Ex lied about taking birth control

[meredyth]

My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend lied to him about taking her birth control, and started tracking her ovulation without letting him know. She's now given birth to the baby, and wants him to give up all of his rights, as she "just wants his money". What are the laws that deal with child support in regard to a father who has given up his legal rights, and what seems to be extortion on the account of the mother? She lives with her parents, who will provide all financial support for them both, as she refuses to get a job. She's already tried to use her pregnancy as a weapon, and we saw her drinking heavily several times while she was pregnant. We live in South Carolina, and are probably going to be heading to court soon. She started to harass me, but I only made a report, and didn't have her arrested. I don't want to think about what she'll try to do now.

 

[Ambr]

how the child came about - really isn't that important. two people consented to sex (assuming no rape charges have been filed) and a child resulted. a child is a possibility each and every time that you have sex. along with itchy things, rotting thing and deadly things.

first off, what does the dad want out of this? does he want to be part of his child's life or does he want out as quick as possible?

if he wants to be involved, he needs to establish paternity. with this, he can establish custody/visitation. this will let him be a part of his child's life. it will also bring a support obligation with it. this will be paid until the age of 18, or sometimes later - if the state allows for secondary education, or if any medical needs are there, etc.

if he doesn't want to be involved and she wants him to sign away his rights, those are options. but - it is possible that the state (if she was on state assistance of any kind) could still come after him for the money the state has spent on the child being born.

 

[meredyth]

dad isn't quite sure what he wants to do yet. the problem is that he knows that the ex will do everything she can to drive a wedge between him and his family, friends, and me. most of his instincts are telling him to give up his rights. he keeps asking me for feedback, but i just keep telling him that he has to make that decision for himself. she is harassing him as well, and legally should not be contacting either of us, but that doesn't seem to stop her. bf really wants to see her declared unfit (which she absolutely is) and see the child given to a family who wants her. baby is only four days old.

 

[Ambr]

it's an iffy thing - him being afraid that she won't allow a relationship - there is not way to tell until the baby is born. maybe something will happen while she is pregnant and she will become the most agreeable, understanding person alive. maybe...

personally, a man who would give up his child, want to sherk the responsibility, and not be involved in his life - i would have to rethink my relationship with him. the one thing that i admire with my new husband is that he would do anything for his children. what happens if you keep the relationship and you have kids, will he turn his back on your children as easy.

 

[meredyth]

dad does not want to shirk his responsibilities...far from it. if the child is his, he is more than willing to pay his share of the child support. the problem is that she refuses to get a job, and it can't be accepatable that he should have to support her and the baby with her making no effort to take care of herself. she has made no effort to get herself out of her parents' home. it's not as if this happened by accident...she purposefully attempted to get herself pregnant in a bid to make him marry her, when she knew that he was working to end the relationship. doesn't that mean extortion? she is 28, he is almost 29, and i am 25..we should be able to work this out as adults, but she is refusing to bend. i am at my wits end. please help!!!

 

[DChristian]

As far as the mother not wanting to get a job, lay off of her for that. I am a stay at home mother. I collect child support and I live with my parents. I have a 21 month old and one on the way. There is nothing "unfit" about staying home with your child.
Secondly, the father cannot just take all the time in the world to decide if he wants to be there or not. Either he want s to be a father and take on responsibilities, or he does not. Either way, if he is the father (after the paternity test has been taken), he will have to pay child support if she requests it, and there is no way out unless he gets full custody.
The father needs to make up his mind pronto. This is not a " I 'll think about it" move, this is an 18 plus year responsibility to love and financial support.
Ages of 25-29, this decision should not be hard. I am only 20, and I know where I stand on being a parent, (granted the father is not all that great.)
But making claims the mother is unfit because you think she drank or cause she does not work will not hold up in court if you persist this. You need hard evidence to go along with it. The father of my child said I was unfit too, why? Have no idea, I love my child with all my heart and I stay home so I can raise her. If the mother stays home and is supported by her parents,and provides what her child needs, then there is absolutely NOTHING worng with that. If she is a good mother, takes care of her child, and loves her child, that is all that is important. Not if she works 8 plus hours a day. And those mothers who do work, nothing wrong with that either. As long as they love their child(ren).
The father needs to hurry up and think this through. This cannot be a "case of the ex" problem for you, he needs to decide and make him move. If he thinks the mother is unfit, tell him to bring her to court and try for custody. But do not try and get the kid to strangers. The courts only want what is in the best interests of the child. SO rememebr, this is not a game and this is not about how much you dislike the ex. They were responsible enough to have sex, tell him to take the next responsible step and be in his child's life, otherwise he may regret it later on, and you can never get all those memories back. (the father of my child is going through all the guilt now.)
It is for the child, if nothing else.
A child needs BOTH parents no matter how much they dislike eachother!

[Edited by DChristian on 06-30-2001 at 04:14 PM]