward to this week. On Tuesday, The Ex sent me an email stating that “Just a reminder, my birthday is tomorrow so (LMPS) will be with me”. Tomorrow happened to be Wenesday, my normal midweek visit. When I spoke with her about it, she used “special days” as her justification. Again, she had already told LMPS, so rather than fight(and upset LMPS yet again), I caved on this.

I’m willing to grant that the 3 of our birthdays absolutely would be birthdays, but that would beg the question of “How do we work that with LMPS’s birthday, let her choose?”.

Hence my thoughts on clarification.

 

[CJane]

I’m willing to grant that the 3 of our birthdays absolutely would be birthdays, but that would beg the question of “How do we work that with LMPS’s birthday, let her choose?”.

Hence my thoughts on clarification.

Originally, my kids were 'assigned' to me on their BDays for 2 reasons.

1) I was originally the NCP and so 'extra days' were in MY favor.
2) Wild's Bday is Xmas eve and I already have the first 1/2 of Xmas break every year, so alternating her BDay would prevent travel on the holiday.

Here's the deal. I know you're attempting to be reasonable. But if your NuttyX (tm Casa) gets wind that you're going to cave every time you don't want to disappoint LMPS, you're toast.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Here's the deal. I know you're attempting to be reasonable. But if your NuttyX (tm Casa) gets wind that you're going to cave every time you don't want to disappoint LMPS, you're toast.

That's why i want to nip it in the bud now.

I've already responded to the email, with the suggestion that we either file a joint motion, or alternately, that I can file one and she can respond(I'm sure her head spun off when she read it). One is cheap, the other, not so much(for her at least). Either way, it will have to be clarified.

 

[CJane]

Either way, it will have to be clarified.

I dunno.

Usually I'm driving the specific orders bandwagon.

But in this case? After what you've just gone through and now that you're FINALLY getting time, and LMPS is adjusting and loving life... I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't head back to court on this issue - as long as it's really the only one you're having.

Follow your order to a T. If she denies you visitation on someone's Bday or another day she deems 'special'... log it. Eventually, you've got a contempt case. I really think that legally, that will serve you better than heading back to court this soon.

But standby for me to be disagreed with most vehemently.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

CJane, is your thought that I should continue on the assumption that “special days” does not equal birthdays, particularly in light of how it is worded in the order?

That was my initial thought, and I was going to say no to it, but I let myself be talked out of it by my fiancé, who is interpreting it to mean birthdays.

 

[CJane]

CJane, is your thought that I should continue on the assumption that “special days” does not equal birthdays, particularly in light of how it is worded in the order?

That was my initial thought, and I was going to say no to it, but I let myself be talked out of it by my fiancé, who is interpreting it to mean birthdays.

Well, I don't wanna start an argument with your fiancee... lol.

But I think, the way it's worded, that 'special days' could easily be interpreted to mean Mondays off from school that aren't federal holidays.

And that is how I would interpret it until a court ordered otherwise... and I would let THAT motion be filed by the ex after YOU follow the order EXACTLY.

 

[StampGirl]

Our order states that the kids spend my bday with me and the ex's with him. We swap out every other year for the kids bdays. Like we do holidays. Odd years are mine, Even years are his etc.

 

[wileybunch]

I would approach her to change the language so that birthdays are specified -- you get DD on yours, she gets DD on hers, and you alternate each year who has DD on her birthday (you in odd years, mom in even years or vice versa). I would also clarify that "special days" are days that school is planned not to be in session for reasons other than holidays such as staff development. If you two can agree on some language, you can file this together and have a judge sign off without appearing (at least in my state you can -- you can check w/your court clerk's office).

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I would approach her to change the language so that birthdays are specified -- you get DD on yours, she gets DD on hers, and you alternate each year who has DD on her birthday (you in odd years, mom in even years or vice versa). I would also clarify that "special days" are days that school is planned not to be in session for reasons other than holidays such as staff development. If you two can agree on some language, you can file this together and have a judge sign off without appearing (at least in my state you can -- you can check w/your court clerk's office).

That's what I'm hoping can occur. However, knowing The Ex, it will have to turn ugly first...

In MD, you absolutely can do that.

CJane, I agree about how it's worded.