General Questions about Motion for Order to Show Cause and change Placement/Custody

[jeremyc1979]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WISCONSIN

I have several issues/questions:

I have recorded evidence that I have to submit with a Motion to Show Cause and Modify Placement/Custody.

What is the proper way to include this with the Motion?
How do I label it?
How do I outline/label the evidence in my Motion?

My ex-wife has mental issues that I believe affect her parenting. I even have her recorded telling her current husband she has "severe multiple personality disorder".

Is that something that I can require she provides in my Interrogatories/Motion for Discovery?
Or, is that something I state in the Motion as a concern?

My ex-wife has contacted the Department of Children and Family Services 4 times in the past 5 years and had at least 5 "Wellness Checks" done by local authorities.

Do I need to subpeona someone to verify the reports?
Or, would the reports themselves just need to be filed?

My ex-wife filed for a Restraining/Protective Order on behalf of my children against me 3 months ago. This was Dismissed due to "Lack of Evidence" and the Judge stated that he felt she was only trying to get different end results than the local Sheriffs Dept., DCFS, and our Family Court have given her. There was a Guardian Ad Litem appointed who did a very in depth investigation. I would like to request this GAL(yes he does offer his services in the County of our original jurisdiction).

Can I request that he be appointed?
Would I request this in my Motion?

Lastly... We were just in Court May '17. We were warned that the children use our "High Conflict" divorce against us. We were Ordered to not withhold the children. She has done this four times since then. Contacted DCFS who did an investigation that resulted in being "unfounded". Filed for the Restraining Order. She was also recorded the day of the Hearing(right after it) stating facts of the Hearing to our two children(ages 11 and 14), she also refers to our son as her "F****** son".

Would the totality of all the above mentioned issues make requiring "Supervised" visits a reasonable request, or, make it seem as though I am being trite?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WISCONSIN

I have several issues/questions:

I have recorded evidence that I have to submit with a Motion to Show Cause and Modify Placement/Custody.

To what rule are you referring that you HAVE to submit it with your motion to show cause? Do you have an affidavit?

What is the proper way to include this with the Motion?
How do I label it?
How do I outline/label the evidence in my Motion?

You can reference it in your affidavit.

My ex-wife has mental issues that I believe affect her parenting. I even have her recorded telling her current husband she has "severe multiple personality disorder".

Wait a minute. How did you get this recording when you weren't a party to conversation? Did you have their consent to record them? Did they know you were recording and grant you permission?

Is that something that I can require she provides in my Interrogatories/Motion for Discovery?
Or, is that something I state in the Motion as a concern?

You are in over your head.

My ex-wife has contacted the Department of Children and Family Services 4 times in the past 5 years and had at least 5 "Wellness Checks" done by local authorities.

Okay.

Do I need to subpeona someone to verify the reports?
Or, would the reports themselves just need to be filed?

Read the rules of evidence. Read the rules of procedure.

My ex-wife filed for a Restraining/Protective Order on behalf of my children against me 3 months ago. This was Dismissed due to "Lack of Evidence" and the Judge stated that he felt she was only trying to get different end results than the local Sheriffs Dept., DCFS, and our Family Court have given her. There was a Guardian Ad Litem appointed who did a very in depth investigation. I would like to request this GAL(yes he does offer his services in the County of our original jurisdiction).

Can I request that he be appointed?
Would I request this in my Motion?

Have you read the statutes regarding a motion to show cause? The rules regarding evidence? The rules regarding procedure? The local rules? Any of them? You need to educate yourself.

Lastly... We were just in Court May '17. We were warned that the children use our "High Conflict" divorce against us. We were Ordered to not withhold the children. She has done this four times since then. Contacted DCFS who did an investigation that resulted in being "unfounded". Filed for the Restraining Order. She was also recorded the day of the Hearing(right after it) stating facts of the Hearing to our two children(ages 11 and 14), she also refers to our son as her "F****** son".

Would the totality of all the above mentioned issues make requiring "Supervised" visits a reasonable request, or, make it seem as though I am being trite?

Sounds like you and mom don't want to put the children first and you will be in court until the youngest becomes an adult. Good grief.

 

[jeremyc1979]

The "Rule" was that the Judge stated he wanted ALL evidence filed at the time of any Motions being filed from May '17 and on or he would reject the Motion.

I do not have any affidavits if you are referring to witness statements. I have already prepared my Motion and have my evidence gathered.

The recording was done by my daughter when she was playing with her step-dads phone. The phone wound up at my home almost a year later. My youngest, not in common with my ex-wife, threw the phone and shattered the screen. I removed the sd card(you can never have too many sd cards) and kept it in a container with a bunch of other SD cards. A few months later I was going through them to find one to use and found the recordings on there.

Interrogatories/Motion for Discovery may be over my head but I do know I have a right to request she answer/provide these things before a Hearing. That the Interrogatories must be pertinent to the matter. I have researched a lot of different examples most of which I just reworded the questions to fit the situation. They all pertain to either work(current and past two years), my children's school absences(I have received truancy warning letters for both the children every year the past 4 years), how many appointments for our children's doctors she has either missed or rescheduled(A problem that I get a call about from their doctors every 4-6 months), and the times she has refused me placement. The Discovery I want is for anything she plans on presenting document wise, for her to provide copies of attendance records for school/doctors, and I would like her mental health records brought in for the Court to determine if she in fact has ones that diminish her capacities as a parent.

I have read the Rules of Evidence/Procedure for the County and for the State. I have made sure to educate myself, I have been filing my own Motions since 2009. None of which state that, with a Motion to Request Appointment of a GAL, I can request a specific one.

Not putting my children first? That seems as though you are trying to make a generalization of the type of parent I am based off what I have described here, none of which describes my behavior towards my children.

So YOU can be educated...
I drive my children 45 miles to school on the overnights I have them.
In the past four years I have not missed any events.
My children and I attend church regularly and they are active in our church's Youth Group.
I have never been late for an exchange.
I have never denyed her placement time.
I have never contacted DCFS or the Police on her.
I have supported my children's relationship with their mother and step-dad.
Everything I do is an attempt to better my children's lives.
Unfortunately, my ex-wifes actions have been counter productive to what is in the best interest of our children.
She intends on switching their schools even though there is a Court Order saying what school system they are to attend because SHE asked the Court to add it.
She tells them that they don't have to listen to my fiancee.
She does not inform me when she is not going to be at the exchange location(which is 45 miles from me).
She has sent Facebook messages to friends/family claiming my fiancee and I smoke, produce, and sell Meth.
She keeps them out of school without taking them to the doctor and my oldest son has gone from being a B honor roll to having 2 F's 2 D's and C's.
She tells the children I am a "Piece of s*** father".
She puts up messages on Facebook degrading me as well.
Hopefully, you sir/madam will not be so quick to cast a stone at people looking for a little bit of help for answers that are not as readily available online as the Rules governing the procedures of WI's Court Systems are. One would think, after over 58,000 posts, you wouldn't be so quick to judge. But then again, with over 58,000 posts, maybe you don't really think about what you post or maybe someone hurt you and you can't get over it. Either way, maybe try and be more respectful of people. This is a site that is supposed to be devoted to helping people, from my understanding, not give you a forum to make insulting comments to others.

 

[Zigner]

The "Rule" was that the Judge stated he wanted ALL evidence filed at the time of any Motions being filed from May '17 and on or he would reject the Motion.

I do not have any affidavits if you are referring to witness statements. I have already prepared my Motion and have my evidence gathered.

The recording was done by my daughter when she was playing with her step-dads phone. The phone wound up at my home almost a year later. My youngest, not in common with my ex-wife, threw the phone and shattered the screen. I removed the sd card(you can never have too many sd cards) and kept it in a container with a bunch of other SD cards. A few months later I was going through them to find one to use and found the recordings on there.

Interrogatories/Motion for Discovery may be over my head but I do know I have a right to request she answer/provide these things before a Hearing. That the Interrogatories must be pertinent to the matter. I have researched a lot of different examples most of which I just reworded the questions to fit the situation. They all pertain to either work(current and past two years), my children's school absences(I have received truancy warning letters for both the children every year the past 4 years), how many appointments for our children's doctors she has either missed or rescheduled(A problem that I get a call about from their doctors every 4-6 months), and the times she has refused me placement. The Discovery I want is for anything she plans on presenting document wise, for her to provide copies of attendance records for school/doctors, and I would like her mental health records brought in for the Court to determine if she in fact has ones that diminish her capacities as a parent.

I have read the Rules of Evidence/Procedure for the County and for the State. I have made sure to educate myself, I have been filing my own Motions since 2009. None of which state that, with a Motion to Request Appointment of a GAL, I can request a specific one.

Not putting my children first? That seems as though you are trying to make a generalization of the type of parent I am based off what I have described here, none of which describes my behavior towards my children.

So YOU can be educated...
I drive my children 45 miles to school on the overnights I have them.
In the past four years I have not missed any events.
My children and I attend church regularly and they are active in our church's Youth Group.
I have never been late for an exchange.
I have never denyed her placement time.
I have never contacted DCFS or the Police on her.
I have supported my children's relationship with their mother and step-dad.
Everything I do is an attempt to better my children's lives.
Unfortunately, my ex-wifes actions have been counter productive to what is in the best interest of our children.
She intends on switching their schools even though there is a Court Order saying what school system they are to attend because SHE asked the Court to add it.
She tells them that they don't have to listen to my fiancee.
She does not inform me when she is not going to be at the exchange location(which is 45 miles from me).
She has sent Facebook messages to friends/family claiming my fiancee and I smoke, produce, and sell Meth.
She keeps them out of school without taking them to the doctor and my oldest son has gone from being a B honor roll to having 2 F's 2 D's and C's.
She tells the children I am a "Piece of s*** father".
She puts up messages on Facebook degrading me as well.
Hopefully, you sir/madam will not be so quick to cast a stone at people looking for a little bit of help for answers that are not as readily available online as the Rules governing the procedures of WI's Court Systems are. One would think, after over 58,000 posts, you wouldn't be so quick to judge. But then again, with over 58,000 posts, maybe you don't really think about what you post or maybe someone hurt you and you can't get over it. Either way, maybe try and be more respectful of people. This is a site that is supposed to be devoted to helping people, from my understanding, not give you a forum to make insulting comments to others.

It's not wise to get all huffy with the site's family law attorney who is volunteering time to assist. You should probably consult with a local attorney. Good day.

 

[Just Blue]

The "Rule" was that the Judge stated he wanted ALL evidence filed at the time of any Motions being filed from May '17 and on or he would reject the Motion.

I do not have any affidavits if you are referring to witness statements. I have already prepared my Motion and have my evidence gathered.

The recording was done by my daughter when she was playing with her step-dads phone. The phone wound up at my home almost a year later. My youngest, not in common with my ex-wife, threw the phone and shattered the screen. I removed the sd card(you can never have too many sd cards) and kept it in a container with a bunch of other SD cards. A few months later I was going through them to find one to use and found the recordings on there.

Interrogatories/Motion for Discovery may be over my head but I do know I have a right to request she answer/provide these things before a Hearing. That the Interrogatories must be pertinent to the matter. I have researched a lot of different examples most of which I just reworded the questions to fit the situation. They all pertain to either work(current and past two years), my children's school absences(I have received truancy warning letters for both the children every year the past 4 years), how many appointments for our children's doctors she has either missed or rescheduled(A problem that I get a call about from their doctors every 4-6 months), and the times she has refused me placement. The Discovery I want is for anything she plans on presenting document wise, for her to provide copies of attendance records for school/doctors, and I would like her mental health records brought in for the Court to determine if she in fact has ones that diminish her capacities as a parent.

I have read the Rules of Evidence/Procedure for the County and for the State. I have made sure to educate myself, I have been filing my own Motions since 2009. None of which state that, with a Motion to Request Appointment of a GAL, I can request a specific one.

Not putting my children first? That seems as though you are trying to make a generalization of the type of parent I am based off what I have described here, none of which describes my behavior towards my children.

So YOU can be educated...
I drive my children 45 miles to school on the overnights I have them.
In the past four years I have not missed any events.
My children and I attend church regularly and they are active in our church's Youth Group.
I have never been late for an exchange.
I have never denyed her placement time.
I have never contacted DCFS or the Police on her.
I have supported my children's relationship with their mother and step-dad.
Everything I do is an attempt to better my children's lives.
Unfortunately, my ex-wifes actions have been counter productive to what is in the best interest of our children.
She intends on switching their schools even though there is a Court Order saying what school system they are to attend because SHE asked the Court to add it.
She tells them that they don't have to listen to my fiancee.
She does not inform me when she is not going to be at the exchange location(which is 45 miles from me).
She has sent Facebook messages to friends/family claiming my fiancee and I smoke, produce, and sell Meth.
She keeps them out of school without taking them to the doctor and my oldest son has gone from being a B honor roll to having 2 F's 2 D's and C's.
She tells the children I am a "Piece of s*** father".
She puts up messages on Facebook degrading me as well.
Hopefully, you sir/madam will not be so quick to cast a stone at people looking for a little bit of help for answers that are not as readily available online as the Rules governing the procedures of WI's Court Systems are. One would think, after over 58,000 posts, you wouldn't be so quick to judge. But then again, with over 58,000 posts, maybe you don't really think about what you post or maybe someone hurt you and you can't get over it. Either way, maybe try and be more respectful of people. This is a site that is supposed to be devoted to helping people, from my understanding, not give you a forum to make insulting comments to others.

How you came to have the recording will not fly in court. It reeks of BS.

 

[jeremyc1979]

I apologize if it seems "huffy". I meant it to sound "matter of fact". It seems counterproductive to have someone be a moderator when you look at, not just ohiogal's response to me but a few pages of posts, where the trend seems to be..... Ask a few questions, then throw in a comment that's only purpose is to be degrading, and intentionally insulting to those that are seeking a little advice for a system that is far from providing "equal" services to all.
"Good grief" is right, imagine a parents feelings when they are trying to protect their children from a parent that is attempting to put a wedge between them and their children only to hear someone give advice like that.
If I could afford to get the legal advice from an attorney at this point, do you honestly think I'd seek help from a forum that may, or may not, be moderated by "professional" attorneys?
It seems very unprofessional to draw a conclusion of mine, or my ex-wifes, agenda such as ohiogal did based off of the VERY limited amount of information provided in my original post. The "attitude" displayed in that reply is far from productive to the supposed "purpose" of this site and volunteers should never be allowed to behave in that manner, no matter their qualifications.
This forum may have started as a good intention, but seems to have turned into one that is allowing certain "attorneys" the ability to show how they would truly behave with clients/parents if they weren't restrained by overseeing entities that restrict their "backstage" personalities in their professional careers.
Seeing as most people who consider themselves to be professionals tend to not want to hear what they truly act like, before this thread is deleted, ohiogal I hope you take a look back at your posts and realize the only professional thing about you is a diploma on wall.
So, yes, good night.

 

[Just Blue]

I apologize if it seems "huffy". I meant it to sound "matter of fact". It seems counterproductive to have someone be a moderator when you look at, not just ohiogal's response to me but a few pages of posts, where the trend seems to be..... Ask a few questions, then throw in a comment that's only purpose is to be degrading, and intentionally insulting to those that are seeking a little advice for a system that is far from providing "equal" services to all.
"Good grief" is right, imagine a parents feelings when they are trying to protect their children from a parent that is attempting to put a wedge between them and their children only to hear someone give advice like that.
If I could afford to get the legal advice from an attorney at this point, do you honestly think I'd seek help from a forum that may, or may not, be moderated by "professional" attorneys?
It seems very unprofessional to draw a conclusion of mine, or my ex-wifes, agenda such as ohiogal did based off of the VERY limited amount of information provided in my original post. The "attitude" displayed in that reply is far from productive to the supposed "purpose" of this site and volunteers should never be allowed to behave in that manner, no matter their qualifications.
This forum may have started as a good intention, but seems to have turned into one that is allowing certain "attorneys" the ability to show how they would truly behave with clients/parents if they weren't restrained by overseeing entities that restrict their "backstage" personalities in their professional careers.
Seeing as most people who consider themselves to be professionals tend to not want to hear what they truly act like, before this thread is deleted, ohiogal I hope you take a look back at your posts and realize the only professional thing about you is a diploma on wall.
So, yes, good night.

As you don't have the temperment to go pro se (Judges are way more harsh than OG was) you should hire an attorney. Spend a day in Family Court.

 

[jeremyc1979]

Bambi.... Believe what you'd like... There are approximately 20 recordings both my children did in the presence of mom and stepdad with their very obvious knowledge and they are from 2014 one recording by her husband shows him, my ex, and her mother sitting around my son trying to convince him that things he had stated to me and were brought up to the Court never happened. I'm not sure exactly what you meant by that comment but the facts are the facts it was a deactivated phone they permitted them to use and keep. My daughter brought it to my home and left it in her toy box where my youngest got his hands on it. He is very destructive as he has emotional disregulation and is autistic. I have 6 devices in my home that require SD cards for extra storage and that one was a 16gig. I am very frugal because i live paycheck to paycheck and look to save everything that could be repurposed so why throw something that cost $30 at the time. I did however return the card to her husband because the other contents were pictures of his children and cars he had rebuilt. Mind you it was after I downloaded the videos my children made.

 

[Ohiogal]

Bambi.... Believe what you'd like... There are approximately 20 recordings both my children did in the presence of mom and stepdad with their very obvious knowledge and they are from 2014 one recording by her husband shows him, my ex, and her mother sitting around my son trying to convince him that things he had stated to me and were brought up to the Court never happened. I'm not sure exactly what you meant by that comment but the facts are the facts it was a deactivated phone they permitted them to use and keep. My daughter brought it to my home and left it in her toy box where my youngest got his hands on it. He is very destructive as he has emotional disregulation and is autistic. I have 6 devices in my home that require SD cards for extra storage and that one was a 16gig. I am very frugal because i live paycheck to paycheck and look to save everything that could be repurposed so why throw something that cost $30 at the time. I did however return the card to her husband because the other contents were pictures of his children and cars he had rebuilt. Mind you it was after I downloaded the videos my children made.

Those recordings are NOT admissible. NOT at all. Therefore you have nothing when it comes to them. NOTHING.

 

[Ohiogal]

The "Rule" was that the Judge stated he wanted ALL evidence filed at the time of any Motions being filed from May '17 and on or he would reject the Motion.

I do not have any affidavits if you are referring to witness statements. I have already prepared my Motion and have my evidence gathered.

The recording was done by my daughter when she was playing with her step-dads phone. The phone wound up at my home almost a year later. My youngest, not in common with my ex-wife, threw the phone and shattered the screen. I removed the sd card(you can never have too many sd cards) and kept it in a container with a bunch of other SD cards. A few months later I was going through them to find one to use and found the recordings on there.

Interrogatories/Motion for Discovery may be over my head but I do know I have a right to request she answer/provide these things before a Hearing. That the Interrogatories must be pertinent to the matter. I have researched a lot of different examples most of which I just reworded the questions to fit the situation. They all pertain to either work(current and past two years), my children's school absences(I have received truancy warning letters for both the children every year the past 4 years), how many appointments for our children's doctors she has either missed or rescheduled(A problem that I get a call about from their doctors every 4-6 months), and the times she has refused me placement. The Discovery I want is for anything she plans on presenting document wise, for her to provide copies of attendance records for school/doctors, and I would like her mental health records brought in for the Court to determine if she in fact has ones that diminish her capacities as a parent.

I have read the Rules of Evidence/Procedure for the County and for the State. I have made sure to educate myself, I have been filing my own Motions since 2009. None of which state that, with a Motion to Request Appointment of a GAL, I can request a specific one.

Not putting my children first? That seems as though you are trying to make a generalization of the type of parent I am based off what I have described here, none of which describes my behavior towards my children.

So YOU can be educated...
I drive my children 45 miles to school on the overnights I have them.
In the past four years I have not missed any events.
My children and I attend church regularly and they are active in our church's Youth Group.
I have never been late for an exchange.
I have never denyed her placement time.
I have never contacted DCFS or the Police on her.
I have supported my children's relationship with their mother and step-dad.
Everything I do is an attempt to better my children's lives.
Unfortunately, my ex-wifes actions have been counter productive to what is in the best interest of our children.
She intends on switching their schools even though there is a Court Order saying what school system they are to attend because SHE asked the Court to add it.
She tells them that they don't have to listen to my fiancee.
She does not inform me when she is not going to be at the exchange location(which is 45 miles from me).
She has sent Facebook messages to friends/family claiming my fiancee and I smoke, produce, and sell Meth.
She keeps them out of school without taking them to the doctor and my oldest son has gone from being a B honor roll to having 2 F's 2 D's and C's.
She tells the children I am a "Piece of s*** father".
She puts up messages on Facebook degrading me as well.
Hopefully, you sir/madam will not be so quick to cast a stone at people looking for a little bit of help for answers that are not as readily available online as the Rules governing the procedures of WI's Court Systems are. One would think, after over 58,000 posts, you wouldn't be so quick to judge. But then again, with over 58,000 posts, maybe you don't really think about what you post or maybe someone hurt you and you can't get over it. Either way, maybe try and be more respectful of people. This is a site that is supposed to be devoted to helping people, from my understanding, not give you a forum to make insulting comments to others.

In no way was I insulting to you. I pointed out that you are in over your head. An affidavit is NOT a witness statement. You can have an affidavit of things that you swear to. Those recordings are NOT admissible. And I meant what I said -- You AND mom will be back in forth to court until your youngest is 18 because you both (takes two to tango) don't want to put the children first. I cast no stones. None at all. I did say you are in over your head because YOU ARE.

 

[stealth2]

jeremy - you need to understand that those recordings will not be admitted as evidence.

 

[LdiJ]

jeremy - you need to understand that those recordings will not be admitted as evidence.

I cannot wrap myself around the fact that anybody has to even tell him that. He got those recordings by literally stealing them from someone else's sim card and thinks he can use them??!!

 

[stealth2]

I cannot wrap myself around the fact that anybody has to even tell him that. He got those recordings by literally stealing them from someone else's sim card and thinks he can use them??!!

What can I say...

 

[jeremyc1979]

OK now I'm getting some advice. Thank you. I am having a hard time understanding how it would be considered theft to download recordings my children/stepdad made off a SD card when the device was given to my children willingly and came into my possession because, not by my request, the children bring it to my home. I returned the SD card but the phone, that I was given the impression was then my daughter's, was completely destroyed and thrown away months before I realized they were on there. She even contacted the local authorities and claimed I stole the phone after I let her husband know I had the card and wanted to return it to him, according to the officer that made contact with me, they told her I can't steal something if it was given to my children and she allowed it to come to my home. That is neither here nor there. I understand YOUR points so I honestly thank you.
I understand that it takes two to tango, but I am trying everything short of signing over my Rights to ensure that my children are coming first. By our Order, neither party may go to the other parties home because she would stop by my home unannounced or not show to exchanges and threaten me with Court actions if I didn't come get them, so picking them up for school/appointments from her home is not an option. I won't even attend my children's Dr. appointments because of the way she behaves I call the doctors to find out what's happened at appointments. I am in contact with the school's administration/teachers at least once a week. I ignore her when she e-mails/texts/calls with inappropriate comments and log it into the Our Family Wizard, like what has been Ordered, to note these contacts. I ignore the comments my children make about what happens in her home. I TRY. I don't know what I can change so that my children ARE coming first by whatever definition the Courts determine that is.
But, I can't keep driving to exchanges when my children are not even there. I can't keep letting their little brother go without them either. I, long ago, stopped being emotionally affected by what she does. But my children are still being affected by her behaviors and the missing school/placement/appointments. The children have voiced that they are not happy. I do not feel that this is an attempt to use our "High Conflict" divorce against me when I have seen/heard what happens/how she behaves if there is no one around that she thinks can testify to her actions. Plus, I don't act any different with punishments/treats/behavior towards them when they make comments about what happens in their mothers home so they gain nothing by talking to me about it except someone to talk to that already talks with them about their school day/interests/boys or girls they are friends with or like/books/TV/games. I try to live our lives as though they are here everyday and the situation is not what it is. I don't hinder what they have to say because I feel, just like with mom, they should be able to talk freely about what is happening in their lives here or there. I just reply with "oh yeah?", "I'm sorry to hear that", or "well you need to let your mom know that bothers/hurts/you want" (when it is something she controls).
There is no book that teaches me/tells me "what to do next" with these situations so that I am not being selfish(?) in my actions. I don't drag her into Court every time she contacts me in a manner against the Court Order, withholds the kids, or doesn't have them in school because each time I've filed Contempt its cost me $200+ between copies/travel/service/time off work. I lose hours of sleep doing the research/filling out forms/preparing evidence at night so that these things aren't interrupting my daily life. I don't do these things for me, if I was, I would just give up and let her have them so I could go on with my life. Don't get me wrong, you are probably nice people, but I don't like lawyers/judges and I HATE Court, so it would be easier if I did give up. But, if you saw/heard the recordings from her house or the videos/voicemails I've made/received you WOULD NOT want her rearing your children because of the harm/possibility of harm it does/can cause.
So, what is the magical answer to, how do I put my children first more than I feel I am already doing? Or, what do I stop doing? Should I just sign over my Rights in the hope she only behaves like this because of her hatred for me and it will all be corrected without me in their lives? What should I tell my children? What should I tell the Court? I give up?
My Family Court Judge/Commissioner are not the King Solomon type so making a selfless sacrifice for the sake of my children is doubtful to affect them in a manner that would show how much I care for my children.
The idea of giving up is the only thing emotionally hurting me. Please help me understand what to do.

 

[CTU]

OK now I'm getting some advice. Thank you. I am having a hard time understanding how it would be considered theft to download recordings my children/stepdad made off a SD card when the device was given to my children willingly and came into my possession because, not by my request, the children bring it to my home. I returned the SD card but the phone, that I was given the impression was then my daughter's, was completely destroyed and thrown away months before I realized they were on there. She even contacted the local authorities and claimed I stole the phone after I let her husband know I had the card and wanted to return it to him, according to the officer that made contact with me, they told her I can't steal something if it was given to my children and she allowed it to come to my home. That is neither here nor there. I understand YOUR points so I honestly thank you.
I understand that it takes two to tango, but I am trying everything short of signing over my Rights to ensure that my children are coming first. By our Order, neither party may go to the other parties home because she would stop by my home unannounced or not show to exchanges and threaten me with Court actions if I didn't come get them, so picking them up for school/appointments from her home is not an option. I won't even attend my children's Dr. appointments because of the way she behaves I call the doctors to find out what's happened at appointments. I am in contact with the school's administration/teachers at least once a week. I ignore her when she e-mails/texts/calls with inappropriate comments and log it into the Our Family Wizard, like what has been Ordered, to note these contacts. I ignore the comments my children make about what happens in her home. I TRY. I don't know what I can change so that my children ARE coming first by whatever definition the Courts determine that is.
But, I can't keep driving to exchanges when my children are not even there. I can't keep letting their little brother go without them either. I, long ago, stopped being emotionally affected by what she does. But my children are still being affected by her behaviors and the missing school/placement/appointments. The children have voiced that they are not happy. I do not feel that this is an attempt to use our "High Conflict" divorce against me when I have seen/heard what happens/how she behaves if there is no one around that she thinks can testify to her actions. Plus, I don't act any different with punishments/treats/behavior towards them when they make comments about what happens in their mothers home so they gain nothing by talking to me about it except someone to talk to that already talks with them about their school day/interests/boys or girls they are friends with or like/books/TV/games. I try to live our lives as though they are here everyday and the situation is not what it is. I don't hinder what they have to say because I feel, just like with mom, they should be able to talk freely about what is happening in their lives here or there. I just reply with "oh yeah?", "I'm sorry to hear that", or "well you need to let your mom know that bothers/hurts/you want" (when it is something she controls).
There is no book that teaches me/tells me "what to do next" with these situations so that I am not being selfish(?) in my actions. I don't drag her into Court every time she contacts me in a manner against the Court Order, withholds the kids, or doesn't have them in school because each time I've filed Contempt its cost me $200+ between copies/travel/service/time off work. I lose hours of sleep doing the research/filling out forms/preparing evidence at night so that these things aren't interrupting my daily life. I don't do these things for me, if I was, I would just give up and let her have them so I could go on with my life. Don't get me wrong, you are probably nice people, but I don't like lawyers/judges and I HATE Court, so it would be easier if I did give up. But, if you saw/heard the recordings from her house or the videos/voicemails I've made/received you WOULD NOT want her rearing your children because of the harm/possibility of harm it does/can cause.
So, what is the magical answer to, how do I put my children first more than I feel I am already doing? Or, what do I stop doing? Should I just sign over my Rights in the hope she only behaves like this because of her hatred for me and it will all be corrected without me in their lives? What should I tell my children? What should I tell the Court? I give up?
My Family Court Judge/Commissioner are not the King Solomon type so making a selfless sacrifice for the sake of my children is doubtful to affect them in a manner that would show how much I care for my children.
The idea of giving up is the only thing emotionally hurting me. Please help me understand what to do.

I can't imagine why you're having so much trouble.