Father entering child's life for the first time

[kdemedici]

State: Massachusetts (mother resides) - Wisconsin (father resides)

I am a single mother living in Massachusetts. The father of my 1 year old left as soon as I told him I was pregnant in the summer of 2016. He was going to school in Massachusetts but is originally from Illinois and is currently residing in Wisconsin. I just recently got into contact with him after he ignored and blocked me through social media for the past year and a half. I actually had to contact his sister in law on Facebook because he was ignoring me in all other forms of communication. It wasn't until I messaged her and his mother trying to find him that he finally texted me (asking me to stop messaging his family).

His entire family does not know about our daughter (well, now his sister in law and brother do). I have text messages from him admitting he ignored me and that he was aware he had a child. I am just curious what my options would be if he tries to go through court to get some sort of custody/visitation. Would he have to file in Massachusetts or can he file in his state? Currently, there is no child support or visitation set up. He is not even on the birth certificate. He has not contributed anything financially.

I know first paternity has to be established by the court, but I want a realistic idea of what a judge would give him as far as time with her since he hasn't been involved at all and is out of state.

Thank you in advance.

 

[LdiJ]

State: Massachusetts (mother resides) - Wisconsin (father resides)

I am a single mother living in Massachusetts. The father of my 1 year old left as soon as I told him I was pregnant in the summer of 2016. He was going to school in Massachusetts but is originally from Illinois and is currently residing in Wisconsin. I just recently got into contact with him after he ignored and blocked me through social media for the past year and a half. I actually had to contact his sister in law on Facebook because he was ignoring me in all other forms of communication. It wasn't until I messaged her and his mother trying to find him that he finally texted me (asking me to stop messaging his family).

His entire family does not know about our daughter (well, now his sister in law and brother do). I have text messages from him admitting he ignored me and that he was aware he had a child. I am just curious what my options would be if he tries to go through court to get some sort of custody/visitation. Would he have to file in Massachusetts or can he file in his state? Currently, there is no child support or visitation set up. He is not even on the birth certificate. He has not contributed anything financially.

I know first paternity has to be established by the court, but I want a realistic idea of what a judge would give him as far as time with her since he hasn't been involved at all and is out of state.

Thank you in advance.

He would have to file in your state, because that is the state of the child's residence.

He would have to start out visiting in your community. Initially it would be supervised by you until the child had a chance to get comfortable with him. Then it would progress to visits outside of your presence and eventually overnights. Depending on how old the child gets before he does anything would determine how long he had to visit in your community. An older child would tend to adjust more quickly than a younger one.

Eventually he would get standard long distance visitation. Every other Thanksgiving, a week at Christmas, every or every other Spring break and anywhere from 1/2 to 3/4ths of the summer. Sometimes long weekends factor in too, depending on how far the distance actually ends up being.

 

[Ohiogal]

He would have to file in your state, because that is the state of the child's residence.

He would have to start out visiting in your community. Initially it would be supervised by you until the child had a chance to get comfortable with him. Then it would progress to visits outside of your presence and eventually overnights. Depending on how old the child gets before he does anything would determine how long he had to visit in your community. An older child would tend to adjust more quickly than a younger one.

Eventually he would get standard long distance visitation. Every other Thanksgiving, a week at Christmas, every or every other Spring break and anywhere from 1/2 to 3/4ths of the summer. Sometimes long weekends factor in too, depending on how far the distance actually ends up being.

You don't know that for sure. You have no clue what a Massachusetts judge will do. So quite frankly, you need to not respond. Have you even looked at what standard long distance visitation in Massachusetts is or if even exists?

 

[Ohiogal]

Ignore LDiJ and start with this:
https://www.mass.gov/guides/massachusetts-law-about-child-custody-and-parenting-time

Look primarily at section 31.

 

[HRZ]

HE is not obligated to pay a dime until you get a court order in place to do so...get started today?

BTW MA is one of the states that includes a duty to pay for college is such is in child's future .

 

[Just Blue]

State: Massachusetts (mother resides) - Wisconsin (father resides)

I am a single mother living in Massachusetts. The father of my 1 year old left as soon as I told him I was pregnant in the summer of 2016. He was going to school in Massachusetts but is originally from Illinois and is currently residing in Wisconsin. I just recently got into contact with him after he ignored and blocked me through social media for the past year and a half. I actually had to contact his sister in law on Facebook because he was ignoring me in all other forms of communication. It wasn't until I messaged her and his mother trying to find him that he finally texted me (asking me to stop messaging his family).

His entire family does not know about our daughter (well, now his sister in law and brother do). I have text messages from him admitting he ignored me and that he was aware he had a child. I am just curious what my options would be if he tries to go through court to get some sort of custody/visitation. Would he have to file in Massachusetts or can he file in his state? Currently, there is no child support or visitation set up. He is not even on the birth certificate. He has not contributed anything financially.

I know first paternity has to be established by the court, but I want a realistic idea of what a judge would give him as far as time with her since he hasn't been involved at all and is out of state.

Thank you in advance.

File for child support (your child has a right to be supported by both parents) and custody (child also has a right to have both parents in his/her life). In my opinion a very young child has an easier time adapting to people then an older child. Massachusetts Courts are open to co-parenting and don't micro-manage how that is done. IN guidelines has no bearing whatsoevah) ) in a Mass Court.

 

[Just Blue]

HE is not obligated to pay a dime until you get a court order in place to do so...get started today?

BTW MA is one of the states that includes a duty to pay for college is such is in child's future .

Pay a PORTION of college expenses IF the child attends. And no judge will make such an order if the NCP is unable to pay.

 

[HRZ]

I think the issues in MA are two fold...and change..and may change by the time this child is ready for college .

ONe ..basic CS extends past 18 if in college

TWo MA has its own rules, formulas and caps as to college ...currently pegged to in state costs at U Mass Amherst ...and something akin to 1/ 3 / 1/3 / 1/3

...so far nobody has addressed dad's ability to pay. ..but until Mom gets things in place, he won't owe a dime and I doubt its retroactive in MA .

 

[Just Blue]

I think the issues in MA are two fold...and change..and may change by the time this child is ready for college .

ONe ..basic CS extends past 18 if in college

TWo MA has its own rules, formulas and caps as to college ...currently pegged to in state costs at U Mass Amherst ...and something akin to 1/ 3 / 1/3 / 1/3

...so far nobody has addressed dad's ability to pay. ..but until Mom gets things in place, he won't owe a dime and I doubt its retroactive in MA .

Yes. CS will extend past 18 IF the child attends university/college. I "think" U-Mass is next to free if the "child" has a moderate/high GPA... will check that out and see if it is still applicable.

 

[HRZ]

QUite frankly I don't think MA taxpayers should underwrite the costs that should be paid by out of state parent .

And the MA CAP is figured on U Mass posted costs...whether or not child attends college there or aid package or picks some other college, if any , is premature THe legal formulas and the social engineering of financial aid are unlikely to be in perfect harmony now or then.

FOr now the OP might concentrate on getting Dad under order to pay, consistent with MAs determination of ability etc.

 

[HRZ]

BTW... OP, I many need to be correct earlier post...apparently MA does allow unwed parent to seek retroactive child support ...at least check out the issues and get started.

 

[kdemedici]

File for child support (your child has a right to be supported by both parents) and custody (child also has a right to have both parents in his/her life). In my opinion a very young child has an easier time adapting to people then an older child. Massachusetts Courts are open to co-parenting and don't micro-manage how that is done. LDij likes to spout IN guidelines ...That has no bearing whatsoevah) ) in a Mass Court.

Would your best recommendation be to try and work it out without the court system or am I better off going directly there first? Currently I am trying to be civil and see if he even wants to be involved in our daughter's life. I am more than willing to have him see her and visit with her as often as he likes as long as it works out well with both of our schedules. Am I hurting myself (if I file for CS in the future) if I don't immediately go for child support and just try to make an agreement between the two of us? Thank you!

 

[Just Blue]

Would your best recommendation be to try and work it out without the court system or am I better off going directly there first? Currently I am trying to be civil and see if he even wants to be involved in our daughter's life. I am more than willing to have him see her and visit with her as often as he likes as long as it works out well with both of our schedules. Am I hurting myself (if I file for CS in the future) if I don't immediately go for child support and just try to make an agreement between the two of us? Thank you!

Court orders are everyone friend.

With that said...IMPO...File for paternity. That way there will be no question of who is Dad.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Would your best recommendation be to try and work it out without the court system or am I better off going directly there first? Currently I am trying to be civil and see if he even wants to be involved in our daughter's life. I am more than willing to have him see her and visit with her as often as he likes as long as it works out well with both of our schedules. Am I hurting myself (if I file for CS in the future) if I don't immediately go for child support and just try to make an agreement between the two of us? Thank you!

Well, currently he's acting like you're a crazy ex-girlfriend harassing him and his family, and the longer you wait the greater the probability that another ex-girlfriend will show up wanting child support.

Stop trying to be nice. He clearly doesn't appreciate your gestures. You won't get anything until you have court orders.

 

[kdemedici]

Well, currently he's acting like you're a crazy ex-girlfriend harassing him and his family, and the longer you wait the greater the probability that another ex-girlfriend will show up wanting child support.

Stop trying to be nice. He clearly doesn't appreciate your gestures. You won't get anything until you have court orders.

That's the thing... I don't want anything from him. I only wanted my daughter to be recognized by his family. I don't need his money (although if he wants to be part of her life, you bet I'll file for CS). I'm worried that if I file for child support then he will go for custody/visitation to be spiteful.