Long Distance Parenting Plan Advice

[ni.zimmerman]

I live in Arizona, Phoenix to be exact. I have a question regarding an issue I am having with my 3 year old son.

I recently relocated (allowed by ex-husband) and right now we have an arrangment where he sees my son on the weekends 3 out 4 every month. This arrangment was agreed to in July of 2011. However I have been trying to get something more reasonable given our circumstances which is:

- 3 hour driving distance between the two homes
- Joint Custody

I am not trying to change custody, i have final decision making authority however my son has been showing signs of extreme agreesion and regression in education at his preschool only on days after the transition back from his fathers. Not to mention the fact that my ex husband within 6 months of the current parenting plan has aquired $1100 behind in new back child support. I know that money does not effect visitation but doesnt the parents ability to provide come into play?


I am wondering what a basic parenting plan would be in my circumstance to allow my son to have consitency and realiablity in his primary home? He will be starting school next year as well. Would the court accept something like:

- 1 once a month over night visits per month during the school year
- Every other week during the Summer Months

Any help or insight is greatly appreciated. I just would like the current plan to be changed as soon as possible and my ex husband has been non responsive to any attempts to changing the plan.

Thank you!

 

[Proserpina]

I live in Arizona, Phoenix to be exact. I have a question regarding an issue I am having with my 3 year old son.

I recently relocated (allowed by ex-husband) and right now we have an arrangment where he sees my son on the weekends 3 out 4 every month. This arrangment was agreed to in July of 2011. However I have been trying to get something more reasonable given our circumstances which is:

- 3 hour driving distance between the two homes
- Joint Custody

I am not trying to change custody, i have final decision making authority however my son has been showing signs of extreme agreesion and regression in education at his preschool only on days after the transition back from his fathers. Not to mention the fact that my ex husband within 6 months of the current parenting plan has aquired $1100 behind in new back child support. I know that money does not effect visitation but doesnt the parents ability to provide come into play?


I am wondering what a basic parenting plan would be in my circumstance to allow my son to have consitency and realiablity in his primary home? He will be starting school next year as well. Would the court accept something like:

- 1 once a month over night visits per month during the school year
- Every other week during the Summer Months

Any help or insight is greatly appreciated. I just would like the current plan to be changed as soon as possible and my ex husband has been non responsive to any attempts to changing the plan.

Thank you!

You moved away and now you're wanting to reduce Dad's parenting time?

Not likely to happen.

Certainly not what you're suggesting, anyway. Seriously - you're complaining about your son's reaction after seeing Dad for the weekend..but you're okay sending him for an entire week?

Perhaps there's more than one reason why your son is acting up.

Is he in counseling? Have you tried communicating with his teachers?

 

[ni.zimmerman]

I am concerned with my sons regression and behavior during the school year not so much during the summer. I do think a huge factor is the fact he spends 6 hours during s 36 hour period of time in a car and is greatly effecting him. Of course I am sure there are other factors but I am mostly concerned with the school year parenting plan and making it as consistent and less back and forth. summers should be treated differently since the child will not be in a school routine and structure all week long.

I am trying to make the parenting plan more reasonable for our circumstances. Inroad in the Arizona parenting plan guidelines that a distance of 100 miles or more is considered long distance and should take into account all aspects such as the best interest of the child, developmental milestones, connection to the primary home and need for consistency and relaiablity and it also had the parents ability to follow throughh with the plan ( which the part I was connecting to the finacial piece, the distance and amount spent on gas is not reasonable for him or myself especially considering he has 3 debt collection agencies and is $1100 behind in child support since July 2011 and that is with 2 jobs!)

The distance between the homes is 187 miles, in which the child spends 6 hours in car during a 36 hour period. I just feel something is kore reasonable and conducive to the child's developmental milestones, needs and myself and my ex-husbands ability to continue this plan.

If there is anyone that has a similar situation as far as distance between homes, I would love to hear maybe what you we told during your process of nailing down a parenting plan.

Thank you!

 

[Proserpina]

This is the parenting plan you agreed to.

What has changed?

With regards to 6 hours in the car - that can actually be a really fun bonding time for parent and child.

(That's if kiddo isn't sleeping)

 

[mistoffolees]

I am concerned with my sons regression and behavior during the school year not so much during the summer. I do think a huge factor is the fact he spends 6 hours during s 36 hour period of time in a car and is greatly effecting him. Of course I am sure there are other factors but I am mostly concerned with the school year parenting plan and making it as consistent and less back and forth. summers should be treated differently since the child will not be in a school routine and structure all week long.

I am trying to make the parenting plan more reasonable for our circumstances. Inroad in the Arizona parenting plan guidelines that a distance of 100 miles or more is considered long distance and should take into account all aspects such as the best interest of the child, developmental milestones, connection to the primary home and need for consistency and relaiablity and it also had the parents ability to follow throughh with the plan ( which the part I was connecting to the finacial piece, the distance and amount spent on gas is not reasonable for him or myself especially considering he has 3 debt collection agencies and is $1100 behind in child support since July 2011 and that is with 2 jobs!)

The distance between the homes is 187 miles, in which the child spends 6 hours in car during a 36 hour period. I just feel something is kore reasonable and conducive to the child's developmental milestones, needs and myself and my ex-husbands ability to continue this plan.

If there is anyone that has a similar situation as far as distance between homes, I would love to hear maybe what you we told during your process of nailing down a parenting plan.

Thank you!

Six hours in a car once in a while (even regularly) isn't going to hurt the child. Six hours of listening to Mom complain about how evil Dad is for making her drive might. I'd suggest that you focus on your attitude. And I seriously doubt that the drive is causing your son to have emotional problems. If he's bored and you don't want to talk to him, get him a book to read or an iPad to play educational games or watch movies.

Here's the reality. You moved, so you really don't have the right to be complaining about the situation. Dad is apparently OK with it (at least, he's not here asking), so you are simply having to deal with the problem you created.

Now, if you really want a change, you need to talk to Dad and work something out that you're BOTH happy with. Then stipulate it to the court. I just don't see you being likely to get what you're asking for if Dad objects.

 

[TheGeekess]

I live in Arizona, Phoenix to be exact. I have a question regarding an issue I am having with my 3 year old son.

I recently relocated (allowed by ex-husband) and right now we have an arrangment where he sees my son on the weekends 3 out 4 every month. This arrangment was agreed to in July of 2011. However I have been trying to get something more reasonable given our circumstances which is:

- 3 hour driving distance between the two homes
- Joint Custody

I am not trying to change custody, i have final decision making authority however my son has been showing signs of extreme agreesion and regression in education at his preschool only on days after the transition back from his fathers. Not to mention the fact that my ex husband within 6 months of the current parenting plan has aquired $1100 behind in new back child support. I know that money does not effect visitation but doesnt the parents ability to provide come into play?


I am wondering what a basic parenting plan would be in my circumstance to allow my son to have consitency and realiablity in his primary home? He will be starting school next year as well. Would the court accept something like:

- 1 once a month over night visits per month during the school year
- Every other week during the Summer Months

Any help or insight is greatly appreciated. I just would like the current plan to be changed as soon as possible and my ex husband has been non responsive to any attempts to changing the plan.

Thank you!

Sounds like typical older toddler behavior. They have to learn to make graceful transitions.

 

[Frustrated434]

my son has been showing signs of extreme agreesion and regression in education at his preschool only on days after the transition back from his fathers.

My ex used this as a reason to try and limit my time with my son as well. Sometimes the CP is too quick to use the child's acting out against the NCP. Children don't always make that transition smoothly but oftentimes it gets better as the child gets older. They begin to realize that they will see the other parent again soon (it helps if they know exactly when) and if the CP starts a routine to help the child readjust when they return home that can help as well.

 

[ecmst12]

Your child just needs to adjust to the change in his schedule. Counseling may help with this, and help YOU learn how best to help him cope with transitions. Stopping the transitions, or making them less frequent is not going to help him adjust, in fact it will only make it harder for him.

 

[MichaCA]

You said he spends 6 hours during a 36 hour period. Why is the weekend visitation so short? Does dad get a full weekend off? When are the transitions?

Perhaps it would be easier on the child to get there Fri evening and come back Sun evening. Maybe he's just not having enough time to adjust at dads...

Does dad get federal (and school) holidays off? Perhaps when child is school age you and dad can discuss him having the long weekends, with one other weekend that month - make up the lost time in the summer?

One point to make...a child does not legally have to be in school until 1st grade. Enrolling him in 'school' at 4...I would not let that get in the way of his visits with dad.

I agree with the others. These days its a blessing IMO to be allowed to move to where you want with the child. You got that, you should have known the price before you did it.

 

[nextwife]

Dad AGREED to allow this move, no doubt, BASED upon the agreement to allow him this time. You created the three hour drive, and you need to learn how to deal iwth it. I agree that longer stays make way more sense with the distance involved. Kiddo should go to dad's for longer periods, if he can work it. That would be fewer transitions in a given period of time..

 

[Proserpina]

Every other week during the summer months? Summer in some districts is almost 4 months, yes?

Heck, that's setting Dad up for a 50/50 physical timeshare ...y'know, since Mom will be saying she's okay with that.

Maybe savvy Dad will cotton on to that and agree with the rest of it.

 

[ni.zimmerman]

Thank you all for the responses. I guess I will still consult and see if I can get the typical parenting plan suggested for this long distance situation of every other weekend, since that is what the guides the court gives out state. I feel that, that arrangment is more conducive and takes into account the child's age and the parents situation, according tothe documents.

Thank you again.

 

[Just Blue]

Thank you all for the responses. I guess I will still consult and see if I can get the typical parenting plan suggested for this long distance situation of every other weekend, since that is what the guides the court gives out state. I feel that, that arrangment is more conducive and takes into account the child's age and the parents situation, according tothe documents.

Thank you again.

Perhaps you should have considered the childs age BEFORE moving. What you are trying to do is a back-stab at the Father who was dumb enough to trust you. Shame on you.

 

[ecmst12]

Every other weekend gives him the same amount of time as he currently gets, just spread out differently, so that might be something you can all agree on.

 

[iluvtugtom]

I too moved 3 hours away, and my ex and I agreed to meeting each other half way allowing for the children a break in driving for bathroom and food, every other weekend Fri to Sunday, alternating school breaks and every other week in the summer.
Kids will need an adjustment after coming home from their visit, regardless of their age. Different parents have different rules and ways of parenting, also the kids tend to miss CP when visiting and then miss NCP when they get back home. It happens, its not unusual. I understand your need to "fix" it, but I think decreasing time with his Dad is NOT the answer. Try to communicate with your child, let the child talk freely about their feelings about missing your ex and allow frequent phone calls and that can help.
I would try talking to your ex first and see if you can't work out something like 2 weekends a month, because quite frankly 1 is not sufficent time, and offer as much time as possible with school breaks and holidays and summer vacation.