Girlfriend left state with kids and has had no contact for 9 days

[DadofFour]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

My girlfriend and I moved from Oklahoma to Mississippi 3 years ago. We have been living with my mom for these last 3 years. Our kids are 2 years old and 1 year old and were both born in Mississippi and have lived in Mississippi since. She has been planning a trip to Oklahoma to visit her father for sometime now and she has been gone for 9 days. She is expected to return on Monday. I have texted her to talk to the kids, I have sent messages through online messenger, and she has not returned any of my calls. We do not have a court order in place and she has no job. I am on both kids' birth certificate and my mother is the main care taker for the kids when I am working because my girlfriend does not pay attention to them. She lives on her phone and the kids are always getting into things and finding ways to get out of the house, so my mom stepped in as the caretaker to ensure that the kids are safe until I return home from work. Can she take our kids without my consent? Can I go out of state and take my kids back? I love my kids so much and not sure why she disappeared all of the sudden. Please help... Thank you.

 

[CdwJava]

Absent a court order determining paternity and and custody, it is very likely that she has every right to disappear with the children.

Since you are asking if you could go out of state and retrieve the children, it seems apparent that you know where they are and that she is simply choosing not to respond to you. If that is the case, then I suspect that no laws have been broken. To answer the question, however, you are free to go to OK and ask for the kids back, but there is nothing you can do to compel her to return the children to you. Since you have chosen to remain unmarried and there is no custody paperwork, no law enforcement official is going to simply hand the children over to you without a judge saying you have a right to them.

So, your first step may be to consult with a local MS attorney who specializes in Family Law who can steer you in the right direction with regards to filing for custody and/or visitation.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

My girlfriend and I moved from Oklahoma to Mississippi 3 years ago. We have been living with my mom for these last 3 years. Our kids are 2 years old and 1 year old and were both born in Mississippi and have lived in Mississippi since. She has been planning a trip to Oklahoma to visit her father for sometime now and she has been gone for 9 days. She is expected to return on Monday. I have texted her to talk to the kids, I have sent messages through online messenger, and she has not returned any of my calls. We do not have a court order in place and she has no job. I am on both kids' birth certificate and my mother is the main care taker for the kids when I am working because my girlfriend does not pay attention to them. She lives on her phone and the kids are always getting into things and finding ways to get out of the house, so my mom stepped in as the caretaker to ensure that the kids are safe until I return home from work. Can she take our kids without my consent? Can I go out of state and take my kids back? I love my kids so much and not sure why she disappeared all of the sudden. Please help... Thank you.

Yes, she can leave the state with the children. According to a quick google search in Mississippi an unwed mother has sole legal and physical custody until a court says differently. I would strongly recommend that you NOT attempt to go to Oklahoma and take them back because there is almost no chance that that would end well for you, and could even end up with you getting arrested for domestic violence, because she isn't going to willingly hand them over to you.

What you DO need to do, is if she does not return on Monday (at least make sure she isn't planning on coming back) then you need to get yourself an attorney and file in court, in Mississippi to establish custody. You can ask that she be ordered to return the children to Mississippi pending the outcome of the case. The judge may or may not order that.

 

[DadofFour]

Thank you. As I stated in my original post she has been planning to visit her dad in OK. The problem is that she is not responding to me and I don't know where they are at this moment. i saw her friend post something on Facebook and she was tagged in it. If she is staying with this friend, she has 3 kids, a roommate, and her mother living with her. this is only a 2 bedroom apartment and I don't know where my kids are sleeping or if they are safe. My girlfriend is mentally unstable to care for the kids herself. She has recentlt been seeing a therapist. I am going to contact an attorney Monday morning and see about obtaining an order to get them back to MS. Thank you all.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Thank you. As I stated in my original post she has been planning to visit her dad in OK. The problem is that she is not responding to me and I don't know where they are at this moment. i saw her friend post something on Facebook and she was tagged in it. If she is staying with this friend, she has 3 kids, a roommate, and her mother living with her. this is only a 2 bedroom apartment and I don't know where my kids are sleeping or if they are safe. My girlfriend is mentally unstable to care for the kids herself. She has recentlt been seeing a therapist. I am going to contact an attorney Monday morning and see about obtaining an order to get them back to MS. Thank you all.

And yet... she's the one you chose to be mother of two of your kids.

Please don't diss your current girlfriend. That attitude can carry over into court, and unless you have real proof that she is an unfit parent, that attitude will hurt you more than her.

 

[CTU]

Perhaps Mom thinks you're controlling?

 

[eerelations]

Absent a court order determining paternity and and custody, it is very likely that she has every right to disappear with the children.

Since you are asking if you could go out of state and retrieve the children, it seems apparent that you know where they are and that she is simply choosing not to respond to you. If that is the case, then I suspect that no laws have been broken. To answer the question, however, you are free to go to OK and ask for the kids back, but there is nothing you can do to compel her to return the children to you. Since you have chosen to remain unmarried and there is no custody paperwork, no law enforcement official is going to simply hand the children over to you without a judge saying you have a right to them.

So, your first step may be to consult with a local MS attorney who specializes in Family Law who can steer you in the right direction with regards to filing for custody and/or visitation.

Apparently GF and kids live with OP, so filing for custody isn't really an option.

 

[LdiJ]

Apparently GF and kids live with OP, so filing for custody isn't really an option.

It most certainly IS an option. It doesn't matter that they live together...particularly if her intent is to not return to MS.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you. As I stated in my original post she has been planning to visit her dad in OK. The problem is that she is not responding to me and I don't know where they are at this moment. i saw her friend post something on Facebook and she was tagged in it. If she is staying with this friend, she has 3 kids, a roommate, and her mother living with her. this is only a 2 bedroom apartment and I don't know where my kids are sleeping or if they are safe. My girlfriend is mentally unstable to care for the kids herself. She has recentlt been seeing a therapist. I am going to contact an attorney Monday morning and see about obtaining an order to get them back to MS. Thank you all.

I am sorry but this is just way over the top drama.

You chose her to be the mother of your children not once, but twice so trying to make her seem unfit is foolish.

Just because a friend tagged her on facebook does not in any way, shape or form indicate that she is staying with that friend...and even if she was, that would not mean that your children were unsafe.

Go see a lawyer if she doesn't return on Monday...but drop the drama. You don't need it.

 

[eerelations]

It most certainly IS an option. It doesn't matter that they live together...particularly if her intent is to not return to MS.

How do we know she isn't planning to return? Her expected return date is Monday - what if she returns then, with the kids in tow? Can he file for custody then? Why?

Or are you suggesting that he can file for custody now (on a Saturday!), just in case she doesn't return on Monday? How would that work?

 

[CdwJava]

Apparently GF and kids live with OP, so filing for custody isn't really an option.

She left the state and took the kids with her. It seems that she has decided to up and leave him. So, yes, filing for custody and/or visitation is an option. Even if she were to return to him, it might be advisable for him to at least speak with an attorney to find out the steps he can take to protect his parental rights. Though, iof she does return, he can always choose to marry her.

 

[LdiJ]

How do we know she isn't planning to return? Her expected return date is Monday - what if she returns then, with the kids in tow? Can he file for custody then? Why?

Or are you suggesting that he can file for custody now (on a Saturday!), just in case she doesn't return on Monday? How would that work?

I also specifically said that he should wait to see if she actually does not return. However, whether they live together or not, he still can file to establish custody. Them living together does not prohibit that.

 

[eerelations]

She left the state and took the kids with her. It seems that she has decided to up and leave him.

Except she told OP before she left that she was taking the kids to visit her Dad, and return on Monday January 22 (i.e., tomorrow). OP was apparently OK with that but is now getting the heebie-jeebies because she won't talk to him on the phone. But that doesn't mean she's left him for good!

 

[CdwJava]

Not answering the phone or getting in touch is a hint. But, if she shows up tomorrow, then the OP STILL should see an attorney about securing his parental rights. If he does not want to marry her, and he still wants to make certain he has a relationship with the children, he needs to take some action.

 

[eerelations]

Not answering the phone or getting in touch is a hint. But, if she shows up tomorrow, then the OP STILL should see an attorney about securing his parental rights. If he does not want to marry her, and he still wants to make certain he has a relationship with the children, he needs to take some action.

If she returns home with the kids, then they will all be living together as a family. If they're all living together as a family, I don't understand how he can seek custody when he already has it.