Dropping off kids with the new boyfriend.

[Joshuakovan]

I live in California.

Do I have to drop my kids off with wifes new boyfriend? No papers have been filed. Just a schedule agreement between us.
It's been 21 days since I moved out. She has been holding filing the papers over my head but has yet to do so. She moved a new guy in the first week. We came to a 50/50 custody agreement. She will be at work when I'm supposed to drop the kids off and I'm to leave them with her boyfriend. I asked to keep them the couple extra hours she won't be there and she refused saying she wants to see them on her lunch break. Saying "if" we had papers filed it would be illegal of me to keep them these extra hours. She also says its abusive of me.

 

[CdwJava]

If there is no court order, than you do not HAVE to do anything. Though, she may run swiftly to court and obtain at least temporary orders providing her with primary custody until a hearing down the road. And, even then, the court process may take a loooong time, and they will almost certainly send you to a mediator.

Have you considered filing for custody, first?

 

[LdiJ]

I live in California.

Do I have to drop my kids off with wifes new boyfriend? No papers have been filed. Just a schedule agreement between us.
It's been 21 days since I moved out. She has been holding filing the papers over my head but has yet to do so. She moved a new guy in the first week. We came to a 50/50 custody agreement. She will be at work when I'm supposed to drop the kids off and I'm to leave them with her boyfriend. I asked to keep them the couple extra hours she won't be there and she refused saying she wants to see them on her lunch break. Saying "if" we had papers filed it would be illegal of me to keep them these extra hours. She also says its abusive of me.

To be honest, the fact that you came to a 50/50 agreement that quickly is a real blessing and an indication that a decent co-relationship is possible. If the only objection you have to the new boyfriend is the fact that he is a new boyfriend, then you might want to reconsider rocking the boat at this point. Some day you will have a new woman in your life and you won't like it if mom refuses to drop the children off with her when you are not home, if it just going to be a few hours.

However, if you have other reasons, valid ones to object to the boyfriend then its time to get court orders into place.

 

[Just Blue]

I live in California.

Do I have to drop my kids off with wifes new boyfriend? No papers have been filed. Just a schedule agreement between us.
It's been 21 days since I moved out. She has been holding filing the papers over my head but has yet to do so. She moved a new guy in the first week. We came to a 50/50 custody agreement. She will be at work when I'm supposed to drop the kids off and I'm to leave them with her boyfriend. I asked to keep them the couple extra hours she won't be there and she refused saying she wants to see them on her lunch break. Saying "if" we had papers filed it would be illegal of me to keep them these extra hours. She also says its abusive of me.

File for divorce and custody of the children with a "no paramour" order.

 

[HRZ]

You would be smart to get counsel rather soon as to the big whole picture of divorce and property distribution as well as custody and support especially if you both own the home .

ITs great that you can agree on 50/50 but apparently she wants to determine how to define 50/50 ...and her view of what is "illegal" is just the tip of the problems ahead .

 

[LdiJ]

You would be smart to get counsel rather soon as to the big whole picture of divorce and property distribution as well as custody and support especially if you both own the home .

ITs great that you can agree on 50/50 but apparently she wants to determine how to define 50/50 ...and her view of what is "illegal" is just the tip of the problems ahead .

Except that she was right on what she called "illegal" although that was a poor choice of wording. If the custody orders said that the children were to be returned at 1:00 PM and dad wanted to keep them until 4:00 PM (for example) that would be a willful violation of the court orders unless mom agreed. The abusive part is likely poor choice of wording as well unless dad was being much less polite than he indicated.

 

[Just Blue]

Except that she was right on what she called "illegal" although that was a poor choice of wording. If the custody orders said that the children were to be returned at 1:00 PM and dad wanted to keep them until 4:00 PM (for example) that would be a willful violation of the court orders unless mom agreed. The abusive part is likely poor choice of wording as well unless dad was being much less polite than he indicated.

Reread the OP LD...There is no custody order. Just an agreement between OP and wife. So...NO. He does not have to drop the kids off with the boyfriend. And I were him I wouldn't do it. Frankly the wife is being a terrible mother by having her BF around the children when OP and wife just split up 3 weeks ago.

 

[Zigner]

The OP needs to make sure a "right of first refusal" clause is built in to whatever orders eventually come about. That way they will both have the right to keep the children in situations such as the OP describes until the other party returns.

 

[stealth2]

Reread the OP LD...There is no custody order. Just an agreement between OP and wife. So...NO. He does not have to drop the kids off with the boyfriend. And I were him I wouldn't do it. Frankly the wife is being a terrible mother by having her BF around the children when OP and wife just split up 3 weeks ago.

I think LDi was referring to the "if" part OP mentioned. IF there were orders, Mom would be right, despite poor word choice.

 

[LdiJ]

I think LDi was referring to the "if" part OP mentioned. IF there were orders, Mom would be right, despite poor word choice.

Yes, that is exactly what I was referring to.

 

[AshlynM9093]

Reread the OP LD...There is no custody order. Just an agreement between OP and wife. So...NO. He does not have to drop the kids off with the boyfriend. And I were him I wouldn't do it. Frankly the wife is being a terrible mother by having her BF around the children when OP and wife just split up 3 weeks ago.

I agree with this completely actually! The mother should not have a new boyfriend around the kids so soon. She should wait until they are together longer to introduce her boyfriend to her children and possibly til the divorce is final so it’s lets confusing and traumatic to the kids. The court will think so as well. It is unstable to have another man in your kids lives so soon after their dad left. Also the fact that y’all aren’t actually divorced yet will make it look so much worse on her. The court deeply frowns upon new boyfriend/girlfriends during divorce cases. It can cause the children emotional stress. And after all, if y’all were to ever go to court and have to fight it out, they are going to grant custody based on the best interest of the child. I can post a hundred different links on things like this if anyone wants to disagree. I also saw someone post and say that you needed to be leniant on her new boyfriend because someday you will have a girlfriend that you want to introduce to the children but that is so off putting. No. You are absolutely normal for not wanting to drop your children off with a man that has been with your wife for as little as 3 weeks. You know absolutely nothing about him and in my opinion, he has no right to be alone with your kids yet. If it were later into their relationship and y’all had been separated for a while or divorced already and he has been around your kids for a long time then I wouldn’t be saying this. It would be different. Because by then you would more than likely know him and how he is around your kids. But that’s not the case. I would have the SAME Doubts that You have. If y’all get along good then I would suggest talking to her about it. And she should understand your concern to have another man that you don’t really know around your kids. And if that doesn’t work and you are truly still concerned about it then I would make it a court matter and legally make a schedule. Having said that..... I’ve seen this exact case before. My sister actually. I live in a different state than you so it may be different, but my sister and her husband got a divorce. They had a 6 year old daughter together. They were separated for a while before the custody court date finally came. Within that time, my sisters ex husband got another girlfriend. They went to court and the judge awarded them joint custody. My sister told the judge that she didn’t want her ex husbands girlfriend to be alone with their daughter. She said that she can be around her daughter when her ex husband is present, but said that she didnt want his girlfriend to be alone with her daughter until they were married, and the judge ruled in her favor. She said that she didn’t know anything about her husbands new girlfriend and didn’t want her alone with her daughter. So how his girlfriend can’t be alone with her unless they are married..... so yes, you do have rights when it comes to that. ESPECIALLY if any of your kids are girls. Him being a guy and them being girls will seriously be taken into consideration. I’m just saying. I’m not telling you to go to court and fight this crazy battle or anything. So don’t think that. I’m just saying, you are definitely not being abusive at all!!! you should know your rights when it comes to your kids. And you have every right to be concerned about them and every right to know who they are around.