Long Distance Parenting Plan Advice

[gapeach404]

Generally, a long distance parenting plan goes something along the lines of every other Thanksgiving Break, a week at Christmas, every or every other Spring Break, and anywhere from 1/2 to 3/4ths of the summer break. If someone is in a year round school system then 1/2 of every intersession is generally the norm.

You should check the school schedule for the area you wish to move to (most school systems these days have websites) to see how their calendar generally works. I will encourage you to insist on at least 2-3 weeks of summer for yourself. Your child will want to be part of family vacations.

As far as you paying airfare and letting him stay in your home is concerned a judge might very well order you to pay for the cost of transportation for holidays and summer, but its really unlikely that a judge would order that for monthly visits (it all depends on finances), and as for allowing him to stay in your home, a judge absolutely would NOT order that.

Thank you. I make considerably more than him so my attorney says I most likely will have to pay a bigger portion of the transportation either way if he comes to NC or if I bring our son to NY.

 

[stealth2]

My company moved from NY to NC and asked me to transfer with them, with a promotion. Father agreed verbally (we were still together at the time) then changed his mind, filed for custody after I accepted the job and bought a home. For the past 16 months I've been back and forth with our son due to this case which is now coming to trial this week. The forensic evaluation which I requested came back that it’s in our son’s best interest to move with me to NC. Father admitted during his sessions with the psychologists to drug use, spanking our son at 14 months and domestic violence against me.

Thank you.

 

[stealth2]

Also divorced in NY. Ex had parenting time 1 w/e per month, alternating holidays & school breaks. all summer starting the Fr after school ended to the Su before school started, with my having a week in both July & August. Transportation was split (as our move - the kids & mine - was at ex's insistence.... I know, I know...).

 

[gapeach404]

Also divorced in NY. Ex had parenting time 1 w/e per month, alternating holidays & school breaks. all summer starting the Fr after school ended to the Su before school started, with my having a week in both July & August. Transportation was split (as our move - the kids & mine - was at ex's insistence.... I know, I know...).

Well I put a move in motion and purchased a house off a verbal agreement. Thanks for sharing. I can definitely live with that schedule!

 

[Ohiogal]

Well I put a move in motion and purchased a house off a verbal agreement. Thanks for sharing. I can definitely live with that schedule!

Please don't start anymore new threads. It is helpful if all your posts about your child are in one thread.

 

[gapeach404]

It would most likely be the week after school ends and week before school starts in your area. So counter offer with sending the child to dad at your expense and returning him at your expense once a month during the school year. Don't count on getting the child's birthday. Celebrate after he comes home or before he leaves.

I offered this and his attorney just came back with this counter. I'd say we are way off base.

Custody to father (child stays in NY)
Mother gets every 3 day weekend during the year
2 consecutive weeks in the summer
Every other Christmas
All transportation costs at Mother's expense

 

[stealth2]

I would offer:

Kiddo moves to NC.
Dad gets every long w/e. (*)
Dad gets a second w/e per month *at his expense*
Dad gets all summer, with two weeks to you. NC School District calendar used for scheduling.
(*) You pay for transport for one visit/mo. If Dad goes to NC, he is responsible for accommodation. If the child travels to NY, you are responsible for your accommodation, should you stay to bring kiddo home.

 

[LdiJ]

I would offer:

Kiddo moves to NC.
Dad gets every long w/e. (*)
Dad gets a second w/e per month *at his expense*
Dad gets all summer, with two weeks to you. NC School District calendar used for scheduling.
(*) You pay for transport for one visit/mo. If Dad goes to NC, he is responsible for accommodation. If the child travels to NY, you are responsible for your accommodation, should you stay to bring kiddo home.

You left out holidays. Every other Thanksgiving, a week at Christmas, every other Spring break. I would also make it so that if he gets a holiday break that he loses any other long weekend that happens in that month...on the off chance that the school district has some teacher improvement day or something in the same month as a major holiday.

Dad's proposed schedule is clearly unreasonable. Two weeks in summer and no Thanksgiving or Spring Break is ridiculous.

 

[gapeach404]

Today was supposed to be Day 1 of Trial. Judge asked if there was a resolution. My attorney told her our last offer:

Custody to Mother, relocation to NC
Dad gets monthly visitation in NC at Mom's expense
Dad gets a second w/e per month *at his expense*
Every other Thanksgiving,
Every other Christmas,
Every other Spring break.
Month of June for summer vacation - Now he's saying he doesn't want the whole summer because he only has 2 weeks vacation.

Father's attorney said not good enough.

Judge adjourned case until Feb 1. I'm so tired of this! This will be almost 2 years by then! I don't understand what the point of scheduling a trial only to adjourn it another 4 months.

My attorney did tell me that after we left the court room the judge told the attorneys that she will most likely allow relocation and not go against forensic report.

 

[LdiJ]

Today was supposed to be Day 1 of Trial. Judge asked if there was a resolution. My attorney told her our last offer:

Custody to Mother, relocation to NC
Dad gets monthly visitation in NC at Mom's expense
Dad gets a second w/e per month *at his expense*
Every other Thanksgiving,
Every other Christmas,
Every other Spring break.
Month of June for summer vacation - Now he's saying he doesn't want the whole summer because he only has 2 weeks vacation.

Father's attorney said not good enough.

Judge adjourned case until Feb 1. I'm so tired of this! This will be almost 2 years by then! I don't understand what the point of scheduling a trial only to adjourn it another 4 months.

My attorney did tell me that after we left the court room the judge told the attorneys that she will most likely allow relocation and not go against forensic report.

Based on the bolded I do not understand why the judge just didn't rule now.

 

[gapeach404]

Based on the bolded I do not understand why the judge just didn't rule now.

Probably because we haven't actually had a trial yet? We have only had hearings since June 2016. I'm not understanding why the judge keeps giving my son's father so many chances with the same results. My attorney thinks the judge is trying to make him settle. The judge is going to have to decide this because it is clear that he has no genuine intentions on settling. We've been back and forth for months and the only offer he's presented is a joke and a waste of everyone's time.

 

[t74]

OP,

You originally said you did not want to give Dad every July because you would never have the child for his birthday, but that is just what you are offering Dad. Why does Dad not deserve to have the child for the birthday?

You should also give him every Spring Break since he is only going to get one month in the summer.

Who is unreasonable? Who is selfish? Who is unfair to both Dad and child? Try again and be willing to live what you are willing to give to Dad.

 

[stealth2]

Month of June for summer vacation - Now he's saying he doesn't want the whole summer because he only has 2 weeks vacation.

OP,

You originally said you did not want to give Dad every July because you would never have the child for his birthday, but that is just what you are offering Dad.

June and July are not even spelled the same.

I'd offer to rotate the bday, as any other holiday. But, at the end of the day, it shouldn't be a deal-breaker. What kid doesn't like two parties?

 

[t74]

Mom is willing to give Dad JUNE.

 

[stealth2]

Mom is willing to give Dad JUNE.

Okay, I read your meaning wrong.

I maintain that alternating the bday is a reasonable compromise.