Long distance parenting plan

[keepingme]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI.

im trying to come up with a long distance parenting plan for my ex with my attorney and i cant think of anything. When we went to the mediator she said my daughter wasnt ready for overnights with him yet so me sending her to michigan for a week or so isnt a good idea. Im so confused because i want a judge to look at it and understand that im not trying to move to keep them two apart but without any overnights yet im hitting a big wall. What do you think is a good parenting plan if we were told my daughters not ready to spend the night yet?

A little background: My daughter is 3 yrs old and her father and i have been seperated since i was 4 months pregnant. He was never in her life until this May 2011 when he was told through a mutual friend that me and my husband of 2.5 yrs was moving in Jan. 2012. He then filed for joint custody and visitation. He was denied joint custody due to the fact my daughter doesnt know he's her father but was given supervised visitations on every wednesday for 3 hrs. I am now filing my motion for change of domicile because my husband has a GREAT job offer in Texas. My ex is contesting to the move because he says he wants our daughter for 2 weeks every month and he cant get that if we move from michigan.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI.

im trying to come up with a long distance parenting plan for my ex with my attorney and i cant think of anything. When we went to the mediator she said my daughter wasnt ready for overnights with him yet so me sending her to michigan for a week or so isnt a good idea. Im so confused because i want a judge to look at it and understand that im not trying to move to keep them two apart but without any overnights yet im hitting a big wall. What do you think is a good parenting plan if we were told my daughters not ready to spend the night yet?

A little background: My daughter is 3 yrs old and her father and i have been seperated since i was 4 months pregnant. He was never in her life until this May 2011 when he was told through a mutual friend that me and my husband of 2.5 yrs was moving in Jan. 2012. He then filed for joint custody and visitation. He was denied joint custody due to the fact my daughter doesnt know he's her father but was given supervised visitations on every wednesday for 3 hrs. I am now filing my motion for change of domicile because my husband has a GREAT job offer in Texas. My ex is contesting to the move because he says he wants our daughter for 2 weeks every month and he cant get that if we move from michigan.

http://www.courts.michigan.gov/scao/resources/publications/manuals/focb/pt_gdlns.pdf

There's a section on long distance parenting.

While it's not right that he didn't see the child for a couple of years (although we don't know the facts - did he actually make the effort?), that's not really relevant. He has been seeing the child for 3 months now every Wednesday. That is enough that the child will be familiar with him. And by the time you move, it will be even longer.

A 3 year old can easily spend the night at the other parent's home. While that might not have been appropriate in May, it's probably appropriate by now (you can't rely on something your mediator said months ago before Dad had been reintroduced to the child). The court is almost certainly going to order standard visitation soon, even if not at this moment.

Dad has a right to be in the child's life. Your husband's job doesn't enter into it. Even if you can get the court's approval to move the child out of state (which is probably likely), you're probably going to have to deal with the long distance parenting plan in the above document - and you will probably have to pay the transportation costs.

That 'great' job might not be as great as you think - especially when you consider the higher cost of living in TX cities and the extra transportation costs you are paying.

On top of that, you have the damage that would be done to your child if you do what you want. The child only recently met her father and is getting him back into her life. You're trying to yank the child away - and from your post, apparently trying to severely limit visitation. Your entire post reads like an attempt to deny Dad his time with the daughter. Think of your child for a change.

 

[CSO286]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI.

im trying to come up with a long distance parenting plan for my ex with my attorney and i cant think of anything. When we went to the mediator she said my daughter wasnt ready for overnights with him yet so me sending her to michigan for a week or so isnt a good idea. Im so confused because i want a judge to look at it and understand that im not trying to move to keep them two apart but without any overnights yet im hitting a big wall. What do you think is a good parenting plan if we were told my daughters not ready to spend the night yet?

A little background: My daughter is 3 yrs old and her father and i have been seperated since i was 4 months pregnant. He was never in her life until this May 2011 when he was told through a mutual friend that me and my husband of 2.5 yrs was moving in Jan. 2012. He then filed for joint custody and visitation. He was denied joint custody due to the fact my daughter doesnt know he's her father but was given supervised visitations on every wednesday for 3 hrs. I am now filing my motion for change of domicile because my husband has a GREAT job offer in Texas. My ex is contesting to the move because he says he wants our daughter for 2 weeks every month and he cant get that if we move from michigan.

Has he been exercising the supervised visitation? If so, then you could be facing an uphill battle.

As far a good parenting plan, if dad has been doing the supervised thing for a while, then expect that to go away and I'd count on every other weekend days from like 8am to 8 pm for a period of time (3-6 months) followed by an standard plan.

You moving clear accross country???--that's going to help dad way more than you. You can expect to be giving up a large chunk of summer, and most holidays (especially once school starts), and be expected to facilitate webcam/skype/phone contact between Dad and child. (Ex--webcam/skype 2-4times per week, giving Dad a chance to read a book to Sally before bed.)

You might be able to find sample long distance plans here: SPARC - Divorce and Custody Help

(Not an endorsement, just a resourse. I am not affiliated with them in any way.)

 

[gr8rn]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI.

im trying to come up with a long distance parenting plan for my ex with my attorney and i cant think of anything. When we went to the mediator she said my daughter wasnt ready for overnights with him yet so me sending her to michigan for a week or so isnt a good idea. Im so confused because i want a judge to look at it and understand that im not trying to move to keep them two apart but without any overnights yet im hitting a big wall. What do you think is a good parenting plan if we were told my daughters not ready to spend the night yet?

A little background: My daughter is 3 yrs old and her father and i have been seperated since i was 4 months pregnant. He was never in her life until this May 2011 when he was told through a mutual friend that me and my husband of 2.5 yrs was moving in Jan. 2012. He then filed for joint custody and visitation. He was denied joint custody due to the fact my daughter doesnt know he's her father but was given supervised visitations on every wednesday for 3 hrs. I am now filing my motion for change of domicile because my husband has a GREAT job offer in Texas. My ex is contesting to the move because he says he wants our daughter for 2 weeks every month and he cant get that if we move from michigan.

Perhaps he had an awakening when he realized you and your husband were planning to move far away, and decided he really wanted to be in his daughters life. No, he won't be getting any father of the year awards, but now that he has shown an interest, he will undoubtably receive some form of parenting time. You may even be surprised to find the court granting him primary custody IF you decide to move to Texas, and then YOU would be scheduling long distance parenting with HER.

You state that he was denied joint custody because your daughter doesn't know he is her father. Do you take any personal responsibility for that? Does she call your new husband Daddy? Because it seounds to me like he is not the only one at fault for this. If he is following through with all supervised visits then expect for him to get more, including overnights. If the mediator says she is not ready for overnights yet, then expect a judge to disallow any move that would interfere with the supervised visits.

 

[gam]

You need to look your FOC up online, it must be the county your case is in. You should find their FOC handbook online, if not you can go down and get one or they will mail you one. You need your county, they vary a lot in Michigan. There should be both a standard and a long distance plan in that.

Was the mediator through the court or a private one?

You said your not moving till Jan 2012, if the move is allowed. You have plenty of time to up the visitation now. 3 hours once a week for a 3 year old is little, to establish a bond.

You have sole legal now, but you will most likely if they approve the move, end up with joint legal. It is often the way most courts in Mi will do a move away.

He could get the standard long distance. Most likely with his just starting a relationship with the child, they will give a graduated long distance. So it will work up to the standard. Which many in Mi is every other holiday(the entire Christmas/New Year) and the minimum of 6 weeks in the summer. Since your the moving party is usually responsible for all transportation costs.

Understand the court could go straight to standard long distance or some other plan. So you need to prepare that the child could be gone for long periods of time. As I stated earlier, it would be in the child's best interest to up the current visitation.

In Michigan we have both Refs and Judges, your first hearing will be before a Ref. A ref can only make a recommendation, you have the right to object. If you object it goes to the Judge, if you don't the recommendation is signed by the Judge and becomes an order. In your FOC handbook it will tell you the time frame for an objection(varies from county to county), make sure you know this time frame and the procedure your court has for an objection.

 

[mistoffolees]

Perhaps he had an awakening when he realized you and your husband were planning to move far away, and decided he really wanted to be in his daughters life.

That's certainly possible. Given the tone of OP's post, it's equally possible that she interfered with visitation and it took him this long to get the visitation he was entitled to.

Either way, it doesn't matter. Dad is now in the child's life and has a right to remain there.