As far as the mother not wanting to get a job, lay off of her for that. I am a stay at home mother. I collect child support and I live with my parents. I have a 21 month old and one on the way. There is nothing "unfit" about staying home with your child.
Secondly, the father cannot just take all the time in the world to decide if he wants to be there or not. Either he want s to be a father and take on responsibilities, or he does not. Either way, if he is the father (after the paternity test has been taken), he will have to pay child support if she requests it, and there is no way out unless he gets full custody.
The father needs to make up his mind pronto. This is not a " I 'll think about it" move, this is an 18 plus year responsibility to love and financial support.
Ages of 25-29, this decision should not be hard. I am only 20, and I know where I stand on being a parent, (granted the father is not all that great.)
But making claims the mother is unfit because you think she drank or cause she does not work will not hold up in court if you persist this. You need hard evidence to go along with it. The father of my child said I was unfit too, why? Have no idea, I love my child with all my heart and I stay home so I can raise her. If the mother stays home and is supported by her parents,and provides what her child needs, then there is absolutely NOTHING worng with that. If she is a good mother, takes care of her child, and loves her child, that is all that is important. Not if she works 8 plus hours a day. And those mothers who do work, nothing wrong with that either. As long as they love their child(ren).
The father needs to hurry up and think this through. This cannot be a "case of the ex" problem for you, he needs to decide and make him move. If he thinks the mother is unfit, tell him to bring her to court and try for custody. But do not try and get the kid to strangers. The courts only want what is in the best interests of the child. SO rememebr, this is not a game and this is not about how much you dislike the ex. They were responsible enough to have sex, tell him to take the next responsible step and be in his child's life, otherwise he may regret it later on, and you can never get all those memories back. (the father of my child is going through all the guilt now.)
It is for the child, if nothing else.
A child needs BOTH parents no matter how much they dislike eachother!
[Edited by DChristian on 06-30-2001 at 04:14 PM]