Educational Neglect???

[theDriver]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Hello all, I'm a father of two. I'm considering an attempt at custody modification on the grounds of educational neglect. My ex-wife and I have two children. They are 11 and 8. My 8 year old daughter's grades aren't bad to be honest but since January she has been tardy 18 times and absent 3. She doesn't appear to be affected at the moment. I fear that she may very well be affected when her schedule gets more complicated in Jr. High in two years. My son, the 11 yo, is in junior high and is BARELY passing. He's got 12 "exused" absences and 18 (spread between classes) unexcused. He has 9 tardies in first period. 2 in second (because he missed first all together). For example, today I needed to drop him off at his mother's in the morning instead of at school. She had 30 minutes to literally drive him down the street. It didn't happen so he missed first period and was late to second. I've got recordings of my daughter calling me at 10:30 at night on a school night because she's watching a movie. I've got emails from his teachers telling me he occasionally falls asleep in class, that he's going to need tutoring because he missed the state benchmark, etc.

In Texas, I've heard that you almost have to have pictures of her coming out of a crack house with her pimp waiting in the car and your kids in the back seat. I don't want to go in there just to make a good show or for her to get a slap on the hand and a "good talking to". The other day, she asked me if I wanted to take my son for a while (a week or so) because she was tired. I picked him up that night. It's the last 9 week session in school. I am now driving nearly 30 miles to drop my son off at school and pick him up (ask me if I'm losing money at work.. lol). I'll do whatever I have to do to keep him from failing... but I feel so hopeless at times.

The other day, she emailed me to have me STOP emailing\talking to his teachers. I've been confronted before for asking the school for records. She works part time for the school and "found out". lol... o boy.

Do I even have a case?

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Hello all, I'm a father of two. I'm considering an attempt at custody modification on the grounds of educational neglect. My ex-wife and I have two children. They are 11 and 8. My 8 year old daughter's grades aren't bad to be honest but since January she has been tardy 18 times and absent 3. She doesn't appear to be affected at the moment. I fear that she may very well be affected when her schedule gets more complicated in Jr. High in two years. My son, the 11 yo, is in junior high and is BARELY passing. He's got 12 "exused" absences and 18 (spread between classes) unexcused. He has 9 tardies in first period. 2 in second (because he missed first all together). For example, today I needed to drop him off at his mother's in the morning instead of at school. She had 30 minutes to literally drive him down the street. It didn't happen so he missed first period and was late to second. I've got recordings of my daughter calling me at 10:30 at night on a school night because she's watching a movie. I've got emails from his teachers telling me he occasionally falls asleep in class, that he's going to need tutoring because he missed the state benchmark, etc.

In Texas, I've heard that you almost have to have pictures of her coming out of a crack house with her pimp waiting in the car and your kids in the back seat. I don't want to go in there just to make a good show or for her to get a slap on the hand and a "good talking to". The other day, she asked me if I wanted to take my son for a while (a week or so) because she was tired. I picked him up that night. It's the last 9 week session in school. I am now driving nearly 30 miles to drop my son off at school and pick him up (ask me if I'm losing money at work.. lol). I'll do whatever I have to do to keep him from failing... but I feel so hopeless at times.

The other day, she emailed me to have me STOP emailing\talking to his teachers. I've been confronted before for asking the school for records. She works part time for the school and "found out". lol... o boy.

Do I even have a case?

What did mom say about the kids absenses when you both discussed the issue? Why do you drop him off at the house instead of taking him directly to school, or if you had to leave him at home why didn't you leave your home earlier?

 

[theDriver]

His mom asked me to drop him off at the house first because he forgot something. That she would take him from there.

When I ask about issues with school she usually gets really defensive and ends up hanging up in my face. If I ask in an email it just doesn't get responded to.

I've not called to see why he was late this last time. I'm just happy to have my son for however long I'm allowed before she wants him back. It would be bad if I start asking about tardies and absenses now.

I can say this though, just recently before spring break my sons math teacher gave him a packet to complete to raise his grade. It didn't get done. It was turned in 3 days late. The Thursday after the break. That Wednesday, he spent the first 4 periods at home completing the packet he should've completed over the break.

work with me.

 

[LdiJ]

His mom asked me to drop him off at the house first because he forgot something. That she would take him from there.

When I ask about issues with school she usually gets really defensive and ends up hanging up in my face. If I ask in an email it just doesn't get responded to.

I've not called to see why he was late this last time. I'm just happy to have my son for however long I'm allowed before she wants him back. It would be bad if I start asking about tardies and absenses now.

I can say this though, just recently before spring break my sons math teacher gave him a packet to complete to raise his grade. It didn't get done. It was turned in 3 days late. The Thursday after the break. That Wednesday, he spent the first 4 periods at home completing the packet he should've completed over the break.

work with me.

Honestly, I would place most of the blame for the bolded directly on your son. At 11, he is plenty old enough to be responsible for his homework and getting it turned in.

How do you know that he is totally innocent in the absenses and tardies?

 

[theDriver]

Because until just recently his mother has been taking him to school. He is 11. I'll give you that but he is NOT the adult. In fact, he's proved himself incapable of handling his grades on his own. In this scenario, the parent has to step up and make sure these things get turned in. You can't have TWO people in the house that don't care.

My son doesn't want to fail. He's expressed as much to me. He's ready to fight... but he's in way over his head and it appears that he's by himself on this thing... or has been thus far.

 

[CJane]

So, in the future, when he "forgets" something, YOU drive him to school and tell Mom that whatever that "something" is can be dropped off at the school when she finds time.

 

[jules2]

Because until just recently his mother has been taking him to school. He is 11. I'll give you that but he is NOT the adult. In fact, he's proved himself incapable of handling his grades on his own. In this scenario, the parent has to step up and make sure these things get turned in. You can't have TWO people in the house that don't care.

My son doesn't want to fail. He's expressed as much to me. He's ready to fight... but he's in way over his head and it appears that he's by himself on this thing... or has been thus far.

I'm a seventh grade math teacher...

No kid wants to fail. Some just get so far behind they don't know how to catch up, and without good study skills and support from parents it takes a LOT of personal drive. Sounds like he needs to learn how to go it on his own, since mom isn't going to help or maybe doesn't know how.

If he really wants to work on his grade HE needs to take responsibility. HE needs to make sure he gets his homework done. HE needs to ask for help from teachers. HE needs to make sure he is on time. If the school is right down the street, why doesn't he walk or ride his bike?

While parents should take some responsibility, at 11 he knows what he is supposed to do. He needs to go in early for extra help. He needs to stay after for tutoring (if the school offers it, most do). If he can't go in early or stay late, he needs to go in at lunch for help. He needs to start doing his work and understand his grade will not automatically go up - that it is an uphill battle an at this point in the year it will be near impossible to fix his grades.

He should focus on learning what he can now, especially in math, because it will affect how far behind he is next year.

 

[cyjeff]

His mom asked me to drop him off at the house first because he forgot something. That she would take him from there.

When I ask about issues with school she usually gets really defensive and ends up hanging up in my face. If I ask in an email it just doesn't get responded to.

I've not called to see why he was late this last time. I'm just happy to have my son for however long I'm allowed before she wants him back. It would be bad if I start asking about tardies and absenses now.

I can say this though, just recently before spring break my sons math teacher gave him a packet to complete to raise his grade. It didn't get done. It was turned in 3 days late. The Thursday after the break. That Wednesday, he spent the first 4 periods at home completing the packet he should've completed over the break.

work with me.

Not a lot to work with.

You either talk to mom about it or you go back to court to gain custody based upon the scholastic record.

Which way you going, cowboy?

 

[stealth2]

I'll be honest - I have always been very hands-off when it comes to homework because it IS the kids responsibility. Obviously, I helped more in the lower grades, but by middle school (aka Jr High)? Nope. And we had some hairy moments.

And if the school is just down the street? The kid can walk there. Seriously. Or, you could have stopped by the house, had him run in and get what he forgot, and drop him off at school - just down the road wouldn't have caused you to be much later to work.

 

[theDriver]

Not a lot to work with.

You either talk to mom about it or you go back to court to gain custody based upon the scholastic record.

Which way you going, cowboy?

To court. I know what I have to do... just going to do it.

 

[theDriver]

I'll be honest - I have always been very hands-off when it comes to homework because it IS the kids responsibility. Obviously, I helped more in the lower grades, but by middle school (aka Jr High)? Nope. And we had some hairy moments.

And if the school is just down the street? The kid can walk there. Seriously. Or, you could have stopped by the house, had him run in and get what he forgot, and drop him off at school - just down the road wouldn't have caused you to be much later to work.

Was trying to keep the peace. That was my thought... run in and out. Didn't want an altercation. Next time.

 

[theDriver]

I'll be honest - I have always been very hands-off when it comes to homework because it IS the kids responsibility. Obviously, I helped more in the lower grades, but by middle school (aka Jr High)? Nope. And we had some hairy moments.

And if the school is just down the street? The kid can walk there. Seriously. Or, you could have stopped by the house, had him run in and get what he forgot, and drop him off at school - just down the road wouldn't have caused you to be much later to work.

You are absolutely right.... but he's not been forced to study really. She's a non-structure type. I've learned through this week of taking him to school he has ABSOLUTLEY no study habits.

Good thing is... he's getting on board with it. He told me he doesn't like not being able to raise his hand. He was actually angry the other day when a test got pushed back because "I was ready to go in there and get my 'A' ". He's never said that. Just have to convince her to let me hold on to him till school's out. His improvement is my ammo. That and the past failures, emails from teachers, recorded calls (i know that's evil) etc.

 

[Humusluvr]

I was just perusing by this thread while I'm multi-tasking on my homework. I'm reading about a theory called "learned helplessness." Basically it seems like both your child and your ex are exhibiting learned helplessness. Your child in that he acts helpless, like he can't do his homework on his own, or get to school on time. There have been no consequences up until this point, just sliding grades. His mom is not making consequences, she is acting like a "non-parent." She is facilitating him being helpless in his work and his time management.

It sounds like it's time for you to step up and be the parent. You need to impose the consequences for bad grades and bad time-management. It may not make you the fun parent, but it does make you the responsible one. In the end, your kids, the school, and society will thank you for making your children take care of business. Learned helplessness leads to people in society who are slugs and can't take care of themselves. Nobody likes a slug.

 

[theDriver]

I was just perusing by this thread while I'm multi-tasking on my homework. I'm reading about a theory called "learned helplessness." Basically it seems like both your child and your ex are exhibiting learned helplessness. Your child in that he acts helpless, like he can't do his homework on his own, or get to school on time. There have been no consequences up until this point, just sliding grades. His mom is not making consequences, she is acting like a "non-parent." She is facilitating him being helpless in his work and his time management.

It sounds like it's time for you to step up and be the parent. You need to impose the consequences for bad grades and bad time-management. It may not make you the fun parent, but it does make you the responsible one. In the end, your kids, the school, and society will thank you for making your children take care of business. Learned helplessness leads to people in society who are slugs and can't take care of themselves. Nobody likes a slug.

agreed. I've always been the disciplinarian. Sometimes I think she thinks it's a contest of sorts for popularity. That's not my thing... I still get running hugs. I'm good with that.