Maine Motion to Modify Child Custody

[HRZ]

OP, to me saving money towards 7 year olds first car is a very dubious priority at best.

OP, it's unclear if you think Dad is willfully underemployed or in a position to have significant unreported income or what ..but if Dad is providing less support than one might expect , why are you not making sure Dad is contributing the share expected of him and or researching his true income ?

Being self employed is not a be all and end all as to not providing medical insurance for ones child ..is Dad picking up cost for things not covered by your plan?

 

[HRZ]

OP, to me saving money towards 7 year olds first car is a very dubious priority at best.

OP, it's unclear if you think Dad is willfully underemployed or in a position to have significant unreported income or what ..but if Dad is providing less support than one might expect , why are you not making sure Dad is contributing the share expected of him and or researching his true income ?

Being self employed is not a be all and end all as to not providing medical insurance for ones child ..is Dad picking up cost for things not covered by your plan?

 

[Harmony163]

OP, to me saving money towards 7 year olds first car is a very dubious priority at best.

The message I was trying to convey is that his father and I could be funneling these attorney fees towards the actual care of our son. We are having to spend a lot of money for the time of our attorneys because our communication is so poor. I want us to attend parent counselling but his girlfriend does not want us to be in a room together becaue she is not welcome to join. My role as a mother has been complicated tenfold due to the gross insecurity of the girlfriend of my ex-husband who has allowed her to overwhelm his parental judgment. She likes to get her way and when I refused to communicate with her (as opposed to my ex-husband) regarding our child, and will not allow her to future parent-teacher conferences (she was doing all the talking after knowing my son for six months) she has made my life difficult ever since. She is confusing my son, having him refer to her parents as "grammie" and "grampie" and is a very controlling person unfortunately.

OP, it's unclear if you think Dad is willfully underemployed or in a position to have significant unreported income or what ..but if Dad is providing less support than one might expect , why are you not making sure Dad is contributing the share expected of him and or researching his true income ?

Being self employed is not a be all and end all as to not providing medical insurance for ones child ..is Dad picking up cost for things not covered by your plan?

I did not intend to stress the financial component so heavily, it is truly the least of my concerns. My ex husband was not ready for the responsibilities of being a father when we had our son together, which was unexpected for both of us and ultimately lead to our demise. It was solely me who wanted the child and I feel responsible to provide for our child independently or with the help of whatever child support was initially ordered by the court, which has been working fine for me. I took a cut in the child support during the divorce proceeding in order to have more time with my child, the finances do not concern me.

He used "a change in employment status" as a change in circumstances to give rise to the motion to modify. He has been self-employed this entire time and is working more now than ever before to provide for his girlfriend who makes minimum wage. Meanwhile she has been picking up the slack caring for our child. If he and his girlfriend were to separate he would be begging my mother and I to care more for our child, as he has previously as a single man. He is fighting for his girlfriend's wishes, and I am fighting for my son.

 

[stealth2]

Request that all communication goes through Our Family Wizard.

Honestly? You seem way too invested in Dad's relationship w/his g/f. Yeah, it's annoying, but it's not worth feeding into. Teacher conferences. Schedule one for yourself, then tell Dad to schedule his own if he wants g/f there. Really - teachers do it all the time. Her parents? Who cares what kiddo calls them. Making a fuss over it is likely more confusing to the kid than the names used.

As for the cops serving you the motion in kiddo's presence? It happens, and really should not have been a terrible, horrible, scary, upsetting situation. Unless it is made so by the adult(s) present. "Dad and I are trying to sort some things out, and this is how it works, legally. Nothing for you to be worried about." Seriously.

 

[Just Blue]

Request that all communication goes through Our Family Wizard.

Honestly? You seem way too invested in Dad's relationship w/his g/f. Yeah, it's annoying, but it's not worth feeding into. Teacher conferences. Schedule one for yourself, then tell Dad to schedule his own if he wants g/f there. Really - teachers do it all the time. Her parents? Who cares what kiddo calls them. Making a fuss over it is likely more confusing to the kid than the names used.

As for the cops serving you the motion in kiddo's presence? It happens, and really should not have been a terrible, horrible, scary, upsetting situation. Unless it is made so by the adult(s) present. "Dad and I are trying to sort some things out, and this is how it works, legally. Nothing for you to be worried about." Seriously.

Excellent advice!!

 

[HRZ]

I think you are failing to represent the best needs of your child by not seeking support from dad consistent with his earnings capacity and state guidelines .

 

[LdiJ]

The message I was trying to convey is that his father and I could be funneling these attorney fees towards the actual care of our son. We are having to spend a lot of money for the time of our attorneys because our communication is so poor. I want us to attend parent counselling but his girlfriend does not want us to be in a room together becaue she is not welcome to join. My role as a mother has been complicated tenfold due to the gross insecurity of the girlfriend of my ex-husband who has allowed her to overwhelm his parental judgment. She likes to get her way and when I refused to communicate with her (as opposed to my ex-husband) regarding our child, and will not allow her to future parent-teacher conferences (she was doing all the talking after knowing my son for six months) she has made my life difficult ever since. She is confusing my son, having him refer to her parents as "grammie" and "grampie" and is a very controlling person unfortunately.



I did not intend to stress the financial component so heavily, it is truly the least of my concerns. My ex husband was not ready for the responsibilities of being a father when we had our son together, which was unexpected for both of us and ultimately lead to our demise. It was solely me who wanted the child and I feel responsible to provide for our child independently or with the help of whatever child support was initially ordered by the court, which has been working fine for me. I took a cut in the child support during the divorce proceeding in order to have more time with my child, the finances do not concern me.

He used "a change in employment status" as a change in circumstances to give rise to the motion to modify. He has been self-employed this entire time and is working more now than ever before to provide for his girlfriend who makes minimum wage. Meanwhile she has been picking up the slack caring for our child. If he and his girlfriend were to separate he would be begging my mother and I to care more for our child, as he has previously as a single man. He is fighting for his girlfriend's wishes, and I am fighting for my son.

The bolded does not make sense. The bolded is not a change in circumstance in the child's life. At most, its a change in circumstance in dad's life, and unless its a really major change in employment status (like going from graveyard shift to days) its only a fairly minor change in dad's life.

 

[Ohiogal]

The bolded does not make sense. The bolded is not a change in circumstance in the child's life. At most, its a change in circumstance in dad's life, and unless its a really major change in employment status (like going from graveyard shift to days) its only a fairly minor change in dad's life.

You are clueless. IN a JOINT CUSTODY situation, it doesn't take a change in the child's life but in any party's life. I answered this on page one.

 

[not2cleverRed]

You are clueless. IN a JOINT CUSTODY situation, it doesn't take a change in the child's life but in any party's life. I answered this on page one.

Well, besides the child's age is a change in circumstances - there's a huge difference between 2 and 7. You only need one "change in circumstances", so the details of multiple assertions shouldn't be OP's focus.

What *should* be OP's focus is what exactly Dad is asking for, and whether it aligns with what is generally accepted locally by the court, and the best interests of the child in this specific case.

I do suspect that the new girlfriend is pushing for a change of custody to make her household more of a "family", but if that's the case, it'll come out eventually... new partners who want to be over-steppers usually aren't subtle - that would require knowledge that they are over-stepping.

Otherwise... everything that stealth said.

 

[Harmony163]

Request that all communication goes through Our Family Wizard.

Honestly? You seem way too invested in Dad's relationship w/his g/f. Yeah, it's annoying, but it's not worth feeding into. Teacher conferences. Schedule one for yourself, then tell Dad to schedule his own if he wants g/f there. Really - teachers do it all the time. Her parents? Who cares what kiddo calls them. Making a fuss over it is likely more confusing to the kid than the names used.

As for the cops serving you the motion in kiddo's presence? It happens, and really should not have been a terrible, horrible, scary, upsetting situation. Unless it is made so by the adult(s) present. "Dad and I are trying to sort some things out, and this is how it works, legally. Nothing for you to be worried about." Seriously.

Thank you for the practical advice, much appreciated!

It is just frustrating to see how much impact a girlfriend can have on a co-parenting situation. I think it is sad that my ex-husband was willing to allow his girlfriend to communicate everything about our son to me, and for him to not play a role at all. It has been a lot to adjust to and I appreciate your feedback, a lot of this definitely rides on how I have been perceiving the situation and I definitely need to work on that, no excuses!